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Deeper and deeper I go
Going down in a line
Until I bleed
Deeper and deeper I go
Until I've gone too far
If somebody had listened
Helped me
Cared for me
I would not be like this now
I would not be dead
Untitled
I am gone
My presence is forgotten by everyone around
I've forgotten myself
I can't remember what liveing was like It can't be all pain and misery
My mind has told me
I must be dead
I have no feelings
I have no hope
Theres just too much
I cannot be brought back to life
Back To The Knife
There's nothing left inside of me
No feelings of love
No feelings of hate
I feel like I'm not alive
I need some reality
I need some feeling there
I need to be brought back to life
I need to turn back to the knife
Because Of Them
When I think about
Me
My friends
My family
I realise one thing
Its them!
When I can't breathe
Its because of them
When I'm alone
It's because of them
When I'm alone
It's because of them
When I can't sleep
It's because of them
It starts with me
It gets to my friends
It gets to my family
Then I can't breathe
Then I am alone
Then I can't sleep
Its because of them
Tuesday 22nd April 2003
The people are there Watching Me
Controling my thoughts
Judging me
Controling my life
The guilt is there
The people are happy
So I must be happy
But they don't know
They are the ones watching me
Controlling me
Taking Over My Life
Where have I gone
My heart no longer loves
My mind no longer sleeps
My body no longer rests
I don't know where I am
I can hear my name
I'm calling for myself
I cannot come
I don't know where I am
Free
Floating into the atmosphere
As light as a feather
My spirit goes up
Up and up to heaven
My body is part of the air
The Earth
The water
My life is a memory
To everything I touched
My Memories shattered
Into dust
At last I am free
Depressed
Do you really know
Everything that has happened
Painfull memories
Reasons to die
Everyone wanting me dead
Suprised by their anger
Suicide is what shall be
End it now
Die
Hate
I hate my life and everything in it
Nobody likes me
I'm just here to be hated
That is my purpose
I'm not meant to find love
I'm not meant to have a good friendship
All I'm meant to do
Is to be hated
Nobody cares about how much they've hurt me
They all want to see me suffer more
They listen to the things everyone says about me
They never listen to me
Why does everyone hate me?
I really wish I knew
These people have no feelings
They just don't have a clue
Every morning I wake up
Feeling the real me
The sad depressed pathetic mess
I get out of bed
I put on my mask
The mask that everyone knows
I get to school
I laugh
I joke
I know where my friends are
I get home
My mask slowly fades away
The girl everyone knows
Leaves, dissapears, GONE
The real me appears
The sad depressed pathetic mess
I go in my room
I think
I Cry
I don't know where my friends are
The real me is back
And she is still on her own
I can't stop thinking
All this pain
When will it stop
When will it go away
I lie awake at night
Trying to sleep
Nothing happens
All I do is think if only they knew
The things i have been through
They would all understand
And they might give a helping hand
They all think I'm stupid
They all think I'm thick
They all just make me sick!
They think of themselves
Not thinking about another
To them it's just a laugh
I go along with it sometimes too
I don't know why but I stick to them like glue
They talk about their lives
They sound so great
Then they look at me
And I think what is the point?
I can never compare to them
They never give me a chance
They don't know how I feel
They maybe don't even care
But one day they will realise
That I was there
One day they will care
Because one day I will end it all
I will just go
I feel all alone
Like nobody cares
All they do is stand and stare
Not taking the time to consider me
Or anything that is happening to me
I wanna end it all
All so quickly
End this pain
All this misery
Nobody is there for me
Nobody cares
I need a warm loving feeling
The best in the world
To be held so tight
It can only be right
But that warm loving feeling will never be there
Because I'm all alone
Because nobody cares
All these thoughts running through my head
I wish they belonged to somebody else instead
Should I say yes
Should I say no
I wish somebody would tell me because I really need to know!
All these thoughts running through my head
I need them to go
Go and never be said
These thoughts are a part of me forever
They will never go away
The only way that they will
Is a realise of anger and pain
Anger for being me
Anger because I hate me
Pain will be the realise
The blood rushes out
The pain takes these thoughts away
The pain is in control
Until tomorrow when I feel not so alone
7th May 2003 9:19pm