Food and Drink

OK. I don’t care how pissed you are, DO NOT EAT FOOD FROM THE STREET VENDORS. You WILL get that horrible variation of arse piss – yes, I’m talking of course about the dreaded shits. Alright then, but only when you’re really, really pissed.

I guess you really want to try guinea pig don’t you? Well I’ll be honest. I never had the balls. However, you must try these things. Fritada – fried scraps of pork, usually served with potatoes. Fucking fit mate.

Empanadas – like little deep fried bread pasty things. This is the kind of stuff that Worrall -Thompson wanks over. Don’t get the cheese ones though, they’re sick.

Anything from the street vendors – just checking that you were paying attention.

You’ll find yourself eating a lot of rice and chicken with fried bananas. You get used to it, sort of.

Also, in a lot of bars they serve “salchipapas” which are like chips with salchichas (little sausages) on the top. They go in for chorizo and spicy sausage in a big way. However, this is nearly always sold raw in the butchers and supermarkets. If you are somewhat of a kitchen connoisseur like me, the best way is to fry them with a shit load of oil, and put a lid on the pan for about 5 minutes on a low flame.

They also like to eat cow shit. It’s not normally on the menu, but most restaurants serve it for about $2, 00 or so. Ask for “mierda de vaca”. Obviously it’s not actually cow shit, but it looks a lot like it (hence the name), except its fucking gorgeous, like refried beans with beef and spices.

Don’t bother looking for a doner kebab. I’ve searched the country high and low to no avail. Apparently there is a place in Cuenca that serves a full English breakfast though. (Yeah there is. It’s on the Calle Larga, about 50 metres up from Wunderbar and its mint.)

The best beer here is called Pilsener, which comes in massive bottles. Next is probably Biela and you can also sample Club. You can buy Heineken and Bud in some places, and Beck’s is widely available in Quito. If you are skint, or even if you’re not, drink Zhumir limón. It’s this lemon vodka-ish type of drink that is dirt cheap and gets you fucked. It’s not actually that bad.

You will find that Ecuadorians go in for a lot of fresh fruit juice. My favourite is probably ‘naranjilla’, which is a type of small orange. Little advice though, stay away from the tree tomato (árbol de tomate) juice. It is fucking horrible.

I’ll try and give you a little advice on chocolate and stuff. OK, you have your Oreos and your Choco-Chips. But what else is on menu? Well, I don’t really know. Jet bars are good, as are Maniceros and Galaks (like crunchy Milkybars , and you can get Mars bars, Twix, Milky Way and M and Ms in some shops for $1 each. Ecuadorians aren’t that mad for crisps, apart from Doritos and Ruffles. Sparkies are nice, like little Skittles. Also good is Super-Hyper-Acid chewing gum, alright its obviously fucking sick but you must try it.