***

"Jen?"

"Jen, say something, dammit, or I'll go insane."

My voice sounds frantic even to myself, desperately reaching for the anchor that I am praying is at the other side of the phone line. The sun is beginning to set behind the tall buildings of Manhattan. I have spent most of the day in a state of nervous anxiety, giddiness, and dread all alternating one after the other, if not mixing together completely.

Waiting. Thinking. Worrying, reliving, analyzing. My mind has been through the whole assortment in such a short period of time that now I'm just starting to feel exhausted.

No longer able to stand it, I had given in and called Jen to tell her everything, from what happened since she left Pacey's apartment to the moment that I stood outside this morning, watching him leave.

"Joey, calm down. Don't get ahead of yourself too much here, okay?"

She doesn't elaborate. I let her words sink into me and take several deep breaths before asking the one question to which I'm most afraid of hearing the answer. "Did I just do something that I'm going to regret?"

"Why would you think that?"

The answer wrenches out of me. "Because I've waited ten years to be able to correct what I did to him, and now that I've been given that chance… God, Jen, I don't even know what's right anymore."

"Let me ask you something, Joey. Why do feel that you had to 'correct' anything?" Jen's voice is quiet, level. "I mean, I love you, and I love Pacey and Dawson, but I was there when this almost wrecked everything. You had to make a choice, and you did. You shouldn't feel like you have to say sorry for that. And you shouldn't feel like you have to say sorry to anyone for what just happened. Except maybe Vanessa. And that would just be out of pity."

That makes me laugh. We both stay silent while I process everything that she's said, knowing that it makes perfect sense. Telling myself that it does. "Jen, who's your therapist these days? Maybe I should make an appointment," I reply, smiling.

"Looks like I've picked up a thing or two, doesn't it?"

I let out a long, slow breath and force my voice to sound casual as I ask my next question. "So what do you think is going to happen now? Did I just turn myself into one of those women in the infamous Nick Shafer's long line of discarded playthings?"

Jen gives out a little laugh. "I don't think so, Jo." She pauses. "You know what I can't believe, though?"

"What?"

"Andie. I cannot believe that she knew all along! And she doesn't even live in the same country. I wonder how she could have kept it secret from even Jack?"

"Well, he said she knew that he didn't want anyone else to know… I guess she took that to heart." I refuse to let myself think about what that could mean.

"What else did Pacey say?"

I bite my lip, furrowing my brows and thinking. "Come to think of it, not much else."

She hesitates. "Do you think she still…?"

My hand reaches up to cover my eyes. "I don't know, Jen… maybe."

Jen senses my reluctance to discuss this subject and immediately switches gears. "Hey, guess what."

"You're getting married to John Terrell?" I tease her.

"No, but he's offered to come to Capeside with me for the reunion."

I can't stop a giggle from escaping. "Ohmigod, Jen, that's so - normal."

She laughs loudly. "I know! Wouldn't it be weird? Anyway, I'm going to hang up, because I know that you're just using me to kill time while you're waiting for a phone call from someone you really want to talk to. Really, you should be ashamed of yourself."

We say goodbye, and I'm left to sit on my couch with a small smile on my face, thanking whatever strange twist of fate that had made it possible for Jen Lindley and I to be friends.

The phone rings and I snatch it up with embarrassing speed. "Hello?"

"Hi, Aunt Joey," a small voice responds.

"Alex!" A smile spreads widely across my face. "How are you? How's Sam?"

"Fine. Daddy took us out rowing on the creek today and she kept moving so much she almost fell. Mommy wants to talk to you." He gives the phone to Bessie before I can say anything else.

"Hey, Bessie."

"I heard about the reunion. Are you coming?"

"Yes, why?"

"Nothing. I just needed to know so that I won't give out your room. How're you doing?"

I almost blurt out that I've found Pacey, but think better of it. "Great. Busy. What about you guys?"

"Good. The kids are excited to see you again."

We do a little more catching up, and by the time we're done my eyelids are drooping closed. I sit on the couch, alone in my apartment, and stare at the phone wondering if I should call him. My hand half-reaches out to pick up the receiver and then retreats as I argue quietly with myself.

Resigned, I get ready for bed and take the cordless phone with me, clutching it in my hand until I drift off to a fitful, dreamless sleep.

***

The buzzing of the doorbell rouses me, aggravating nerves already raw from a night of restless sleep. I sit up in bed and push a wild mass of hair off my face. That buzzing is giving me a headache. I spent the night tossing and turning. And I am getting really, really annoyed.

I look down to see my hand still clutching the phone. "Jerk," I mutter aloud to my room, throwing the phone against the pillows. "Unbelievable, good for nothing, sexist playboy pig. Jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk, jerk." I chant the word to myself as I throw on my robe and walk begrudgingly to the door to answer whoever was rude enough to disturb me at such an early hour.

"Alright! Stop that already! God, you'd think I was deaf, or something. I can hear you, okay? And you're making my day go from bad to…" my voice trails off as soon as I pull the door open. "Worse."

"Good morning to you, too." My eyes narrow at Pacey even as my heart skips happily in my chest.

"How did you get into the building?" I ask shortly, leaving him at the door to go to the kitchen for some coffee. "Jerk, jerk, jerk," I mutter under my breath while blocking out the image of him standing in my doorway in a smart blue suit and looking like he'd just stepped out of a Hugo Boss catalogue.

He steps inside and closes the door behind him. "Someone was going out for a jog. Did you just get up?"

"No, I usually dress this way for work." I retort, grabbing a mug.

Pacey sits at the breakfast counter, chin propped on palm, and chuckles as he watches me.

"Okay, did you want something? Because in case you haven't noticed, I haven't showered, I haven't gotten dressed, I am just now having my first cup of coffee, and I have - " I glance at the clock on the wall of my kitchen. "Thirty minutes to do all that if I don't want to be late. To top it all off, it's Monday. So if there's nothing else, you can go now. Thanks for dropping by, you know the way out."

"I could've sworn you'd be a morning person." He grins.

I shoot him a dangerous look.

He raises his hands in surrender. "Alright, before you throw your coffee at me, I just came by to see if you hadn't - by any chance - been trapped under a heavy object with your phone off the hook." He elaborates after I give him a questioning glance. "I was trying to call you last night. Kept getting a busy signal until I gave up because I fell asleep. Shopping for food is hard work."

I can only stare at him dumbly for a few seconds, feeling incredibly stupid. "Would you like some coffee?"

He laughs. "Yes, please. Now hurry up and get dressed. I'll give you a lift to work."

I hand him his drink and escape to the privacy of my room without another word. My reflection in the mirror on my closet door catches my eye, causing me to groan out loud in mortification. My hair is in tangles all around my head, faint rings are visible underneath my eyes, and my robe is less than flattering. No wonder he was so amused.

Three outfit changes and a record-time shower later, I come back out to my kitchen to find Pacey standing at the sink, just finishing up with washing our coffee mugs. A sudden feeling of shyness comes over me as I watch him, like an awkward kid having a crush for the very first time.

"You didn't have to do that."

He looks at me. "No problem. You ready?"

At my nod, he dries his hands with a dishtowel and grabs his coat before following me out the door. The drive to work is a quiet one, punctuated by short side comments about anything and everything - except what was really on my mind.

What are we doing? The truth is, I have no idea. But I'm scared to death of ruining whatever it is that's happening between the two of us. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch as he concentrates on his driving; blue eyes focused ahead, hands strong and tanned on the steering wheel.

It helps a little to know that he really had tried to call me last night. Still, some small part of me can't stop wondering if I'm eventually going to end up on that very long list enumerating the many women who've made the mistake of falling for Nick Shafer.

"Andie called last night," Pacey suddenly says, smiling.

"Really?" I reply, sounding too bright. It feels like blood is slowly rushing out of my head. "How is she?"

"She's great. She's decided to attend the reunion. Said she can't wait to see everyone again." He makes the right turn onto my office building's street.

"That's… great." I can't think of anything else to say. For some reason, I can't move my lips to ask him if he'd mentioned seeing me again. "What about you?"

"What about me?" He pulls up along the curb and looks at me.

"Have you decided to reconsider paying a little visit to your humble hometown?" I smile at him, arching my brows expectantly.

He grins, tilting his head to one side. "You've made me late for work, you know."

I study him for a while, deciding whether to accept his abrupt change of subject. "Too bad. My heart bleeds for you and your six-figure salary." My hand reaches out to open the car door.

"Remind me again why I took the time to stop by your place this morning?" He says in mock exasperation.

"You needed someone to cook you a decent breakfast." I answer smugly.

Pacey frowns, thinking. "No, I wouldn't have come to you for that."

"Jerk," I hit his arm lightly and start to get out of the car.

"Joey," he stops me, his hand holding the hair tucked behind my ear, his thumb briefly caressing my cheek. My breath hitches in my lungs. Pacey leans in and kisses me, his lips soft and warm against my own.

My hands reach up to touch the short hair at the back of his head. I melt willingly into the kiss, drinking him in and memorizing every moment. His breath tickles my ear when he pulls away, our hearts beating a little faster.

"We need to talk." His voice is gruff.

"Yes," I nod, trying to read his eyes.

"I'll see you tonight." He brushes a strand of hair behind my shoulder with his fingers.

I push the car door open and step out, knowing that I probably won't get any work done at all today.