Something Completely Different

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough enough. It takes up a lot of 
your time and what do you get at the end of it? A death. What the hell is that, a bonus? I think the 
life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. 
You get kicked out when you get too young to stay there, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You 
work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, 
you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no 
responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months 
floating around... then you finish off as an orgasm. Now that's life as it should be!

It's A Dogs Life.

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise 
for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.

Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend, and inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run from or fight its enemies is lunch.

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.

Cat's Motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.

My wife and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our 
carpets or ruin our lives.

Here's an interesting one.....
Here is a neat Question for you to Ponder.
You only have 1 answer and the fate of the world is in your hands, Choose Well....
It is time to elect a world leader. It all comes down to your vote.
Here's the scoop on the three leading candidates :
Candidate A:
Associates with ward heelers and consults with astrologers.
He's had two mistresses.
He chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B:
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon,
used opium in college and drinks a quart of brandy every evening.

Candidate C:
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke,
drinks an occasional beer and hasn't had any illicit affairs. (although he did have one mistress).

OK...Which of these candidates is your choice?? A, B or C.
Candidate A was Franklin D. Roosevelt
Candidate B was Winston Churchill
Candidate C was Adolph Hitler