by Jon Lewallen
Well, I guess everyone�s pretty much here, so why don�t we go ahead and start. As you�ve all heard by this point, Jon is taking his leave of us to join MacGruder and Step-sons, and today is his last day. So we thought we�d give him some cake and a send-off in our usual company tradition. Jon served ably as a file manager before being promoted to file editor in 2005, where he also served ably. All of his performance appraisals show that Jon was a valued employee. At this point I�d like to turn over the proceedings to Jon�s supervisor, Tim. Tim? Tim?�
�Oh, I�m sorry. I was just thinking about pies.�
�Ha ha, get up here, you old pirate. Let�s hear it for Tim.�
[mild applause]
�Thanks Bernie. And you know, you�re right. Jon has served ably. You know, I�ll never forget when he came in for an interview, he had an air of competence and even-keeledness that was a breath of air. And he had a suit with question marks on it. No wait, that�s the Riddler. You know, it�s unfortunate that we�re losing Jon, but you know, Jon has provided a solid value to our organization and you know, I have a feeling he�ll be back.�
[laughter]
�He�ll be back. You know, Mallory, you were saying something about Jon just the other day, weren�t you?�
�Oh, um, yeah. Just that I�ve had lunch with Jon a few times. He seems like a nice enough guy.�
�Thanks, Mallory, for that. Anyone else? Let�s go around the room. Byron? Sherry? No? Greg, how about you? Lewis? Billingsley? Michaela, you must have something to say. Skeleton Man? Hiram? Fleshy Derringer, anything? Inky? Cynthia? Big Bulbous Joe? Tarantula? Pendlequarry Q. Pendlequarry? Jennifer? Alison the Snakecharmer? Okay, then, why don�t we just bring Jon up to say a few words. Jon, everybody.�
[sporadic applause]
Thanks everyone. I�ll never forget my first day here. A few people � Andrea, you were one of them, and The Vampiror, back when he still worked here, came by and said hello. And you know, that really meant a lot to me.
�Well thanks for those words, Jon. Now I know you�re a big baseball fan ��
Basketball.
�Right. Oh. Well, as your going-away gift, we got you a pair of baseball tickets. Enjoy.�
Oh, great. Thanks.
�And now, let�s have some cake! Lumberjack Larry, will you do the honors? Great. And while he�s taking care of that, let�s all raise our cups of pineapple juice. No, raise, raise. Not�there you go. To Jon!�
[silence]
Fighting Spirit...p. 3
Neighborhood Watch...FRONT
Message from the President...FRONT
Pine Oaks Book Club...p. 2
Welcome Wagon...FRONT
This Month in Pine Oaks...FRONT
Young Person's Perspective...p. 4