Prices

When you’re going around Riobamba in a taxi, it’s never more than $1.00. About $3.00 to Chambo. If the feller asks for more, tell him to go fuck himself. In Spanish if possible. You can’t beat me the other night though. The taxi driver asked where we were from. I interrupted (in my EXTREMELY pissed up state) and said: "My friends are from England, but I’m from Guatemala. In Guatemala, we have nothing. My mother is a prostitute; she has to be to pay for our food.” The taxi driver didn’t know what to say, so he started to nervously laugh. This made me really angry. I started trying to hit him, whilst screaming: “You think its funny motherfucker?!” Poor fella, I always act the twat when I’m bevvied. I wouldn’t recommend doing this to taxi drivers. You must remember though that I was extremely fucked up at the time.

If you smoke, I apologize deeply for the poor Ecuadorian selection. They only have stinking Marlboros here. Or Lark. They’re as bad as they sound. (Belmont aren’t that bad either, just never rip the filter open, the same advice goes with Lark.) Never pay more than $1.10 for 20 cigs. If you are skint, the resident Lambert & Butler over here are called Montana, which are just over ¢50 for 20.

Haircuts cost about $2 to $3, they’d never heard of a No. 2 all over when I went, so take a photo of how you want it.

Shoe boys charge ¢25 to clean your shoes. You can also rent them for $3.00 per hour. They don’t give blow jobs though. I tried and failed.

In Riobamba by the Mercado Merced, you can buy fake CDs (good quality though) for $1 - $1.50 each, 3 for $5.00 in Quito, but outside of Riobamba, always ask the fella in the market to play the last song on the CD first, cos sometimes the CDs stop running half way through. Also, bring anything you really like with you, especially any house or funk. You can only buy stuff like Guns’n’Roses, The Doors, Queen, Gary Fucking Glitter, Kiss and heavy metal over here. Apart from such 90’s pearls as Real McCoy, 2Unlimited, Kriss Kross and the like. You can order any CDs that you want from the markets, but they cost a bit more, and most of the time they won’t bother to get them. Half decent Hispanic bands include Juanes, Carlos Vives, Mana, Bacilos and Chayanne.

In a bar, Pilsener normally costs about $1 or so. You can buy a litre of Zhumir and a bottle of Sprite in clubs for about $6.00 - $8.00. If you want to buy beers to drink at home, don’t go to an offy. Go to the Pilsener factory and buy direct. It’s on the corner of one of the roads behind the Terminal Terrestre. You will have to give a deposit for the bottles (like everywhere else), but this place is a lot cheaper. Obviously you have to buy the bottles in multiples of 12, cos’ they won’t split crates up. This is OK though, cos they’re big bottles. 12 should be enough for 2 or 3 people for a night, if you get some Zhumir as well.

If you’re buying a pair of sunglasses from the market, haggle as much as you can, never buy for more than $7.00 if you can help it.

If you feel like getting a tattoo, the pipas bar next to San Valentin does good quality ones, with fresh needles. I’m going to get Liverpool FC on my arm and the fella reckons that will cost about $20. What a day to get it, we’ve just knocked City out of the FA. Danny Murphy, I could kiss ya. (Update, just had it. They fucking hurt like a bitch, but they’re well worth it.) While we’re on the subject, replica shirts cost $12 from a shop by the Merced. I’ve seen Liverpool, Arsenal, Man U and (surprisingly enough) Chelsea shirts (home and away). OK, they’re obviously as fake as Jordan’s love pillows, but the quality is acceptable, again like Jordan’s Clives.