Better to dwell in the wilderness, Than with a contentious and angry woman. Proverbs 21:19

Week 11

Dear Diary,

Well, let me start by saying that Jessica is awesome! I look at her and hear some of the things that come out of her mouth, and I wonder “Was I that smart t her age?”Yes, there are some things she neds to work through, but I know that she will be okay. I will tell you more about her later.

I have been coming across the verse Romans 8:28 a lot. Sudnay, 3 of the devotianls I received in my email were based on it, and tday it is the promise on my main page.

There is something going on that I am not sure I should speak about. Not because of it’s nature, though it’s not, by the worlds view, good. Iam praying, and asking God what He wants me to do. As soon as I know, I will either share it with you, or not.

I will tell you this… if you have been praying for us, continue to do so, because the enemy really is trying to get me to step off of the narrow path God has chosen for me. But I am standing firm on God’s promise.

I’ll be back later.

Toi

Later,

Okay, I have prayed about this, and listened, so I will tell you what is going on.

On Sunday, Mothers Day, as I was getting ready for church, I realized that we had never gotten the mail from Saturday, so I asked Jacob to go and check the mail. When he handed it to me, there was a letter from a lawyer in it. My heart started pounding, and I opened it. There were two copies of items that have been submitted to probate court. One was a set of Temporary Orders, and Proposed Orders. Both indicate that my husband is seeking full physical custody of my son, and seeking child support from me. My heart stared pounding, and I kept reading the words over and over, sure that I must have misunderstood them. After a few minutes, I put the letter down, and said "I don't care... satan, you have no power here." I made up my mind that I would still not seek legal council, and leave it all with God. He Is Faithful.

I went to church and cried like a baby. One of the songs spoke about standing forever, and the sermon was about "Going Out On A Limb For God" and trusting Him to keep you safe even when you feel like you should be doing something else.

When I came home, I picked the paper up, checked it for the date and time of the court appearance, and tore it up. I called one of my prayer partners, and we prayed for a while. Today, I feel very good. Yes, I am a bit intimidated, but I will continue to pray to God to give me the strength to stand on His promise without falling. I know this is something that the enemy is hoping will cause me to react in the flesh to, and I refuse. God said to trust Him, and I am. My husband called me today to speak to Jacob, and we chatted for a few minutes, and I did not even mention that I received the papers to him. My flesh wanted to say something... a lot, actually, but I kept praying to God to keep my mouth shut, an Praise The Lord, He did. I have no doubt that what I have been led to do it the right thing. My Lord God will Prevail!

I am so sure I am going to receive emails and phone calls from people that are dumbfounded by my choice, and that’s okay. I can understand why people looking at this situation from the worlds view would wonder how I can make the choice so easily. Remember the Scripture the God gave me the other day? Romans 8:28 (my anniversary)

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.

I am called to continue my walk in faith, and just know that God will work all of this out for good. Praise The Lord! My court date is June 9. I have not decided if I will go yet. I am praying, and waiting for an answer.

 Just do me a favor, those of you that know me personally? Don’t say anything to Steven that you know. Please, just allow this to take it’s course, and leave what I have put in God’s hands in God’s hands. Call me if you want, just don’t tell him that you know, or what you think about it, unless he tells you himself. This is not Steven working, and I know that. I still love him, am not mad at him, and would allow him home right this second if God saw fit to touch his heart that way today. Thanks!

 Okay, pick your jaw up off of the floor, and I’ll talk to you later.

 Toi

Wednesday, May 14, 2003

Dear Dairy,

 I just wanted to share something with everyone, that once again, shows all of God grace and faithfulness! Again, coincidences do not exist... it's all God!

When I first started attending my current church, I went up to the front of the church every time Pastor asked if anyone needed special prayer. The second or third time up there, there was a new lady praying, and she asked what I needed prayer for. I told her, and she prayed, and told me after that she stands in agreement with me. Now, every time there is something said that I feel is from God to me, she usually looks back at me and says "Did you hear that?" She and I have spoken a few more times... then last Tuesday she came to our Tuesday night prayer meeting. She is a regular, but as she is a tax consultant, was very busy the past few weeks. Again, she prayed in agreement with me. This past Sunday, when I had gotten the letter from my husbands lawyer, she was the one that I called and prayed with. We began having longer conversations, and found out that we know a lot of the same people.

Today, she called me after having visited my website, to tell me how very similar her life was to mine, and how many of the circumstances in my situation reminded her of her own. At one point, she began to sing... and for some reason, her voice struck a cord for me. I remembered that she knew the Reverend that married Steven and I. I asked her if she ever sang for weddings at the little church in Freetown, where I was married. She said she had done a couple. I asked her to sing again. She did. I ran and got my wedding video, popped it in... said a prayer that I would not cry, and began fast forwarding the video. The first time I stopped it was during the reading of the Bible... "For this reason a man will leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." (The video is always on my husband and myself, not anything else taking place in the church, so I can't tell what's going on by watching it.) My eyes welled up a tiny bit, but I fast forwarded some more. I got to the place where this mysterious woman was singing at my wedding. As the woman we could hear in the video sang, Lois sang. THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We did not have anyone to sing at our wedding, so the reverends wife said she knew someone that would do it for us... can you imagine! This woman that has been my prayer partner, and helped me learn the word of God, was present at my wedding and we did not even know it! I dug out my photo album, and sure enough, found pictures of her! Praise The Lord! Can you stand it? I love Our Lord! I love Jesus, I love The Comforter!

Romans 8:28 And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

Lois' voice has always stood out to me all these years, because it is very unique! I have never forgotten this woman, though I never met her then. But every single time I talked about my wedding, she was mentioned! And look at how the Lord turned it around! I remembered her voice so that I could recognize when God brought us back into one another's life. Our God Is An Awesome God!  Can I have an AMEN? Amen!

Lois has a special friend, named John… and I would ask that my prayers friends pray for him. I won’t get into details, but I will tell you that he needs to be lifted up in prayer. God knows his needs, and Praise The Lord, is listening to us all. May You also be blessed!

Standing In Faith - Toi 

Friday, May 16, 2003

Dear Diary,

Hey everyone, I am still here… just have a lot going on right now. Keep prising the Lord and basking in His warmth!

Week 10Week 12

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