You cannot love with condition or exception. Love is. It is not something that you own. It is not something you can control. It just is. It is a gift. You may receive it and you may give it. If you are only able to "love" with exception, then you are missing the point. Love cannot be taken. Only given. You cannot take it back. There are different levels of love. You love your dog a little differently than your friend, and your spouse a little (let's hope anyway) differently than either of them. You love them unconditionally, to do it any other way is not love. When you say to yourself, "I will only love my friend if he/she doesn't hurt me", or "I will only love my spouse if he doesn't hit me." you are placing conditions on what you call love. You cannot own love. You can only place conditions on something you own. What you are doing, is loaning your love. You cannot loan what you don't own. Do you stop loving your friend because they hurt you? No. Do you stop loving your spouse because they hit you? No. They might not be your friend or spouse anymore, but you still love them. If you don't then you didn't love them in the first place. You have to be willing to love without ever being loved back. It is possible to go through an entire lifetime without ever being loved. (with the exception of your creator's love as we all have that). You have probably loved someone who didn't return the favor. Did you stop loving them? No. They, I'm sure, still hold a place in your heart. That was unconditional love.
The problem with placing conditions on relationships is the needless strain it puts on them. You can never fully give of yourself if you are constantly on alert (waiting for the second party to do what ever it is) and your partner cannot give of him/herself because they are always on alert ( afraid they might do whatever it is). It is a vain attempt to have control in the relationship when neither should have control over the other.
Why is it then? that we start placing conditions on our love? We are not born that way. When we are born we love everyone unconditionally. It is the only ability we have when we are born. I've pondered this question for a long time. I believe we start to do that the minute we start trying to control our lives. Is it a learned thing or is it part of the human psyche? I can't answer that one. When you place conditions on your love, you are in effect trying to control that person. You are attempting to control the behavior of a spouse to whom you have said, "I will only love you if you don't hit me." Since you cannot really control that person, he may or may not hit you. That is the chance you have to take with love. If he or she really loved you, they would never hit you. If the possibility is there before you marry, then you should not marry. You should not marry someone who doesn't understand how to love unconditionally either, because they don't really love you then. The same goes for friends. Love them unconditionally. If they are your friend they will never hurt you, intentionally anyway. Since we have learned already that we cannot control anything, we now have to let the conditions on our love go. Wow! Freedom! Our souls are lighter already.