Costello: So I hear you've been following a family football league, something called the Sunday Football Picks.
Abbott: You're absolutely right. Great stuff. Seven people battling to be the best in NFL predictions.
Costello: Seven people? So they must get ranked every week to keep track of who's doing the best, right?
Abbott: Naturally. They just finished Week 5, which was Pick Like Pa Week.
Costello: Interesting. So tell me, who's in first?
Abbott: Alicia, Dolores, Mark, Nicole and QT Pie.
Costello: No, I didn't ask you to give me a list of the league's members. I asked you who's in first.
Abbott: I told you who's in first.
Costello: Let me say it another way. Who's the leader at the very top of the Sunday Football Picks standings?
Abbott: Alicia, Dolores, Mark, Nicole and QT Pie.
Costello: Clearly you're not understanding my question, or you've gone clinically insane. Let me ask this, who's in second in the Picks?
Abbott: No one.
Costello: No one? That's impossible. Who's in third?
Abbott: No one.
Costello: What? You do know that I'm asking you questions about this family football league you're following, right? The one with seven members? Who's in fourth?
Abbott: No one.
Costello: This is ridiculous! You're not answering any of my questions.
Abbott: I'm answering all of your questions.
Costello: That's not true! There are seven competitors in the league, right? OK, I hate to ask, but just tell me who's in fifth.
Abbott: No one.
Costello: You've got to be kidding me! We are talking about the Sunday Football Picks, right?
Abbott: Absolutely.
Costello: And there are seven individuals, completely separate people, not seven heads sharing one human body?
Abbott: Of course not. Let's not be silly here.
Costello: Silly? You're the one being silly! I just want to know who's in first.
Abbott: I've already told you twice who's in first.
Costello: OK, tell me again, who's the person who has the very best record, the person who ranks highest in the league, the person who would get the championship trophy if it were handed out today?
Abbott: Alicia, Dolores, Mark, Nicole and QT Pie.
Costello: Stop that! Stop giving me a laundry list of names! I only want to know who's in first. I don't need to be introduced to everyone in the league. Will you please be truthful with me?
Abbott: Certainly.
Costello: Great. Now just tell me the record of the first place individual in the Sunday Football Picks.
Abbott: That would be 41-26.
Costello: OK, now we're getting somewhere! The best person is 41-26. Well clearly there's a person who owns that record. So tell me, who's 41-26?
Abbott: Alicia, Dolores, Mark, Nicole and QT Pie.
Costello: There you go again! Rambling about all the people you know in this frustrating family football league! I ask a simple question and you give me a complicated answer.
Abbott: No, I gave you a simple answer.
Costello: I don't know why I keep talking to you. This is crazy. Who the heck is in first?!?!
Abbott: Alicia, Dolores, Mark, Nicole and QT Pie.
Costello: Are you trying to make me pull my hair out? Knock it off! OK, let me switch gears for a moment to spare my sanity. Who's this QT Pie you keep referring to? Is she really pretty cute?
Abbott: Absolutely. That's why she's called QT.
Costello: Would she win a football league beauty contest if they had one?
Abbott: Probably.
Costello: That figures. And is there a chance that QT is actually the person in first?
Abbott: Yes. She is in first place.
Costello: Now I've got it! I'm feeling better already. QT Pie is the one leading everyone else in the Sunday Football Picks! Right?
Abbott: Not exactly.
Costello: What the heck does that mean? You just told me QT is in first!
Abbott: That's because she is in first.
Costello: So QT's in first place, but she's not leading everyone else in the Sunday Football Picks, even though she's in first?
Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right.
Costello: I don't even know what I'm talking about! And I don't care! Go enjoy your Sunday Football Picks!