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FEAR "He who fears he will suffer, already suffers from his fear." - Michel de Montaigne (1553-1592) Fear tears at our insides and causes us to feel helpless, depressed, weak and sick. It is not the event that is causing all the trouble, but it is the fear of that event. "For it is not death or hardship that is a fearful thing, but the fear of death or hardship." - Epictetus (55-135) Criticism of you by your peers at work or school may well indicate jealousy or a lack of self-confidence on their part. They may need to put others down in order to feel adequate. A bit of sympathy for them may be in order, and in most cases you can just forget it and carry on with your own good feelings. Besides, if we knew how very little time people actually spend thinking about us, we would spend no time worrying about it. The role that self-doubt plays in
our lives is well demonstrated in the way we react to the influence of our
peers, whether it be about actions, habits, or fashions. They may apply
pressure to make us feel self-conscious but it's up to us to live the way
that is best for us. If we wish to let someone make us feel inferior, we can.
If we wish, we can compromise a bit. We can also feel good about ourselves
just the way we are. It's up to us.
Motivational speaker Tony Robbins gained his fame in the mid 1990s through his "Fire Walking Seminar" that showed people how they could overcome their fears, and then demonstrated that fact by getting them to walk barefooted across a bed of red-hot coals. I went to one of his seminars, walked on fire, and lived through the experience. Questions you may have are:
How I learned about fire walk
A number of years ago, when I was living in Los Angeles but visiting my parents in Milwaukee, I saw a report on the NBC Evening News about people walking on fire. Tom Brokaw started the report with, "Only in California..." He went on to show people at a seminar walking on hot coals in their bare feet. I thought, "Boy, isn't that nuts?" Met some fire walkers
On my flight back home to Los Angeles, I met a couple who were going to Hawaii to go sky diving. They said they had recently walked on fire, and now they wanted to try something else more challenging. When I told them I had seen something about the fire walk on television, they said I should try it myself. "Try it. You'll like it," they encouraged. Then they gave me the telephone number of a fellow named Tony Robbins, who was running these Fire Walk Seminars. Things fell into place
When I got home, I called the number. A woman told me that they would be having their last fire walk that Friday, before going on the road. It would be in Santa Monica, just a few miles from where I lived. If I wasn't satisfied (or too severely burned) I could get my money back. Isn't it amazing how some things just fall into place, like they were meant to happen? That is what they call synchronicity. So, I signed up. The Fire Walk Seminar
The Fire Walk Seminar consisted of the Friday night fire walk and then two days of material on the neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) method of personal improvement. The seminar leader, Tony Robbins, emphasized that the seminar was not about walking on fire. Rather, it was a metaphor for overcoming your fears and for improving yourself. Could see them preparing hot coals
While Robbins was running us through various confidence-building exercises, his crew was building a huge bonfire within our view outside. I started to have second thoughts. Had to sign form with lawyer
At midnight, after signing release forms with his lawyer, in case we became seriously burned (how's that for a confidence builder?), we lined up outside. There was a path 6 feet wide and 20 feet long of glowing, red hot embers. I'm not that foolish
No way was I going to be so foolish to walk across those babies! But somehow I found myself in the line, and soon it was my turn. Robbins told me to concentrate on something cool. He told me to chant "Cool moss" over and over. "And don't look down!" I felt like a champion
So I started walking across those hot embers. I barely felt a cinder. Then as I got to the end, I yelled out in celebration. That was part of the ceremony. And I felt like a champion. I had overcome a scary challenge and achieved a difficult goal. Hey, I was a champion! How is it possible?
There were many scientific studies about how people can walk on glowing cinders without getting their feet burned. The answer finally came out that it wasn't mind-over-matter as Robbins and others had claimed. It also wasn't that fear caused the soles of your feet to sweat, thus protecting you, as the newspapers reported. Rather, the answer could be explained by simple physics. The wood used had a very low rate of heat exchange, such that the embers were red hot on the inside but relatively cool on the surface. As you walked across the coals, you were never on a cinder long enough for the heat to burn your feet. If a material that had a higher rate of heat exchange, such as coal or aluminum, you would be severely burned. Lessons from this story
Fire walking is one of many ways people can overcome
fears. There are seminars and camps where people skydive, climb mountains,
and walk among snakes. What is important is the message presented along with
the challenge.
Fear is a natural reaction to danger or the threat of injury. If suddenly confronted with a huge dangerous animal, most everyone will turn and run. Likewise, if you are given a choice of doing something you perceive as harmful, you will usually avoid the danger. The problem occurs when the danger is not real or the fears are not rational. You can overcome irrational fears by confronting them in a safe--but yet scary--environment. Small successes over danger can build up your confidence and bravery. Sometimes you can also do this by following the example of others. Questions you may have are:
Fears
There are two major types of fear in humans. One is the fear of physical harm. The other is the fear of looking foolish in the eyes of your peers and being ridiculed because of it. Fear of injury
There are many situations in which you can actually get hurt. Humans, as well as animals, have a built in fear reflex to react to physical danger. The problem occurs is when the danger is not all that bad, but yet the person enlarges it, such that he or she will not do certain activities. Often these are called phobias. Phobias
Some examples of such fears of injury are the fear of insects, fear of height, and fear of water. They are usually exaggerated beyond the actual threat or danger. In some cases, those phobias can be corrected by slowly building up your confidence by having small successes in dealing with the threat. But, in general, it is very difficult to overcome any irrational fears. Normal fears
There are many fears of injury people have that are completely normal and rational. You may fear stepping on hot coals, because you know they will burn you. You may fear jumping out of an airplane with a parachute, because the consequence of failure is death. In these cases, you can learn to overcome the natural fear, provided someone shows you that there is nothing to fear in the specific situation. Fear of being ridiculed
Certainly if you fail in front of other people, there is the possibility of being ridiculed. This is probably the greatest fear people have. It can cause you to lose confidence and esteem, as well as to be looked upon as not valuable or desirable, no important and certainly not powerful. There are many cases where people hesitate from doing something they want to do, because they fear of consequences of failure or some impending disaster.
Such fears are great and very real to the person. Overcoming fears
You can overcome fears by gaining confidence in your ability to do such a task. That is usually done by doing something difficult or dangerous and seeing that the consequences of failure are not so bad or that the chances of failure are not so great. Overcoming fear of injury
There are many activities that are truly dangerous. There are some that seem dangerous, but really are safe. For those activities, you must be brave enough to give it a try. The rewards are great. Walking on fire
Walking on red-hot coals seems very dangerous, but if properly done, it is relatively safe. By being assured it is safe and seeing others do it in a controlled environment, you can overcome your natural fears to literally walk on fire. An example of such an experience is in I Walked on Fire (and lived to tell about it). Sky diving
The consequence of failure in jumping out of an airplane with a parachute is death. Even when properly trained, the fear can be great. The percentage of ski-divers that actually get killed is small, but it still is quite a risk. The thrill-seekers that do it, get a tremendous rush of confidence. Swimming
A person who is afraid of drowning can be very fearful if required to swim--even if he or she has been properly taught and can easily swim in shallow water. Taking a jump into deep water and actually swimming, despite the perceived threat of drowning, can be a brave move. That person will be confident to do it again, and that confidence can reflect in other activities. Overcoming fear of being ridiculed
Most people can overcome the fear of ridicule by getting a track record of successes in the specific activity. The most common activity where people fear being ridiculed is in speaking to a group. The fear of public speaking can paralyze even a person who has been brave under extreme physical danger. The champion attitude about this is to make sure the ridicule never happens--or at the very least, to minimize the potential for ridicule. This does not mean to avoid the activity that has the potential consequence of ridicule if you fail. For example, in giving a speech or presentation in front of a group, you should prepare well enough that you are sure of doing a good job. You should also have some safety net in case your mind goes blank and you forget what you were going to say. And finally, have a demeanor that will not accept ridicule from others. For example, see Overcoming the Fear of Speaking to Groups. Benefits of overcoming fear
Certainly, when you complete what you perceive as a dangerous task, you feel great about your achievement and about yourself. You have the confidence to be able to do activity again. You can sky-dive again or speak to the assembly again. you still may have some anxiety, but you are sure you will be able to succeed again. Your confidence from overcoming your fears can rub off in other--unrelated--areas. Being confident from jumping out of an airplane may rub off in being confident about cold-calling a potential customer. In conclusion
People fear physical harm or ridicule. Sometimes the danger is not as bad as it seems. Taking a little step in overcoming the fear can go a long way in increasing your confidence and erasing other fears |
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