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Self-Harm
Depression
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I tried to leave this place a thousand times,
but I can't.
There's an attraction to this place
That I cannot see to break,
Like a chain that holds me down,
Like a shadow clouds my vision
and I cannot see the light.
I cannot rise
Above the tide
And I don�t know where I'm going
But I know I cant stay here.
Why am I still here?
right here
I tried to leave this place a thousand times,
but I can't.
And I cannot flee from you
For the fear that gotten into me
Runs deep inside my heart
And travels through my veins
And I cannot get away
There�s a weight upon my mind
And it's crushing me inside
And it will not let me go
Why am I still here?
right here
I tried to leave this place a thousand times,
but I can't.
I heard how the water could turn blood red
and how bleached white sleeves would turn pink.
I never thought I would be the one to test the theories
I never thought it�d be me.
Me in the mask to hide my emotions
me wearing long sleeved tops.
I never though I�d have marks on my wrist
and a knife stuffed away in the drawer.
I always thought I�d talk before I got this bad,
I always promised I would.
I didn�t see how people could get in such a state.
I guess I still don�t see why.
Why when I am sane
I can talk away my fears
retell those promises I fail to keep,
say that its fine, it wont happen again.
But here I am,
with the scars on my arms
and the tears in my eyes.
How did I get this bad?
E-mail Me!!
Behind closed doors I�m just another statistic
In my head I am not me
I wish my life was more simplistic
That someone would heed my plea.
I don�t want life to be this way,
I�ve tried to talk to many times
There�s not much more that I can say
The actions left to be carried out in mimes.
I do not want this blade in my hand,
I don�t want to die but I cannot cope
I pray that you will understand
I�ve given up; I have no hope.
I�m paranoid; I�m always on edge
Oblivion lies beyond this ledge
Blind
I cannot see
The truth for the lies;
The light through the tears
Of past good-byes
I cannot see
The right from the wrong;
A place called home
Where I belong
I cannot see
The sun for the rain;
A cure for condition
An ease of this pain.
I cannot see
The light for the way;
I need your guidance
So I ask you to pray
Somethings never go as planned;
dreams and ambitions start to slip.
Things spiral up and downwards,
and you find you�re lossing grip.
But it�s all in control
Totally transfixed in how it ought to be,
you find yourself failing to notice;
This isn't how it's meant to be,
It isn't all rosy and nice.
But I am in control
You cannot carry on alone:
Sharing feelings seldom eases the pain;
Knowing someone else knows
driving you insane.
Now we�re in control
The someone-else abandons you
Your feelings they cannot control;
The chance of reassurance
Your security they stole.
It�s out of control
Thinking of you
These tears I cry are real you know
The moisture in the holds feelings
Pain
Betrayal
Anger
Feelings for you
The laughter that you hear is gone
It's echo's from before
Happiness
Joyous
Now patronising sighs.
The words we used to whisper
Never repeated again
"I
Love
You"
Not any more.
Nicola Dibble!
I'm Sorry.
Depression is what controls me,
It eats away at my whole body.
Pain is what I create,
I hurt you all so much,
Upset is what I cause,
My constant lies.
Cutting is what I do,
It punishes me for what I've become.
Killing is what I'm doing to you,
All the one's I love.
Dead is now what i am,
I took the easy way out,
Ended both our pains.
Grieve is not what you'll do,
I don't want you to,
I wasn't worth it in the end.
Dreaming
Dreaming through the day of a better tomorrow
You said you were better than me
Hoping that the day would bring no sorrow
You knew I was stronger
You knew it then
But you know it more now
I'm still here
You couldn't last
You always put me down
I could never be me
Your words hurt more than I can say
They dug deeper than the blades I used
The used blades lay on your floor
You made me use them
I didn't want to be here and I didn't want to go
I had friends to care for
You didn't know about them
They needed me
I couldn't be there for them
You dragged me into a pit of blades
Those blades betrayed you though
You had them set on me
You thought they'd kill me to get your happiness
But they didn't
They forced you to use them
And you did
But you didn't know when to stop
You went to deep
Your not here now
That doesn't make me happy
You're not hurting me
But I still remember the past
The past where…
I'd dream of a better tomorrow
Where…
I'd hope for a day with no sorrow
I've got my better tomorrow
But there's still the sorrow
Your not here
Is that my fault I used those blades?
She always seemed content,
She had the most beautiful smile
It could light a darkened room.
She had no cares in the world,
She wanted it to stay that way.
She enjoyed her life,
And lived it to the full.
I loved her and she loved me.
Sadly things don't stay the same.
Darkness started to fall on her world,
The walls that protected her started to break.
She was drowning in her own fear,
She was losing control.
Our love was dying,
I was hating her and she was hating me.
She buried me in her fears,
She'd try to control me.
She was ruining the way I looked.
As I bled she would smile,
My pain made her happy.
It released her fears.
I hated her but she loved and controlled me.
I need to love her again.
She'll kill us both one day.
I need to know that one day we'll both love each other the same way as we did before,
Please one day we'll both be free.
I will love and care for as I did in the past,
Because I am her and she is me.
Living a life of lies.
I wake each day face the mirror and see me.
Then I put on this face,
The one that lies.
I try to take it off,
It consumes my real self.
I wish that I could just throw it away,
But each day something makes me put it back on.
The face tells people I'm happy,
It tells people their ugly.
It won't let me speak,
I want to speak.
I want to tell the people I love that I love them,
I want to be free.
I want to say how I feel.
I want to be me.
But how ever hard I try it just won't let me be me.