Rollin' Funnies April01


The Comic's Pages

Rollin' eZine Volume 1, Number 12 April 2001 Bike Week Photo Page IBA Photo Page B2, One of those Days B2, countdown to IBR Biker Betty into Canada STAR2000 Report STAR2000 Photo Page Opening Day at T.W.O. Editorial, Veterans Nat'l Events Mailbag SpaceCoast Calendar Funnies Shorts ============= Link to Us Advertising Rates Our Favorite Links		This is One Tough Neighborhood "Sign here, sir... and initial here and here." Poor Bubba Redneck Bubba died in a fire and was burned pretty bad. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, were called. Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl looked and said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." So the mortician rolled him over and Daryl looked and said, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician thought that was rather strange and he was pretty sure of the body's identity. Gomer was then brought in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad. Roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer looked down and said, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician asked," How can you tell?" Gomer said," Well, Bubba had two assholes." "What! he had two assholes?" said the mortician. "Yup, everyone knew about it, too. Every time we went to town, folks would say, "Here comes Bubba with them two assholes". Just the Facts ma'am A Mother had 3 virgin daughters and they were all getting married soon. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt. The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said only "Folgers". Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got down the Folgers coffee. Printed on the can was: "Good to the last drop." Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter. The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson & Hedges". Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes where she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size". She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter. The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week...nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words "British Airways". Mom took out her latest Harper's Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages...fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for BA. The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways." Quick Reaction Time Just in case your boss catches you asleep at your desk, be ready to blurt out one of these excuses. They told me at the blood bank that this might happen. This is just a 15-minute power nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to. I was working smarter - not harder. Whew! I must have left the top off the whiteout. I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm! This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people! I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance. I'm in the management training program. I'm actually doing a Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan (SLEEP). I learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend. This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work! Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem. The coffee machine is broken .... Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot. Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off. Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic! I wasn't sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lens without my hands. The mail courier flipped out and pulled a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot. Gosh, I thought you (the boss) were gone for the day. Amen! Catchy Slogans Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam (seen on Cape Cod) Procrastinate Now My Dog Can Lick Anyone West Virginia: One Million People, and 15 last names FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION It comes bundled with the software I’M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I’VE GOT A GUN They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken Time is fun when you’re having flies... Kermit the Frog POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN Cops have nothing to go on HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON’T BELIEVE IN GOSH Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana The original point-and-click interface was a Smith & Wesson MY WILD OATS HAVE TURNED TO SHREDDED WHEAT Computer programmers don’t byte. They nibble a bit

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