I cant stop crying
You've taken my heart away
Not tried to return it in anyway
There is nobody else
That makes me feel this way
I believe you are the one
You can make all this pain go away
All I think about is how you've messed up my life
Before I knew you I was fine
But then you came
Changed my world
Both good and bad
But then you took my heart away
And you didnt return it in anyway
13 April 2003 10:32
She Is Just Scum
She stands alone
In a world of her own
Nobody can see her
She is trapped in her home
Nobody wants her
They hate her inside
She goes out into the world
She is taken by suprise
How mean they are
How they dont have a care
She goes to her corner
And Everybody stares
What is she doing here?
Why has she come?
She deserves no love
She is just scum
Saturday 5th April 2003 22:50
The Last Time
I know you dont even care
So thats why I wont be there
I'll be on my own from now on
I will be gone
I've been with you for the last time
Your better off without me
Without me you will be fine
I'm ending this now
Your always in my mind
So i am going to be kind
This is the last time
28th March 2003 20:37
The Red
Yesterday
A new streak of happiness
A new life within me
A fresh feeling
Wonderful and free
But Today I'm sad
Back to the depressed mess
All because I needed to see the red
The red that relises all the troubles
The red that helps me sleep
The red that relives my pain
Please let me see the red
I want to be in that place
The one everyone knows
Where it is so peaceful
Calm and warm
I want to be there
Where nobody can judge me
Or try to change me
I want to be there
With the angels who are caring
Only love shines from their wings
I want to be there where I am never alone
Where I can hurt myself no more
I need to be there
Please help me get there
I need to be free
Untitled
They don't know how i've tried
Weeks of wanting to save myself
Months of trying to wake up
Instead of drowning in all this pain
Trying to stop myself
From going further down
To save me mind from dying again
But now that they know
They are taking over
All the work I did myself has gone
Its worse than before
If they just realise one thing I don't need them
I can win by myself
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Back
I didnt know her long
Before she ran away
She had no peaceful nights
No peaceful days
She was fighting a war
And there was so much more to come
She longed for it to stop
She tried to will the war away
But it was here to stay
Now I'm looking at her
Collapsed on the floor
Tears falling from my eyes
She had ran away to far
Her face is telling her story
Her scars show the story of her pain
As I look at her now I realise
There was too much more to come
She didn't want to wait around
She wanted to be lying there
Alone on the ground
Finally having a well deserved sleep
A perminant sleep
She thought she didn't deserve to wake up
For all her pain shows on everyone else
They should be happy without her here
I stare at her still as she starts to go cold
Her face turns paler
She thinks her story has been told
As death has finally taken her away
I still look at her as her mother enters the room
She finds what her child has done
Tears start falling from her eyes
She can see the story
Her face tells it all
The scars tell all her pain
She wants to know why this has happend
Why has her daughter been taken away
I still watch as she tries to tell her story
I want to help her
I want to shout out why
I try but my voice isnt heard
I look at her mother who is screaming out the words
"Why did it have to be Sarah??" "How did i let this happen"
I scream at her more
But then I realise
I am her
The normal her
The happy her before all the pain
I am now the part I didnt know well
I am the part she always wanted to be
Now I wish I had staryed
At least another day
And told everyone the truth
Talked about the misery
Told the full story of my pain
I thought I was free
But nobody knows why I'm gone
My revenge hasn't happend
I still am not free
I cannot take this world no more
I am so afraid to move on
I'm forever trapped with thos voice in my
mind
Bringing me down
Making me choose the wrong path
Making me go the wrong way
I am never going to go away
Why am I making myself stay?
I've got to get out
I know I can do it if I try
I don't need anybody to help
All I need is my precious knife
And I can be free
For all eternity
Dont make me do this
Dont make me go away
You have tortured me
You have punished me
I don't know why
I don't understand
I want to stay
Stop telling me I have to go
This world still has space for me
Why are you telling me it has not?
I know I hate me
You made me feel this way
But I still can love
I have so much to give
Yet nobody to give it to
Maybe you are right
I have to leave
Tell them not to cry
As I go to sleep and never wake
Why does this always happen?
Its not fair for me to be like this
I miss my life
The life I had before
Why can't it be like that again?
If only they really knew
This pain wouldn't be as bad
But they dont know
They probably don'y even care
The only way this can stop
Is if I am
Dead.
Standing on the edge
Cold and alone
Thinking hard and strong
Trying to work out this misrable life
This dark yet sacred life
I don't feel real
So I stand on the edge
Taking my life to the end