| You wanna know about me? Well Fine, some of my favorite bands include Fuel *Sigh*, CREED, the atartis, linkin park, sum 41, alien ant farm!, Dashboard Confessional, and WEEzer and such (not that it's any of your business). If I were to describe myself I wouldn't, Because I'm way to confused on who I am anyway. I'm usually bored out of my mind, so just IM me already and stop reading this: Jezabel424 My e-mail address is [email protected] so you can send me funny forwards and such. Oh, and i'm a really bad speller/typer so your going to find tons of typos! |
| Daily Whinings of a Wandering Soul |
| Whinings are posted at random; rather then displace all my stupidty on my friends, they can come and read them on a voluntary basis!!! |
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| 2001 |
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| January 1, 2002- Happy New year, and a jolly good one to come. so ver all this past year of 2001 was pretty crappy. well actually in some respects it was the best. There were a lot of downers but also a lot of uppers. I guess I kinda forgot about al lthe goodie gum drop stuff and gave into the pessimism. Time to be happy ball of sunshine again. I guess I've just felt so unneeded lately. I'm needy i nthat i want to be needed. But i'm not and that's ok. I really needed this vacation. It's helped to get my mind off of lots of bad iky stuff. I feel a lot better then i have in the past couple of months. And i got some extra hours in and the hell hole and made some pretty damn good tips. I got the new creed CD and it's really good. New years was fun, went over gianna's house and hung out with her craig, brendan, and drew. Lots o' laughs glad i went. We went to lasalle after the ball dropped to fire off these little streamer bombs but there was this cop parked in the lasalle parking lot so we left, it was kinda funny that he was there. |
| July 11, 2001- Wow it's been a really long fucking time huh? sorry to those of you who were constant readers of mine and my stopping. Well what to say, I guess a lot has happened since i last wrote. I worked on The Glass Menergie at school.....me and mike day finally went out for al lof about a month i think but it wasn't working out on my part for reasons that are too lengthy and personal to discuss so yeah i guess i'm the bad guy in that department. Sad to say that friendhsip b/w us has bee nsomething difficult and I really do want to be friends but i think he needs to get over me first. Me and Tyler have been hanging out alot and doing out guy bashing which is ALWAYS so fun....i love that girls she's so great to hang out with and talk to. Movie night with dan and aaron started up again which is always fun even though they are always late and i'm left there waiting around for them to show. Lets see what else.....the self esteem bit...still not too good in that department. I've decided to lay low and shut up this summer in order to avoid confrontation or get anyone mad.ssems like lately everyone is out to bash on me calle me stupid shit or say i'm weird crazy or fucked up. I'm not as fucking up as people think i am, and i don't have issues/ Right now the only issue i have is that people think i have issues which makes me insecure about the way people may be judging me. I have how people keep spreadin some sort of rumor about me having issues like i'm fucked up or a desease cause it's not cool and i don't like it one bit. I also wish that if people had shit to say about me then they'd have the balls to say it to my face rather then having me hear it from other people cause the fact of the matter is the shit always comes out and u may trust someone who your friend not to tell me but odds are it's gonna come out at one point or another. I respect people who can diss me to my face i hate cowards who can't. So there! A little lonely right now. It's always nice to have someone.. i need to start meeting peole outside of lasale or my group of friends who haven't already heard people saying i'm fucked up or have issues and run away scared. i read one of my poems, well its not really a poem as much as ranting, at YAI at AS220 july 3 and A LOT of people loved it. I got a ton of positive comments on it which felt really good and was cool. It sounded kinda feminist but it was all good. I'm out for now write bac ksoon.....leave a post in my messageboard so i know your reading and i'll keep writting. |
| July 18, 2002- Ok so here's the "Feminazi" poem for those of u who haven't heard or read it, give me feedback if u wish. ............. Yeah, I�m just a poor helpless girl. I can�t do anything for myself and you know that I can�t survive without a man by my side, (6�2� .. tall dreamy)...a real Romeo...and all that jazz. Because I can�t bench press 75 pounds...oh wait, I can. And Lord knows I can�t walk around the city without an escort on my arm ...oh wait, I do. Which gets me wondering, is there anything I can�t do? Are we still living in a man�s world? Am I an oppressed female? Is my worth still measured by the size of my tits or the concept that I�m not beautiful enough? No, because the fact of the matter is I can do everything a man can do...and then some. I can occupy any job I want...If I wannabe a God damned plumber I sure as fucking hell am gonna be one, and if I want to be a lawyer I�m damned well gonna to be AND get the same pay, and if I don�t I�ll sue your ass with the $120,000 dollar education I received at some ivy league school that I�m gonna be paying off for the next 10 years because I don�t have balls and they won�t give me a job. And if that doesn�t work I�ll get Johnny Cochran on your ass cause he doesn�t care if you have this (o) or this (--) as long as you have this ($). {hand gestures} And if I want to wear slutty clothes and walk around town without the nagging fears of a dark allies and rape I will OR I�ll go Lorena Bobit on your ass because I carry around a 2 inch blade in my back pocket and I�ve got tits. Did I mention that gives me the license to know how to chop a cucumber into 5mm slices in 10 seconds flat. In other words, I�ll make you wish you never let you dick get upwards past half mast to break wind. And while I�m on the subject of your ass, it�s mine. Yes, it�s mine till the day you die and the only way you�ll escape my wrath is if your gay or a priest. But don�t get too excited boys because I�m always up for a good challenge. And If I want the top I�ll get it and ride you ten way till Sunday and it�ll be for me NOT you. And if I want the bottom your gonna pleasure me and hit the right spot because if I�m not happy you won�t be either. You think my PMS is limited to only 7 days a month HA. It�s 24 hrs. a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year and whenever your not making me happy....which has been alot. So shut up, sit still, and look cute Sparky. The fact of the matter is I�m in control and I know this because someone invented Viagra. I�m sorry. Did you think that was for you? No, no...that one was for me because your ass is mine when I want it, how it want it, and whatever time of the day I want it because you need me and I DON�T need you. I�m my own vehicle of procreation. If I want a kid I can go down to the corner deli and have one injected like a flu shot in the middle of winter and 9 months later BANG I�ve got me an instant family of 2, NOT 3..Because I can cook, clean, hold a job, raise a kid, fuck around, get home and still have time to watch Saturday Night Live and take my bubble bath. And do you know why I�m in control? Because I make the rules, I sit the guidelines, and I don�t need you anymore, and the only time I�ve ever been out of control was when I let you get close enough to hurt me so THAT is why I will never let myself love you again. That's all she wrote......anyway, so yeah nothing has been going right at all. everything i plan falls apart. I've already been stood up and left waiting twice when epople said they'd meet up with me which is so not cool....very very very tired of people walking on me and taking me for granted. Been trying to plan a trip to blockisland for tomorow and it's just not going good, everyone keeps saying they have things coming up and basically right now it'sl ooking like me myself and i. I NEED to get away from everything for a day. DUDE i just want to build the biggest god damned castle anyone has ever seen and relad in he su nand laugh with a couple of friends over an overly expensive burger and shake. but nothing ever works out and i'm begining to think that jesus, gandi, AND buddha all hate me and are out to get me for reasons that i am still unsure of. but yeah that's my life. everyone has been mentioning things that have been making me sad, i've been thinking about my dad A lot. I really miss and would give ANYTHING to have him back. Being kidnapped gang raped and tortured would pobablyu be better then not having him. i just wish i new that then. I watched the glass house this weekend and my friend was like "gee that's stupid why is she having nightnares about her parents accident when she doesn't know what happened cause she wasn't there" and it just clicked with me cause it doesn't matter, i wasnt' there and i dream about my dad's accient all of the time and it feels like i was there in him or near by. U don't have to see it to feel it. "I remember feeling low I remember losing hope I remember all the feelings and the day they stopped we are we are all innocent." -Our Lady Peace |
| July 29, 02- OK, so the block island trip didn't happen and i got bailed on without any notice. And so movie night didn't happen either cause no one called me to tell me it wasn't happening and therefore i was left without any plans or without anyone to hang out iwht on a friday night, and so i waited at the mall for my buds to show and they never did, but there's still hope right? i think. or not. this summer has completely blow. every time i have time to go to the beach it RAINS or clouds roll in, or my friends bail. I mean wtf, i feel so walked on and disregarded COMPLETELY. I mean am i such a terrible person that i should be ignored, forgotten about, disrespected? I try so hard at everything and only get shit thrown back in my face repeatedly. I've missed ALL of the good things thus far this summer such as waterfires and bru concerts. I feel so drained, tired, and angry with everythign and everyone. I mean i have big messes at work, i hate the customers and ARG. WHY CAN"T PEOPLE JUST GIVE ME A LITTLE BIT TIMES NOTICE before bailing. I mean if u know u can't come then why sa u can and if u find out u can't why not just tell me asap. The closest thing to a relationship this summer i've had has been with my computer. Only fat ugly guys hit on me at work, or short bald guys at PPM at the phone hut as i walk by. Patricia has this idea of hooking me up with this guy she knows who was thinking abotut BEING A PRIEST. JEsus Christ. (no pun intended) but that would be as possible as trying to hook me up with dan morrocco. haha. so yeah guys are non-existant to me right now. i failed my last math test for that stupid course so i have to retake it probably tomorow. the instructors there are no help because they have not a single clue to what to do for the pre-cal i'm doing. they're only used to dealing with elementary math and basica algebra. ::sigh:: oh well another day tomorow maybe it'll be better, i hope. |