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Helping the Shy Girl Explore

So many of my guy friends (mostly the married ones) have asked me what to do to get a very conservative woman to try something � anything � new.

I grew up very conservatively and was rather reserved. As many would say, I am anything but conservative and reserved now. Having gone through this transition myself I do what I can to help. As with anything I say, these are the unscientific facts but should give you some tips or ideas to personalize.

Prove it: Smoke and Mirrors
First, I suggest verifying that your partner is as conservative as you think. Because of societal expectations, she may be holding back. Often times girls/women who grew up conservatively are bashful about desires or experiences that seem to clash with their conservative upbringing. This is even more so true when in the company of �like-minded� conservatives or even someone who seems to celebrate conservatism. Some ladies will choose to lead a double life rather than admit to their lust.

You (guys) must provide an open, unbiased safe haven where she feels comfortable exploring and discussing those desires. One easy � and a lot less personal � way to do this is by renting a movie with subtle, or not so subtle, taboos. If you�re lucky maybe you will even stumble upon an interesting TV series. Be sure that you do not appear to be setting her up for interrogation. More importantly, share your thoughts about the issue and do not just put her on the spot about how she feels. If talks become hostile, abort the conversation but don�t give up forever. It�s a process... take incremental steps - baby steps even.

Focus and Give a Little: Rome wasn�t built in a day
Consider that sometimes the sexual goals you have with a particular partner are unrealistic. Identify and narrow down specific thing(s) you would like to see happen then focus on that/those. If what you want more than anything is what she wants to avoid until she dies, trust that you probably won�t get that. Someone has to compromise or you won't last. Think of alternatives to something you want. Perhaps you might enjoy something else just as much.

Uncover the Real Problem - NOT just hers
If your girl doesn�t feel comfortable with an act, find the root of the problem. Blockades can stem from anything from childhood trauma or previous bad experiences to simple inexperience and naiveness. The deeper the issue, obviously the more time and effort it will take to overcome. Through it all be patient and supportive and know that she is taking steps to make your sex life more satisfying.

Some guys really make me laugh with the �we had a talk and there is just no changing her� line. Trying that one-sided �it�s her problem; not mine� technique really isn�t going to get you anywhere other than in the doghouse where you definitely get no attention much less sex. Similarly, don�t threaten her with ultimatums in order to get sex. That aggressive approach is a VERY VERY bad idea. This often makes a woman feel objectified � not empowered. Not to mention you will probably really piss her off.

Accept and Validate Progress
You should try to put yourself in her postion and think of how you would like to be treated. Though something seems perfectly normal to you, it may be anything but to her. Give her praise for any progress she's made in overcoming her fear or apprehension. Tell her you are proud and APPRECIATE how far she�s come � even if it�s just a few steps. Better yet tell her AND show her. Women need consistency and the trust that you will be there with or without freaky stuff. Women want to feel special and desired and know that you are paying attention. Provide that and you will have a lot less tension.

Recognize Her Needs
Remember that although there may be blockades, there are also doors to a reserve of her own fantasies that you should try to tap into. Don�t just think you should get what you are digging for but consult her about what she wants too. And try to bring out her true sexual hopes and desires. You may find the well is more bountiful than you ever imagined. By the way, if you aren't willing to fulfill her fantasies, it's a good bet she won't want to fulfill yours either.

Avoid the Freaky S#!+
While you are looking at her wondering why she isn�t into what you are, you may consider that you are a freak. Not that anything is necessarily wrong with that but when you are trying to build on something new it's not the best time to bring out your freakiest shit.

If your idea of a good time is tying coke bottles from your balls and having her kick them (really, really, hard), you�re not normal. Rubbing ice on your nipple fine but clamping pins onto them � again, could be fun but not normal. Some things � such as ice, wax, spanking � that were once strictly BDSM territory have become popular and accepted among the masses but golden showers and cauterization are still generally too extreme. It is unlikely a truly conservative � or "normal" � woman will adjust to these.

Last Resort: Proceed with Caution
If you find that nothing is going to change no matter what, you may consider a sexual alternative lifestyle. Swinging and open relationships have become increasingly common. And while I hesitate to include this as a solution I know that it has helped some. Be aware that it has also ruined or put increased strain on others. But again, if all else fails, this could be a cure to your sexual woes. Until you really have tried other options and have a clean understanding with your partner, I don�t suggest bringing others into your web of problems. Make sure you do your homework on sexual alternative.