...So stand fast in the Lord, my dearly beloved. Philippians 4:1

Send Me An Angel

You knit me together, in the womb of my mother

Knowing by Your grace, I wouldn’t be like any other.

You knew back then the trials I would face

You already had my path marked down, how I would run this race.

As an infant, I was an addict, from birth addicted to drugs

I never knew my mother, have never felt her hugs.

And then I was abused, in every way a child can be

But somehow I knew within my heart, that You were there for me.

I picked up my first Bible when I was 9 years old,

Though I couldn't understand all of the wonderful truths it told.

I read the words over and over, just trying to comprehend,

Someplace in there You would tell me how to make this end.

I knew You said I had to pray, so I got down on my knees.

Send an angel to protect me Lord, send an angle, please.

When I was a teenager, I didn't know what to do.

I'm not sure I took the time to even think of You.

Many whom I loved were gone, taken from this earth,

And once again I was addicted, as I was at birth.

I did so many terrible things, and lived my life in fear,

But still there was that little voice that whispered in my ear.

Then suddenly I just stopped, got up and said I'm through,

But I always gave myself the credit, and not a bit to You.

Still I knew You said I had to pray, so I got down on my knees.

Send an angel to protect me Lord, send an angle, please.

I tried to turn my life around, and make a brand new start.

You sent someone to help me, a man who stole my heart.

By now I read Your word each and every day,

And still I didn't understand much it had to say.

You blessed our life with Jacob, a gift from You I know,

I prayed that You would help me, help this child to grow.

And Now we were a family... something I'd never had,

I was someone's mother, and Steven was his dad.

My husband joined the Navy, and to the Gulf he went.

I turned to You for comfort, and also to repent.

You word kept reminding me of the sins that I had done,

And I asked for Your forgiveness, in the name of Your son.

I knew You said I had to pray, so I got down on my knees.

Send an angel to protect me Lord, send an angle, please.

You gave me everything I asked for, and still I gave You naught,

Unless I was saying my bedtime prayer, I hardly gave You a thought.

I was so in love with my life, was sure it was because of me,

I was so blinded with self-righteousness, the enemy I did not see.

My husband came to me one day, and said that he wanted to go,

I fell to my knees and begged You, Lord, to let Your mercy show.

Suddenly he changed his mind, and professed his love for me,

I absent-mindedly thanked You, and went back to who I used to be.

A year and a half later, he wanted to leave once more...

All I had to do was pray, of that I knew I was sure.

So I prayed again with all my soul... my tears fell like the rain.

I knew I could pray through this, and You would end this pain.

To the side of my bed I ran, and got down on my knees.

Send an angel to protect me Lord, send an angle, please.

He came home to us again, on the very next day.

Not a single Praise The Lord did I ever think to say.

Sure I prayed at night, but always in a rush,

I never thought we were missing something, never felt the crush.

He told me that he loved me; I was the love of his life,

He told me that no matter what, I would always be his wife.

But only two months later he did it to me again,

He said he couldn't do it, he just couldn't pretend.

Now I was broken, Lord, totally and complete,

There was another woman, and I just couldn't compete.

I walked around for days, living in despair.

Let me die right now my Lord, was my only prayer.

I knew what I had to do, got on my knees to pray,

Send me an angel Lord, to carry me away.

No one will care if I die today, who is there that should...

And again You whispered in my ear "My child, you know I would."

I gave myself to You that day, and surrendered up my will,

And I heard You when you spoke to me, and told me to be still.

When I opened up my Bible, it suddenly became so clear,

Finally I could understand, finally I could hear!

I knew that You were with me, You'd never been that far,

You were collecting all of my tears in a little tiny jar.

My tears broke your heart, and You could feel my pain,

And You were crying with me, in tears that were the rain,

You told me unequivocally, that faith was a must,

You told me it would all work out, if only I would trust.

I knew You said I had to pray, so I got down on my knees.

Send an angel to protect me Lord, send an angle, please.

You put people in my path that would lift me up in prayer,

You've shown me through my Pastor, how much You really care.

You've given me Your promises, and put forgiveness in my heart,

You told me to wait on You Lord, and my Red Sea would part.

Thank You Lord, for breaking me, and bringing me to this place,

Thank you Lord, for Your patience, and for Your loving grace.

I finally found that seed of faith and I refuse to let it go,

My mountain will be moved one day, and others faith will grow.

Now I see You clearly Lord, in every single way.

And I thank You Lord for saving me, every single day.

So Jesus, I give my life to You, lay my problems at Your feet,

I know that one day, my love, Steven, all of you will meet.

I’ll never forget to pray, weather I sit, stand, or am on my knees.

Thank You Lord, for all the angels here, and that it’s You they wish to please.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

(Written To Glorify God and give Him honor for all He has done for me!)

How Do You

How do you fix a broken heart, when the mere effort is too much?

How do you even attempt it, when the fragments are sharp to the touch?

How do you make the pain go away, when it consumes your very life?

How do you even pretend to try, saddled down with all the strife?

How do you acknowledge it's broken, when it really shouldn't be?

How do you lay the blame on him, when tomorrow may never be?

How do you watch your passion slip away, and not break down and cry?

How do you remember his touch, and not want to simply die?

How do you walk through your day, faking that pretty smile?

How do you say, "I'm all right" when your heart bleeds all the while?

How do you forget how he made you feel, and pretend it wasn't that good?

How do you focus on the others you love, or at least the ones you should?

How do you find another that will make you feel that way?

How do you make it through the week, or even just today?

How do you believe the things he told you, how special you really are?

How do you stand upright, when your heart carries the scar?

How do you muddle through all the if's, and confront that wretched maybe?

How do you stop the tears, when your heart cries like a baby?

How do you forget your yesterdays, and move on into tomorrow?

How do you make your heart love again, when it's filled with all that sorrow?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

(You've got one chance to guess when I wrote this one.)

After I'm Gone

After I'm will anyone remember,

My soul being sweet, my heart being tender?

The hands that I've held, the lips that I've kissed?

The things that I've done and those that I've missed?

After I'm gone, will anyone regret,

The things that they've said, or haven't said yet?

The times that I left, when I wanted to stay,

The hours that I worked, when I wanted to play?

After I'm gone, will anyone mourn,

For the memories inside of me, yet to be born?

For the days in the sun and nights in the rain,

For the laughter and love, heartache and pain?

After I'm gone, will anyone grieve,

For the love that I wanted, but never received?

For the times, when for them I put myself in a bind,

For the answers to the questions I never did find?

After I'm gone, will it be hard,

To read my poem or birthday card?

To go to the places they saw me smile,

To know that I loved them all the while?

After I'm gone, will they look to they sky

And speak my name with a tear in their eye?

Will anyone remember my face and my hair,

And most important to me,

Will anyone care?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

(Written after a year in school when many of my friends died.)

Porcelain Heart

This porcelain heart that I carry inside

Knows of my laughter, and the tears that I've cried.

It knows of the me that lived long ago,

And the spirit that's buried, never to show.

This porcelain heart, that I hold so dear,

Knows of my dreams, and my greatest fear.

It knows of my pain, weakness and strength,

It knows of the battles I've fought in at length.

This porcelain heart, sometimes my best friend,

Knows of my start, and one day, my end.

It knows the real me, and the one I show you.

Of the anger I've felt, and the peace I am due.

This porcelain heart sometimes feels out of reach,

But once I do hold it, I will learn, it will teach.

It knows, and it shows me the bad and the good,

In hopes that one-day I will do all, as I should.

Until then I know, though it constantly breaks,

It will always be mine, as will my mistakes.

There's not much that I have that no one can steal,

But forever mine, is the way that I feel.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

(Written sometime after I moved to New York)

Why Can't I Find You?

My life's all mixed up, as time drags on by.

My spirit is lonely, as my soul turns to cry.

I see places we went, and things that we'd do,

And I ask Jesus above, why can't I find you?

I sit here alone, thinking of thoughts that we shared;

I look around me, who really cared?

I didn't know it then, but I cared for you,

And praying to God is all I can do.

I ask him to tell you that it's you that I love.

When laughter comes to pain, and push comes to shove.

I feel bad now, because I wasn't there,

And maybe you thought that I didn't care.

But care is one thing that I really do,

As I ask Jesus above, why can't I find you?

But I tell you, one day we'll be together once more,

And I'll prove that I loved you that I assure.

But while I'm still here, in a world of my own,

I ask myself, when is she coming home?

My problems increase, my sadness does too,

Oh, Dawn, my lost soul, why can't I find you?

  *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

(I wrote this one when I was 15, the day after my best friend was killed in a car accident.)

Within The Heart In Me

The strength to carry on is buried deep inside of me.

And now you've gone away, taking the only key.

My spirit floats aimlessly, through time and then through space,

My heart remembers no one, except your smiling face.

My pillow holds the tears I've cried, though wasted they may be.

My eyes no longer hold a shine, because 'again' will never be.

Babe, you made me happy, turned the dark to light,

You calmed all the noises that once when bump at night.

Now you've passed away, made friends with The Lord,

Instead of me by your side, will be His mighty sword.

The only salvation I have left is your sweet memory,

Which will forever be alive, Within The Heart In Me.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

(This was written after my boyfriend died in a motorcycle accident.)

Thank You Mother

Though you were not the first person to hold me and soothe my cries, you have held my hand many times and wiped away a million tears.

Though you were not the one that kissed away my boo boo's, you have in many ways, eased my pain.

Though it wasn't you that changed my diapers, you have helped me muddle through some very big messes.

Though you did not spoon feed me as a baby, you have nourished my soul.

Though you did not wipe my dirty little cheeks, you have on numerous occasions, helped me clean the mud off my face.

Though you did not tickle my chin in an attempt to make me smile, you have brought laughter to my life in so many ways.

Though you weren't there when I took my first step, you have celebrated my triumphs as though they were your own.

Though you weren't there for that terrible tricycle accident, you have helped me up when I was down.

Though you weren't the one that first told me I was pretty, you have made me feel more than beautiful.

Though it wasn't you that wiped my nose when I was sick, you have helped me when my heart was hurting.

Though it wasn't you I ran to when I was scared, you have helped me through my fears.

Though you did not give me advice at the dinner table, you have blessed me with your knowledge.

Though you weren't the one that tucked me in at night, you have embraced me with your warmth.

Though it wasn't you that I first said "Thank You" to, I say it to you now, from the bottom of my heart!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

(This was written for my mother -in-law, and read at her memorial service.)

A Friend

A friend is a friend is a friend,

At least that what I hear,

But to be a friend of mine,

You must be very dear.

That why my friend, I write these words,

I wanted to tell you though you may have heard,

You are my friend, that's a special thing,

You make me laugh, you make me sing.

Every time I'm with you you make me smile,

I wont forget you friend, not for a long long while.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

(Written when I was 12 for a lady that lived at the nursing home where my grandmother worked.)

Drifting

Two lost souls drifting, 

He taking life day by day.

She looking for things never to be discovered.

He entered her life,  

She pushed him away.

He wasn't what she wanted.

He stayed away.

For a while.

Until it was time to return.

When he did, she took him in.

He stayed with her,

Made her whole,

He gave her something to believe in,

He showed her her worth,

He abilities, her self.

He gave her all she could take,

And took all she had to offer.

He made her strong.

          Yet safely vulnerable.

And when she knew the world was in her hands,

He drifted again.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*      

(This was written after one of my high school boyfriends broke up with me.)

Entering Heaven

Frank Scobee was the Challenger's chief,

Rick June and Cathy are now left in grief.

46 years young, and now he's gone,

Yet the world sits in awe, singing his song.

Michael Smith was Beaufort man,

The Challengers pilot, second in command.

He had 3 children, and a wife named Jane,

And after his death, their lives will never be the same.

Judith Resnick, second woman in space,

Playing the piano brought a smile to her face,

Because of her death, friends and family now mourn.

In light of their lose, new memories are borne.

Ronald McNair was a Libra by sign,

And people knew him to be a man very kind.

Cheryl now weeps for the heavens above,

Praying his children will remember his love.

Ellison Onizuka, born of Hawaiian light

Carried eyes full of sparkle, a smile always bright.

He was married to Lorna, the father of 2.

Why he left so soon, they haven't a clue.

Gregory Jarvis and Marcia his wife,

Looked forward to a long a prosperous life.

But the future was ill fated, as the shuttle ascended,

And all dreams of happiness were abruptly ended.

Christa McCaulliff, teacher in space,

Brought a hint of laughter to everyone's face.

She wanted to take nine souls on her trip,

But she took a piece of all of us, as reality we grip.

These seven people are now gone from out lives,

In memory of their sacrifice, a nation now cries.

We all watched in awe, and then in pure fright,

As the shuttle Challenger, made its last flight.

We saw the smoke and shattered metal fall,

As we all at once heard glory's call.

But that's not all we saw at 39 past eleven.

Together we witnessed seven souls entering heaven.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

(This was written one day after the Shuttle Challenger blew up.)

I Love You  

I love you, you'll never know how much.

Because of you’re caring and loving touch.

Your eyes entrance me, along with your hair.

My only problem now is to say that I care.

My heart goes a flutter when you say my name.

And after loving you, my heart will never be the same.

I see you walk by when you try to tease me,

Just say I love you, and that will please me.

Day and night I know just how much I care.

And holding it inside is so very hard to bear.

You mean so much to me, a love I want to keep.

f only I could tell you, then finally I could sleep.

I'll carry these feelings with me until the day I die.

And then I'll finally speak them, if only in a sigh.

I'll speak to you my heart, and my feelings that are true.

I'll tell you with my dieing breath, of the love I had for you.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*     

(This was written for a boy I liked in high school... hee hee.)

It Took Time  

It took time, but it's gotten though now,

I knew life went on, but I never knew how.

I wanted you to notice me and the silly things I did.

But those days are gone forever, and I was just a kid.

I listened to my heart, and never to my friends.

I only wanted to know when the pain was going to end.

But sometimes a friend knows more than human love,

Sometimes a friend is told by the Lord above.

Hurt pain and tears were all that I knew.

And all I wanted from life was love from you.

But my friends brought me through it, they made me strong.

They made me realize that love isn't to long.

It took me while to find that you didn't care.

It took me a while to find a glace want a stare.

It took me a while to learn all these things,

But with that wisdom came a heart that sings.

Yes, now I know that theirs is more to life,

Then merely being a special mans wife,

So I'm going to do what I must, and be who I am.

And someday make someone a special ladies man.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

(This was written for that same boy in high school, when I finally figured out that he didn't like me.)

In Your Arms

I've sat for days now, with you on my mind,

Searching for words that are so hard to find.

The feelings inside of me, they're beyond my reach.

They are before me, then gone, like the waves on a beach.

It's not love, though I feel it, nor is it contempt.

This emotional mystery I could never invent.

It doesn't call for weeping, for not a tear have I shed.

When thinking of you, what you've done and you've said.

I can't say its happiness, for my heart doesn't leap.

I know it's not anger, nor hatred I keep.

A yearning is the only explanation I see.

I yearn for your presence when you're not with me.

I wonder where you are, what you're doing with who,

Are you thinking of me, do you yearn for me too?

Then in your arms, I'm bewildered with joy,

I see the light in your eyes, and your smile so coy.

I feel the warmth of your touch, the passion you hold.

In your arms I live dreams forever untold.

Without you I'm lost, I need you so bad,

In your arms I posses all treasures yet had.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

(This was written for my husband shortly after we started dating.)

Living Is Loving      

Living Is Loving the world around you,

Living is loving the things that astound you.

Living is loving the ones who care for you,

Living is loving the ones who dare for you.

Living is loving the work that you do,

Living is loving the soul within you.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

(LOL... I think this was an English assignment.)

Love Is

Love is caring,

Love is sharing

Loving is loving you.

Loving is playing

Love is saying

Love is loving you.

Loving is wanting,

Love is taunting,

Love is loving you

And I do love you.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

(I wrote this to go inside a Precious Moments Card that was blank.)

Me Amore'

You told me you were leaving, and then you told me why.

I didn't know what to do, I only knew to cry.

I found it hard to believe; my heart chose to reject it.

The only way through the hurt was to painfully accept it.

You seem so cool about it, like you really didn't care.

The pain that tore me up inside was just too much to bear.

My tears fell like rain, not stopping for the sun.

My mind went through the memories, to find what I had done.

Then I talked to you briefly, pretending to be brave.

When the feeling of you holding me was all I truly craved.

The days went by with no happy end in sight.

My pain increased immensely with the darkness of the night.

I asked you to stop by and give me a chance to speak.

I'd prove to you that I was strong, you'd never see me weak.

You called to you'd be here, in no longer than a few.

So I waited by the window, anxious for the sight of you.

We talked like nothing happened, went about it very slow.

Then we went out for a ride, when you let your feelings show.

You said you actually missed me, didn't want this anymore.

You made me scream for joy my love, and truly Me Amore'.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

(This was written after my boyfriend broke up with me. He is now my husband.)

Never Again

Never again will I fall in love as I did with you,

Never again will I feel the joy of a heart so fresh and true.

Never again will I feel so safe as I did when in your arms,

Never again will I fall so hard for your irresistible charms.

Never again will I give myself with nothing in return,

Never again will I fall in love, a lesson hard to learn.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

(For my husband, point blank, period.)

Thoughts

Thoughts that mingle in my head,

Thoughts and words I should have said.

Thoughts that search for a way out,

Thoughts that scream, thoughts that shout.

Thoughts that laugh, thoughts that cry.

Thought that wonder why even try?

Thoughts so silly, thoughts so true.

Thoughts of me, thoughts of you.

Thoughts of present, thoughts of past.

Thoughts of future, will it last?

Thoughts to say, thoughts to write,

Thoughts that reach a higher height.

Thoughts that lived, thoughts that died.

Thoughts so useless, they run and hide.

Thoughts once known, thoughts yet made,

Thoughts so loyal, they've always stayed.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

(I don’t remember when, and I don’t remember why. That thought escapes me... lol)

Where Is The Sun?

I walk down the long never-ending path of life.

I hurt inside.

Where is the sun?

I'm alone and sad with no one to turn to.

Where is the sun?

The trees are my enemies, the ground is my leader.

I follow it wherever it goes.

Is life really worth living?

Where is the sun?

I look behind me, my shadow too tired to go on.

I've walked forever.

I look ahead of me,

I'll walk forever more.

Where is the sun to brighten up my path?

The angels call,

The sun comes out from hiding.

The shadow behind me now marches tall.

The trees are my friends, the ground is my follower,

An angel name You floats ahead,

Lighting up the path to come.

Here is the sun.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

(Written some time after my best friend Dawn passed away, when I started feeling better.)

Please sign my guestbook and let me know you were here! Thank You!

Use the button below to make a donation to assist in keeping this site up and running.

Home DonationsEmail Me Marriage Restoration Pictures My Journal My Poetry Helpful Links My Prayers Letters From StevenLetters To Steven My WebRings Awards I've Received My Award What’s New Suggested Reading Subscribe To NewsletterNo Weapon Forged Against Us Free Web Sets QuotesMy Testimony Devotionals Prayer Requests

Since March 12, 2003