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Ask Scully!

This is where you get an answer to all your questions about me, Shturmie, The X-Files or pretty much anything! If you would like to ask something, email me here.

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Q. "Agent Scully, are Doggett and Reyes doing it?" - lemmings2000 (email supplied) :175

A. Oh, God yes! Absolutely non-stop! The grunting and slurping noises just drive me up the wall, sometimes! They're like rabbits! They just go at it night and day! By doing it, you do mean eating carrots, right? Thanks for your question!

Q. "Agent Scully, I'm writing a play for my school. It is based upon The X-Files. Would you and Agent That Guy be willing to portray yourselves? Also, what sort of panties do you like?" - leoskank88 (email supplied) :174

A. I would sooner stick my ass in a blender than appear in your totally shitty pus-bucket of a play. I would swallow 50 pounds of old nitro, then jump off the Statue of Liberty, rather than even fly over your state. I'd smear myself with bile and liquified pigs guts, then throw myself into a tank of piranhas before admitting that I'd even heard of the town in which your grandparents conceived your daddy. I don't know about Agent That Guy, I'll have to ask him. As for your other question, I used to wear g-strings, but Shturmie kept destroying them as he tore them from my body, so now I don't bother with underwear at all anymore. I can send you my old, unwashed ones if you'd like - psyche! As if! F**k off and die. Thanks for your question!

Q. "Agent Scully, I've recently begun flying multi-engined airplanes from a small airport in Alaska. I don't have as much cold-weather flight experience as I'd like, so I wonder what tips and advice you might be able to give me. Thanks." - Paul Tibbets (email supplied) :173

A. One thing to always remember to check are that fuel filters and sumps (including each tank sump) are equipped with quick drains. Sufficient fuel should be drawn off into a transparent container to see if the fuel is free of contaminants. Experienced operators place the aircraft in level flight position, and the fuel is allowed to settle before sumps and filters are drained. All fuel sumps on the aircraft are drained including individual tank sumps. Extra care should be taken during changes in temperature, particularly when it nears the freezing level. Ice may be in the tanks which may turn to water when the temperature rises, and may filter down into the carburetor causing engine failure. During freeze - up in the fall, water can freeze in lines and filters causing stoppage. If fuel does not drain freely from sumps, this would indicate a line or sump is obstructed by sediment or ice. There are approved anti - ice additives that may be used. Where aircraft fuel tanks do not have quick drains installed, it is advisable to drain a substantial amount (1 quart or more) of fuel from the gascolator; then change the selector valve and allow the fuel to drain from the other tank. Advisory Circular (AC) 2O - 43C, entitled "Aircraft Fuel Control," contains excellent information on fuel contamination. Paragraphs 10 and 11 are especially pertinent to many light aircraft and include a recommendation for periodic flushing of the carburetor bowl. Thanks for your question!

Q. "Dear Agent Scully, if you could go back in time and fix one thing, what would it be?" - Brenda_Pragel (email supplied) :172

A. I'd shoot the Spice Girls' agent. Thanks for your question!

Q. "Agent Scully, is there any truth to the rumor that Agent That Guy is gay?" - supanova (email supplied) : 171

A. Could be. I think Special Agent Diana Fowley is getting her rocks off someplace else, these days. Thanks for your question!

Q. "Agent Scully, we are your fans! Why are you so abusive to us?" - LGMRule (email supplied) :170

A. If you have to ask, you'll never get it. Thanks for your question!

Q. "Agent Scully, what would you wear to a semi-fancy birthday party? I wanna look good but relaxed." - jennie (email supplied) :169

A. Maybe a coffin. Those morticians do great work. Thanks for your question!

Q. "Dear Agent Scully, does William have a middle name?" - Holly0925 (email supplied) :168

A. Of course! It's Shturmovik[KGB]! What the hell else would it be? Thanks for your question!

Q. "Agent Scully, 'Yew remember me, Dana? It's Sherrif Hartwell! Now I know I aint seen you in a long time, and i'm sure you're probably mad at me for poisioning you and all, and I don't blame yah if yah are, but Dana, Dana I just can't stop thinkin' 'bout you. I says to myself, I says, "now there was a classy FBI agent." And to tell you the truth, I think you got a butt that just won't quit! So Dana, I just wanted to know, can you ever forgive me for slippin' that poison in your coffee? If it makes any differance, I got me some braces a couple 'ears back, and my teeth are straight as an arrow now Dana. So Dana, oh sweet Dana, can I stand next to your fire??????" - Sherriff Hartwell (email supplied) :167

A. Well, tell me where you are right now, and I'll come set fire to your motorhome. How's that? Oh, GOD! What was I thinking? I'm so embarrassed. I was so angry at Agent That Guy for wasting more of my time on that stupid, stupid case, that I secretly got drunk as hell. Hey, I really missed my Shturmikins, OK? But I can't believe I let myself act like Buffy, especially over a doofus like you. Thanks for your question!

Q. "Agent Scully, can you get me a job at Ten Thirteen Productions? Pretty please?" - petuniaZap (email supplied) :166

A. Sure! The LAPD have been having a massive cleanup operation on hookers recently, and some of the Craft Services dudes are getting kind of edgy, so I'm sure you'll be just what the doctor ordered! Thanks for your question!

Q. "Agent Scully, I'm head-over-heels in love with Special Agent That Guy! I've come to realise that he's way too good for a foul-mouthed tramp like you, so can you please send me the key to his apartment? At least I'll use it the way God intended." - comcbites (email supplied) :165

A. Don't you mean you're heels-over-head? Whatever. I'd love to send you my key (he deserves you) but I already sent it to Jeffrey Dahmer's crazy cousin. God told me to do it. Sorry. Thanks for your question!

Q. "Agent Scully, in Fight The Future, when you were in Antarctica, did you see the giant UFO at the end or not?" - Jennie.Rizzo (email supplied) :164

A. What UFO? There's no such thing. Thanks for your question.

Q. "Agent Scully, in the Detour case, you sung Three Dog Night's Joy To The World. Is this your favorite song?" - skinmandy (email supplied) :163

A. What, are you shitting me? "Jeremiah Was A Bullfrog"? Gimme a break! My favorite is It's Raining Men. Thanks for your question!

Q. "Agent Scully, what do you think of David Duchovny, the guy who plays Agent That Guy on the show that your friend Gillian Anderson stars in?" - dd4me99 (email supplied) :162

A. Kind of cute, but a totally stuck-up guy. In some ways he's worse than the real Agent That Guy, believe it or not. Good with money though. Thanks for your question!

Q. "Dear Agent Scully, if you could live anyplace on Earth, where would you choose? I live in Arizona" - tulpa01 (email supplied) :161

A. Anyplace but Arizona. Anyplace where Shturmie is. Someplace where they don't ask me for free medical advice at parties. Thanks for your question!

Q. "Agent Scully, how is a certain Mr Waterson? You know, the guy you are often seen with even though you are so committed to Shturmovik[KGB]" - doggiesbabe (email supplied) : 160

A. He's great. I love his work. But you have me confused with Gillian Anderson, I think. Anyhoo, I could probably go for a serious relationship with him, were it not for the fact that, a) I met Shturmie first, and won't even be able to look at another guy romantically or sexually ever again, b) Gillian Anderson has told me all sorts of weird shit about him, and, c) he's gay. Well, I guess he is. Come on, he's an artist! Thanks for your question!

Q. "Agent Scully, how much longer do you think you'll be working on The X-Files project?" - Dori (email supplied) :159

A. If there's a God, he obviously hates me, because I'm still there. Not long now though. Thanks for your question!

Q. "Agent Scully, if you are really in a relationship with this Shturmie person and Agent Mulder is actually called That Guy, how come that's not how it is on the show?" - SluttyCow (email supplied) :158

A. First, you do realise that Mr. Bat is going to pound your f**king head flat tonight, don't you? That's because you used the forbidden M word. The M word situation has occurred due to the fact that 99% of the television-viewing public are unable to grasp a concept even as simple as that of a person named 'That Guy'. This is why shows such as Survivor not only get produced, but are popular. Shit for entertainment for people with shit for brains. Second, if you are referring to the laughable television show made by that Carter guy, the show that my friend Gillian Anderson stars in, you're an even bigger idiot than I first thought. Do you really believe the world is ready for Great Things such as my Shturmikins? Just one glimpse and mere mortals like you are instantly vaporized! God wears a welder's mask whenever he gazes upon Shturmie! Thanks for your question!

Q. "Dear Agent Scully, OMG, you have no idea how much I love you! All my friends do, too! We chicks have to stick together and you remind us of how strong and beautiful we really are! Thank you for that!" - DoggyBabe (email supplied) : 157

A. What is this, Thelma and Louise? Am I a mirror? Get the f**k away from me! God! Thanks for your question!

Q. "Agent Scully, how do you cope with being in dangerous situations all the time?" - Margie (email supplied) :156

A. You know, I never really gave it much thought. I guess the love of my Shturmikins is enough to erase even the worst stress. That and Vodka. Thanks for your question!

Q. "Agent Scully, how come you don't seem like a very devoted mommy? I mean that you often seem to run off and leave William all by himself. Are you coping?" - frohike4me (email supplied) :155

A. Just what the hell are you implying? Do you think you're bat-proof or something? I guess you'll find out tonight! I do NOT leave William alone, ever! Shturmie is always with him if I'm not! The reason you don't see him is because he's shy! F**k you! Thanks for your question!

Q. "Agent Scully, what do you think of the show that Gillian Anderson makes? Is it realistic, compared with your real life activities?" - wondering (email supplied) :154

A. Oh, please! That soap opera? No way! God, it's like an episode of Ed or something! Gillian hates it. She misses the days when she used to shoot people and stuff, instead of acting like the seventh member of Friends. Too many teenage girls watching the show, that's the problem. That, and the writers really blow. Thanks for your question!

Q. "Agent Scully, who do you think is worse, Diana Fowley or Marita Covarrubias?" - shipperxfile9 (email supplied) :153

A. How dare you talk about my friends like that? Shit, I bet that if you had any friends they'd all be total sluts! Diana is a fine person. So she's old and haggard, who cares? Not Agent That Guy, obviously! And Marita is a hot, hot babe, with some really great connections. So there. Thanks for your question!

Q. "Agent Scully, who gets to choose the music you listen to on your cases?" - Fiona Talbot (email supplied) :152

A. Wha...? Who do you think? Some Great Silver God or something? I do know how to work a car radio, you know! God, you people are such morons! Having said that, I have to admit the fact that for a few years now I've been troubled by the weirdest tinnitus. It sounds like really cheesy synth music and it follows me everywhere I go and just won't stop! Dang. Thanks for your question!

Q. "Agent Scully, what do you or Gillian or any of the people at Ten Thirteen Productions think of The X-Files fanfiction?" - mox_fulder (email supplied) :151

A. When the hell are you people going to start using absorbent paper? The shiny stuff just doesn't work! All it does is smear it around, and it's harder to flush! Sheesh! Thanks for your question!

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