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The Comic's Pages |
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Volume 2, Number 1 May 2001 =============
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My
name is Joe, and, You
will never get rid of me. I will wheelie across your parking lot because
it's no fun unless lots of people can see me. I will blast by you on the
highway because I love to scare you with my screaming pipe. If you manage
to regulate me off my bike, I will still be there. I will push a big wake
thru your favorite marina with my watercraft or powerboat. I will rip thru
your quiet subdivision with my 'stang five-oh. I will tear down your cross
country ski trail on my sled. I will drive up your ass with my SUV. I will
pound my 'wheeler thru your wilderness park. During
the dark times without motortoys, I will crowd you off the sidewalk I'm on
my 'blades or my scooter. I will terrorize your boardwalk on my mountain
bike. I am everywhere. I love my toys, but motorcycles are my very
favorite! When I see or hear one I get butterflies in my stomach and weak
at the knees. I must have it! I must ride it with wild abandon into
oblivion! Squidlyness
is a risky business. If I go splat, one of my squidly brothers from our
vast hordes will take my place. Within minutes of my demise he will be
doing a massive brakeburn in the parking lot of your nearest Burger King.
His weapon may be an R1 or it may be a Chevette. It does not matter. He
has been fully prepared to use any and all available tools. Someday
I will be too old to maintain full lock of throttle and brake at the same
time. Or maybe I will become one of the hated ones who cross over to the
other side and fight the squid army. They are worse than former smokers.
It does not matter. The next generation of squids are being prepared now.
We have vast quantities of propaganda to complete the task. The little
squiddies are being saturated with stacks of brightly colored magazines,
mountains of hypnotizing video, and yes, even gigabytes of mesmerizing
internet content. We will lead them towards that great day when they
obtain a co-signer. The
little squiddies will form the next generation of squids. They will be
armed with technology one can only dream of. Imagine the possibilities! As
long as there is internal combustion and easy credit you will never get
rid of us! WE
ARE SQUIDS! -
WE ARE LEGION! - Thanks to Selden Deemer of Atlanta for bringing this important message to our attention. by Mike Van Dyne There is a growing epidemic of MA, or Motorcycling Affliction. Don't laugh because you might be its next victim. Just to give you a possible heads up in case it's creeping up on you, here are a few question to quietly answer for yourself. How many of these apply to you? 1. I have gone riding when I was depressed, or to cheer myself up. 2. I have gone on riding binges of several tanks of gas, or more, in a day. 3. I ride rapidly, often 'gulping' roads. 4. I have sometimes ridden early in the morning or before work. 5. I have hidden bikes in different places to sneak a ride in without being seen. 6. Sometimes, I avoid friends or family obligations in order to ride motorcycles. 7. I find myself analyzing sections of roads as if I was riding even while in a car. 8. I am unable to enjoy myself with others unless there is a bike nearby. 9. At a boring party, I will often slip off unnoticed to go riding. 10. Riding has made me seek haunts and companions, which I would otherwise avoid. 11. I have neglected personal hygiene or household chores until I have finished a ride. 12. I have spent money meant for necessities on accessories instead. 13. I have attempted to complete an Iron Butt ride. 14. Most of my friends are heavy motorcycle riders. 15. I have sometimes passed out from a night of heavy riding. 16. I have suffered 'blackouts' or memory loss from a bout of riding. 17. I have wept, become angry or irrational because of a road I have ridden. 18. I have sometimes wished I did not ride so much. 19. Sometimes I think my riding is out of control. Mike Van Dyne 83 V65 Magna - Harley Stalker |
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