jokes

One night there was a fire at Anfield! Gerard Houllier was phoned up and informed of the news and he got down to Anfield right away. When he got there he spoke to the Chief Fire Officer.
Houllier: Well, what's the damage?
Fireman: It doesn't look too good! The Kop is destroyed, The Main Stand is in ashes, the Anfield Road Stand is gone...
Houllier: Forget that! Are the cups alright?
Fireman: Yes, don't worry. The fire didn't reach the canteen!

One day Walter Smith was out and about enjoying himself in Liverpool City Center. A small boy saw him and went over to Walter for a chat. "Are you that football manager?" said the boy. "Yes." replied Walter. "Can I have your autograph please?" the boy continued. "Of course," said Walter, "where would you like me to sign?" "I haven't got any paper," the boy told Walter, "so will you sign part of my body instead?" "Certainly!" said Walter. With that the boy turned around, dropped his pants and pointed his bum at Walter!
"Oh dear," said Walter, "I think you're mistaking me! Gerard Houllier signs all the arse holes!"

One day Tom Thumb, Sleeping Beauty and Quassie Modo all go to see the Wizard Of Oz to ask him one question each. They are sitting in the waiting room chatting. "I'm going to ask him if I'm the smallest person in the world!" said Tom Thumb. "I'm going to ask him if I'm the most beautiful person in the world!" said Sleeping Beauty. "I'm going to ask him if I'm the ugliest person in the world!" said Quassie Modo.
So Tom Thumb goes in and a few minutes later he comes out and says, "It's official, I am the smallest person in the world!" Next Sleeping Beauty goes in. A few minutes later she comes out and says, "I am the most beautiful person in the whole world!" Finally Quassie goes in. A few minutes later he returns and says, "Who the fuck is Robbie Fowler?"

Dave, an Evertonian, dies and goes to Hell! He wants to leave and go to Heaven! The Devil agrees but says says, "First, you have to have sex with the ugliest girl in Hell!" He agrees and Gerard Houllier's wife apears. Dave has sex with her and is violently sick! When he is finished and about to leave Hell he sees Robbie Fowler having sex with some gorgeous woman! Dave complains to the Devil and the Devil says, "Yeah, she wanted to go to Heaven too!"