Capeside, Massachusetts
June 2001

***

"Congratulations, Class of 2001!"

The cheer and applause that follows that statement is almost deafening and I rise from my seat, still in a daze while classmates and friends hug and kiss all around me.

"Congrats, Joey!" A smiling girl with red hair envelopes me in a hug. I manage a weak smile and hug her back, shaking off the dark cloud that's settled over my head since the day began. Or maybe it's been weeks.

"Would you sign mine?" She asks me, holding out a slender, dark blue leather-bound yearbook. I nod and take it, along with the pen she offers, and use a nearby chair for support as I write. "Have you decided where you're going in the fall?" We're standing in the middle of a whirl of activity, congratulations and well wishes and teary goodbyes floating in and out of earshot. Her name is Hannah. I did a project in English Lit. with her.

"Columbia, I think." I finish with her yearbook and hand her mine just as an arm snakes around my waist, cutting off our conversation.

"Congratulations." Dawson takes a quick, candid snapshot from arm's length and then kisses me on the lips.

"Hi." I greet him. Hannah returns my yearbook, wishes us luck, and says goodbye before disappearing into the crowd.

"So, how does it feel to be finished with high school?" Dawson asks with a smile, his arm still around me.

I roll my eyes good-naturedly and shake my head. "Dawson, we've been finished with high school for weeks. This was just a formality."

"True," he agrees, regarding our long, dark gowns and the foldable seats littering the football field. "But this is when everything is final, Joey. It's the rite of passage; there's no more turning back."

His words cause me to look around at the people around us. Everyone is lingering; not quite ready yet to say goodbye for the last time. Capeside High stands a short distance away, now empty and lonely.

A lump forms in my throat and I have to blink several times to fight back the wetness in my eyes. Is this it? Is it really over? High school seems to have gone by before I even had time to realize it. But so many things have happened, and it's hard to believe that it's time to move on. To say goodbye.

"Hey, Class of 2001. Ready to blow this joint?" Jen's eyes are twinkling mischievously as she approaches, her lips set in a wide grin.

"Where're Jack and Andie?" Dawson asks her while they hug.

"I was just about to ask you the same thing." Jen replies, hugging me. "Why don't you go look for them while Joey and I stay here in case they show up?"

He agrees reluctantly and leaves the two of us standing there, watching as he walks off.

"You okay?" Jen asks gently, her eyes still on Dawson.

"Of course." I reply brightly, looking straight ahead even after he's disappeared amid the groups of people standing around the field. "You?"

"I'm fine." She says casually. "But I'm thinking that the look you had on your face just now means that you're either reliving the events of months past, or you're actually going to miss this place."

I let out a sigh. When did Jen become so perceptive? "You're right."

"About the reliving part or about the missing part?"

"The latter." I lie, and the expression she has on her face tells me that she's not buying it. "Okay. Both."

"It's been a year, Joey." And we've hardly spoken a word to each other.

"I know." It still stings a little, knowing that I hurt him. Because I was such a coward. Am such a coward. And it hurts to know that he hates me for it.

"I think I see Jack. Stay here, I'll be right back." She abruptly says, and she's gone before I can even get one word out.

I shift from one leg to the other and look around. And suddenly I realize why she left so hastily.

He's wearing a dark gown just like the rest of us, except I can see the collar of a light blue dress shirt peaking out from the neckline. The expression on his face is serious, almost grim, and his blue eyes are carefully averted even as he comes closer.

My throat dries up. The palms of my hands feel damp, and a million things are running through my head.

He stops in front of me.

I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out.

"Congratulations." He says, his voice soft. His eyes finally meet mine.

"Congratulations," I smile uncertainly, searching for something to say. Oh God, please stay a while. Please talk to me.

A thick silence hangs between us. It's ironic, because all around us everyone is laughing or crying or talking.

"Are you going to Jack and Andie's party tonight?" I blurt out. It's supposed to be a combined graduation party and send-off for Andie, who is moving permanently to Italy. I know he was invited, even though he'd been avoiding any gatherings which included me. And Dawson.

He shakes his head. "I'm not too sure about that. I told Andie I'd try, though."

He shrugs, and I nod. We're both silent again.

"Here," he finally says, handing me his yearbook. "Sign mine. For old time's sake."

His last sentence sends a slash of pain through my chest but I ignore it, taking his yearbook and giving him mine. We both write quietly for a while and then we're done, and we look at each other for a few minutes before he nods and gives me a quick, tentative hug.

The lump in my throat forms again, and I take several deep breaths to keep the tears from spilling over. It almost feels like he's afraid to touch me.

"Take care, Jo." He whispers. And then he's gone.

I look down at the ground and try valiantly to keep the emotions in check, opening my yearbook to read what he had written through blurred eyes. My heart squeezes painfully as the words sink in, tears finally escaping to run down my cheeks.

I know you'll have a wonderful life, Jo. I'm glad I've been a part of it. And I'll never regret that, ever. Thank you for being a part of mine.

Love, Pacey.