For personal use and select distribution only � June 1997
by Pam Hunter

Michaela, followed by Grace and Dorothy, walked briskly across to the livery. A young girl was waiting for her, standing beside an old and raggedy mule which she had obviously ridden into town. She was a strikingly beautiful child who, at first glance, appeared to be only eight or nine. After a closer look it was obvious that she was about thirteen, tiny in stature, with dusky skin, long glossy black hair and startling dark blue eyes. She was dressed in a curious mix of calico and buckskin and her face, arms, legs and bare feet were dirty and scratched. Michaela turned to Katie who was in Grace’s arms and kissed her goodbye. "If you see Sully," she said tersely to Grace and Dorothy, "please tell him I’ve gone to see a patient … I don’t know how long I’ll be."

Grace and Dorothy exchanged glances, both knew that things were not quite right between Michaela and Sully at the moment. It had been like this for weeks but Michaela wouldn’t talk about it. Both Grace and Dorothy knew the basis of the problem and that something had to give, that either Sully or Michaela would have to make an effort to set things right - something neither seemed prepared to do at the moment.

Michaela turned to mount Flash and was taken aback to see Sully in the shadows near Robert E’s forge - Sully rarely came into town these days. He was watching her, surprised to see that she was about to set out somewhere. The young girl had mounted the mule and was obviously anxious to get going. Michaela continued to pull herself up into the saddle and gathered the reins to depart.

"Michaela, where’re ya goin’?" asked Sully before she could leave.

"Mara here says her mother is ill. I’m going out to see to her," replied Michaela, not meeting his gaze. "Grace and Dorothy are looking after Katie."

Sully turned to Mara. "What direction are ya headin?" he asked.

"Up there, through Cody’s Pass," explained Mara, pointing north west toward the mountains.

"You come all this way on that mule Mara? Must’ve taken quite a while," said Sully, a rare smile lighting up his face.

"Yeah, I left last night afore supper. Ma got worse ‘n worse all day yesterday."

Michaela looked at Mara in amazement. Firstly, she hadn’t realised how far the girl and come and secondly she couldn’t believe that a such a small and fragile child could have travelled through the night and was now anxious to travel back again so soon.

"I think I’d better come with you two. That’s wild country up there and its a long trip," stated Sully in a voice which said he was not to be argued with. "Robert E, we’ll need bed-rolls. I’ll go over to Loren’s and get us some supplies."

Michaela watched in silence as Sully strode across to the mercantile. He was right of course. If it was to be an overnight trip they did need supplies she hadn’t thought of, but she still begrudged the fact that he had taken charge. She knew that she shouldn’t feel this way but lately ………….

Sully returned from the store with supplies which he divided between her saddlebags and his pack. He too kissed Katie good-bye, then mounted his horse, shot a reassuring glance at both Mara and Michaela and they headed out of town.

It was a tense journey in more ways than one.

The terrain became more and more difficult the higher they travelled into the heavily wooded country. The air gradually cooled and the only trail was very faint, the dense foliage often preventing the light from reaching the forest floor. More than once Michaela glanced at Mara and wondered why a family would choose to live out here so far from everyone and everything. Along the way they learnt that Mara’s younger brother, Jimmy Patrick, was looking after their mother and that their father was out on a hunting trip and was expected back in the next day or so.

Mara soon began to succumb to exhaustion, finding it difficult to speak coherently and at times swaying drunkenly on the mule’s back. After one incident where she barely managed to cling to the reins before falling Michaela drew Sully’s attention to Mara’s condition. Sully immediately drew them all to a halt and took Mara onto his horse in front of him and handed the mule’s reins to Michaela. The journey continued with Sully having to constantly cajole Mara to keep her awake, she was, after all the only one who knew the location of her family’s cabin.

Occasionally during the difficult ride Sully would look across at Micheala and wonder what had gone wrong. They had experienced problems before, but not like this. He was not a violent man and yet sometimes he just wanted to shake her, make her angry, anything to waken her from this world she had retreated into. He knew that the problem had two sides but unless Michaela would let him in he could not voice his either. He loved her more than life itself but now for the first time he was beginning to wonder whether that was enough.

The sun was very low in the sky when they finally arrived at Mara’a family cabin, if you could call it that. It was a rough shack of hand-cut timber and mud set in a small clearing deep in the woods. As they approached Mara shook herself awake, slid to the ground and rushed into the cabin. Michaela quickly dismounted, unhooked her medical bag and followed Mara inside. The interior of the cabin was as rough as the exterior though it was neat and clean. The entire cabin was no larger than the kitchen area of the Sully homestead, at one end was the livingroom with a stone fireplace, rough hewn table, chairs and shelves. At the other were the sleeping quarters consisting of the bed where Mara’s mother lay and two pallets on the floor for the children. Beside the woman’s bed knelt a small child of about nine. He too had dusky skin, dark hair and blue eyes. Michaela moved swiftly to the woman’s side and immediately understood why the children had their unusual colouring. Their mother was an Indian, tiny like her children and surprisingly beautiful despite her illness. She lay curled on her side, her skin flushed by fever, barely conscious.

Unsure as to the reason for the woman’s fever, Michaela began to question the children. She learned that the woman’s name was Little Sparrow and that she had been ill for more than two days. Sully followed them into the cabin and silently watched his wife in her endeavours to discover the reason for the woman’s illness. She shook the woman gently trying to elicit some sort of response but gained little. The children explained that not long before she had become so ill, Little Sparrow had complained of a sore leg and had been limping. Knowing that she would have to draw back the bedclothes, Michaela turned to Sully standing in the doorway and suggested, "Sully, perhaps you should go outside, I’ll call you if I need you." Sully nodded and turned to leave only to swing back abruptly as Michaela let out a shocked gasp.

When Sully saw the woman uncovered on the bed he realised that there were two possible reasons for Michaela’s reaction, either could have prompted the gasp. The first, and most likely, given Michaela’s present state of mind, was that Little Sparrow was at least six months pregnant; she lay on her side, her arms wrapped around her stomach as though protecting her unborn child. The second was that her left leg was incredibly swollen and bore an ugly ulcerous wound on the lower calf.

Michaela shot a look of anguish at Sully, then shook off her initial unsteadiness and assumed her doctor’s persona, "Sully, I’ll need you to get the fire going. Then I need some water with the chill off it to cool her down and some hotter water to clean the wound. When that’s done I’ll need your knife heated in the coals - this wound will have to be cauterised." Sully quickly did as he was bid and Michaela gently cleaned and cauterised the wound. Sully knew that the infection which was already in Little Sparrow’s body could kill her and that her fever must be brought down. On Michaela’s instructions he prepared some willow bark tea which she attempted to make Little Sparrow take. Then he watched silently from the doorway as Michaela removed the woman’s sweat soaked nightgown and began to bath her body with the cooling water. He marvelled at her gentleness and was moved to see her slowly and longingly rub the cloth over the woman’s swollen stomach, her hands conveying what her heart was feeling. He was glad he could not see her face.

Realising that the light was fading and it was becoming difficult for Michaela to see, Sully entered the cabin and began to light the lamps. As he was putting a match to the last one he was startled by the sound of horse’s hooves and then the thump of footsteps crossing the threshold. He looked up to see the barrel of a rifle pointed at Michaela’s left shoulder. Sully’s hand instinctively went to the tomahawk at his hip.

"What do ya think ya doin’ to my wife, leave her be," demanded a deep voice with a trace of an accent which stirred Sully’s memories of the past. In the doorway stood an enormous man with flaming red hair and a long beard. Michaela turned slowly away from his wife and towards the giant looming over her. "Your wife is very ill sir. Mara came to Colorado Springs to get me. I’m Dr Quinn. Please put down the gun before someone is hurt."

Sully was constantly amazed at Michaela’s courage in a crisis. Whether it was the tone of Michaela’s voice or the realisation that his wife was indeed ill, the man lowered his rifle and brushed passed Michaela to kneel and clasp his wife’s hand.

He turned back to Michaela and asked anxiously; "is it the baby? …. we couldn’t go through that again …… we’ve already lost two."

"No, its not the baby at the moment. Though we won’t know if the infection has effected the baby until later. She’s got a very high fever Mr ….?"

"Oh, sorry…. oh …… its Flanigan, Patrick Flanigan. I can’t believe that Mara went all that way to fetch you. I didn’t even know there was a doctor in the Springs," he said wonderingly, "an’ I sure never expected to see a doctor way out here!"

Michaela tended Little Sparrow well into the night while Sully and Patrick sat in the doorway, watching them, sometimes turning their backs to the room to look out into the night. The children had both fallen into an exhausted sleep not long after night had fallen.

After he realised that Michaela and Sully only had their best interests at heart Patrick began to talk. His and Little Sparrow’s story flowed from him - of his journey from Ireland to the Colorado Territory for the gold rush (that accounted for Sully’s recognition of the accent - he had heard it so many times as a boy on the docks on the east coast), of meeting Little Sparrow and then her tribe’s rejection of him, of the townspeople’s opposition to their marriage, of their decision to be together out here alone rather than apart and of his family’s life and hardships in the wilderness. It had obviously been a long time since Patrick had had people other than his family to talk to and Sully, as always, was a good listener. All the while Michaela cooled Little Sparrow’s body and administered willow bark tea for the pain and fever. As she did so, she half-listened to Patrick’s story, her emotions in turmoil as she absorbed the implications of what he was saying.

When Little Sparrow at last fell into an uneasy sleep Michaela showed Patrick what he should do for his wife and reassured him that she and Sully would be just outside the cabin if needed and that he could call them if there was any change to his wife’s condition.

Outside Michaela discovered that, before going to check on the horses, Sully had built a fire in a clearing about fifty feet from the cabin. He’d laid out the bedrolls side by side near the fire and she sank down onto one of them in relief - it had been a long and harrowing day.

When Sully emerged from the darkness into the flickering firelight it was to see that Michaela was lying curled up facing the fire with her back to the second bedroll. She had not moved her roll away from his, though he wouldn’t have been surprised if she had. He lay down behind her, covered himself with the blanket and tentatively rested his hand on her forearm. She did not respond but she did not shrug it off either. He was desperate to reach for her, to hold her, to break through this wall she had built around herself but he had been rebuffed so many times lately that he held himself still.

Then Michaela spoke quietly into the silence, "Sully…….."

"Hmmm …."

"Could you imagine living out here like this, so alone?"

"Uh huh"

"You could!"

In a hushed tone to match her’s Sully explained, "if that were the only way I could be with the woman I love. They’re not alone Michaela. They’ve got each other. They had no choice when they came out ‘ere. They couldn’t live with the Arapaho … taking a man not of her kind would’nt be right ….. and they sure couldn’t live in town. This must’ve happened ‘bout fifteen years ago!! Can ya imagine how the people of Colorado Springs woulda been if I’d wanted to marry a Cheyenne and then live in town. They can hardly stand my friendship with the Cheyenne and Cloud Dancing now and they’ve had a long time to get used to it. Patrick and Little Sparrow’s choice was to be together and they had to find a way for that to happen."

"But they’ve suffered so much for that choice," she whispered into the fire.

"It aint all sufferin’ Michaela. They’re together. They’ve got two beautiful children. They’re survivors. They know that anythin’ could happen to ‘em way out here but the most important thing to ‘em is to be together."

There was a long silence to the point where Sully wondered if Michaela had fallen asleep but then a tentative hand was placed over Sully’s resting on her arm.

"Sully ……………………. you once told me that if I was Arapaho and you were Cheyenne we wouldn’t be able to get married … you’d have to carry me off in the night …"

"Mmm …"

"Would …… would you still?" she asked hesitantly.

"What d’ya mean?"

"Would you still want to be with me no matter what … I mean I’ve been so …. so ……awful to you lately …"

"No matter what," he stated with conviction. "Michaela … I can wait for you to work things out. When you’re really upset about somethin’ its like Cloud Dancin’ says …….. somethin’ goes out of balance … you go away inside yourself until things are back in balance … I seen ya do it before … like after Washita."

Again there was a long pause. Then Michaela rolled slowly toward Sully, turning her back to the fire to look into his eyes reflecting the firelight. Her eyes were brimming with unshed tears.

"Sully ………………..", she bit her lip, "losing the baby hurt so much……." The tears overflowed and ran down her cheeks. "You not even knowing I was pregnant or being there when ………., not knowing whether it was a boy or a girl ………. we might’ve had a son …….. not knowing whether we’ll ever have another chance. Sometimes its so hard to put on a brave face for everyone ……. when all I wanted to do was run away"

Sully’s eyes too filled with tears. "Ya don’t have to hide anything from me …….. I feel so bad for not bein’ there for you when it happened. Don’t ever feel that ya can’t tell me what ya feelin’. Get angry, whatever, just don’t push me away. I can’t stand that ……. I want ……… I need ….. to share everythin’ with you"

Michaela’s eyes closed and she took a deep breath, "I’m sorry Sully. I love you so much but I felt so alone……"

Sully reached out and with his finger gently wiped away a tear which was silently rolling down her face. He tenderly traced her features - her brow, cheek, mouth, chin - and said quietly through his tears, "no need for you to be sorry ……. its me who should be. Maybe I aint looked at things straight over the past few months. Guess bein’ true to myself aint so easy anymore ……….. bein’ true to us is just as important."

There was a long and tense silence and then Michaela’s release came, deep racking sobs which made Sully’s heart wrench. Michaela rolled toward him wrapping her arms around his shoulders, clinging to him, releasing all the sorrow, hurt and anger which had built up over weeks. Sully cradled her and rocked her in his arms as a parent comforts a child who has been hurt, wanting to absorb the child’s pain; except in this instance they were the parents sharing the mutual pain of losing a child and Sully cried along with her. As Michaela clung to him her hand found its way inside his shirt to rest over his heart as if to reassure herself that it was still her’s. And when the crying finally eased she fell into a deep sleep, her head resting on his chest, her breathing deep and even and Sully, holding her lovingly in his arms, raised his eyes to give thanks to the heavens before he too succumbed to exhaustion.

Little Sparrow’s fever broke mid-morning and she at last drifted off into a healing sleep. After the revelations of their nearly sleepless night both Sully and Michaela found performing even the most menial tasks difficult, particularly Michaela who was so unused to revealing her feelings as she had. Each was conscious of the other and all that had been said and some things which had been left unsaid.

Michaela decided that they should wait a little while before returning to Colorado Springs so that she could check on Little Sparrow’s condition when she woke. Finally, in the early afternoon, satisfied that their patient was on the road to recovery, Michaela and Sully set off for home, but only after Patrick insisted that they accept some animal skins from him in gratitude for their care of his wife and children.

Again the journey was fraught with tension, though this tension was different - an awareness, a need - not a guarded silence.

The sun was setting, painting vivid streaks of red, pink, orange and purple across the cloudless sky as they sat against a log, knees drawn up, side by side, staring at the rippling water of the creek beside which they had decided to spend the night. Except for the tinkling of water as it moved slowly over the rocks in the creek bed the world around them had become silent as it does when time changes from day to night.

Then Sully, who had been lost in thought, spoke quietly and uncertainly, "guess we kinda lost our way for a while huh?"

Michaela looked at him and knew that he was not referring to this particular journey home. "Mmmm," she murmured, unsure as to what to say.

"Maybe when ya share ya love ‘n life with someone the road aint ever gonna be straight …… always gonna be twists ‘n turns along the way……." he mused.

Michaela slipped her hand into his which were clasped loosely between his knees. She said softly, "I suppose so ………….. from now on we’d better try to take those twists and turns together, hmmm …..?"

Sully closed his eyes and lifted her hand, bringing it to his lips, holding it tightly against his mouth and then bearded cheek. "Can ya forgive me Michaela, for not bein’ there for ya ….. when ya needed me most …… ‘n …….. for …… for not thinkin’ straight ……..?"

Michaela leant her head on his shoulder and then answered him, "it wasn’t just you who wasn’t thinking straight ……….. you didn’t know I was pregnant ……… there were things you had to do……. if you can forgive me … I can forgive too …… and I promise I’ll try not to bottle things up so much when the next twist or turn comes along."

Sully turned to look into her eyes, seeking the reassurance he needed to see in them, affirming his understanding of what she had just said. They sat for a long moment in the silence, aware that so much had been sorted out and yet an electricity between them remained, matched by the vivid sky above them.

Michaela, realising that she had to make the first move, sidled across close to Sully, who was still holding her hand tightly. She whispered in a voice which could barely be heard above the rippling of the water, "Sully ……. I think I need some holding now."

Sully heaved a heartfelt sigh, again lifted her hand to his lips and then quickly pulled himself to his feet, bringing Michaela abruptly up against him. He grasped her around the waist lifting her up to stand on the log where they had been leaning, so that their eyes and mouths were level with each other’s. She wrapped her arms around his neck and shoulders and he looked deep into her eyes, the heat between them intensifying. Smiling, he suddenly took her face in his hands and hungrily seized her mouth with his own. The kiss and those that followed were not gentle. This coming together would not have the tenderness of so many times past. This loving was driven by an urgency, a longing, a need which could only be sated by total and intense commitment to the present, no thought of the past or the future - male and female demanding and receiving an electric response from each other. Kiss followed kiss, clothes were discarded quickly and carelessly and desires met and conquered, at least for now.

When their passion finally cooled there was still a desire to remain close, to once again cradle each other in a tender mixture of comfort and loving caress, no need for further talk, their bodies conveying what their hearts were saying. At last each slowly drifted into a dreamless sleep only to awaken to desire once more during the night, to again unite, body and soul, in a timeless communication of love and need for each other.

"Grace …. Dorothy ……. they’re back, bring Katie," called Robert E as he watched Sully and Michaela ride down the street towards the livery. Grace quickly scooped Katie up from the quilt where she had been playing and with Dorothy arrived at Robert E’s side at the same time as Michaela and Sully. The townspeople were uncertain as to what to expect. They watched as the couple dismounted and turned towards them to take Katie into their arms and all three found it difficult to hide their shock.

Michaela and Sully had only been gone for a little over two days and yet looked as if they had been gone for months and undertaken a very long and treacherous journey. Both had dark circles under their eyes and looked as though they needed a warm bath and a week’s sleep. But it was their manner which surprised Dorothy, Grace and Robert E the most. They watched Sully with his arm around Michaela’s waist, his face close to hers, joining her in oohing and aahing over their darling baby daughter; they watched Michaela move close to him, frequently turning to look into his eyes - it was obvious that the recent tension and coldness had dissipated.

As they had two days ago, Grace and Dorothy exchanged glances but this time in heartfelt relief. Whatever Michaela and Sully had been through during the past two days it had brought about a dramatic change. Knowing their friends, they would probably never be told the full story but neither cared about that, they were just glad that the couple they had grown to love and admire was back

As the Sullys took the final leg of their journey back to the homestead each was aware that although it would still take some time to fully recover from the troubles of the past weeks, they had surely travelled a long way since leaving Colorado Springs - was it only two days ago?

……… And in both their minds were images of an unlikely couple in a rough, isolated cabin high up in the mountain wilderness who had unknowingly taught them so much about facing up to life’s twists and turns together…………..

THE END