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| Okay, so
here we are, 5 weeks later, the day before our son Jacobs
9th birthday party. As I prepared to go to bed I went
into my husbands game room and said goodnight, like we
ALWAYS did. We kissed, and I said I love you. He said,
"I love you too." I looked at him and said,
"Are you sure?" (This was something I said
often since his first attempt at departing, just because
I wanted/needed reassurance. He always responded
positively, like it was a pleasure to confirm his love
for me.) He responded with "Of course I'm sure, I'm
still here, aren't I?" He smiled, and I went to bed.
When I woke up in the morning I noticed that he had not slept in the bed. I went into his game room, and there he was on the sofa. I asked why he slept out there. He said he'd fallen asleep watching television. I plopped myself down next to him, and said "Okay, what's up?" I could tell something was bothering him. I did NOT expect what he said. "I cant do it? I cant pretend to love you anymore. I don't think I ever loved you." (Trying to hold back tears again... bare with me.)
This time I sort of got mad. I was thinking, "We have got to stop doing this!" He said something about divorce, but I had so many things running through my mind that I could not tell you exactly what it was. I just got up and took a shower, and left the house. I had to pick up my sons birthday cake. When I got home, about 45 minutes later, I flew through the house, ripping things off the wall that either he had given to me, or that represented us as a couple. I threw them on his sofa. He just watched me. Then he said he was going to his fathers’ house for a while. I just shut the door and walked away.
That was the last time he was home. And the last chance I've had to speak to him as his wife.
He showed up at Jacob's birthday party, but was very distant to everyone. He walked by me twice, as if I were a total stranger. That absolutely broke my heart. Jacob, in the meantime was oblivious to all of this. He was excited about his birthday party. I had a very hard time not crying in front of everyone, so about 1 hour into the party, I told my son that I had a very bad headache, and that his Aunt Nenda would bring him home. (Nenda is short for Brenda). He said okay, and ran off to play more games
I came home and cried a good long, nose-stuffing cry. I wailed and screamed and cried some more. I felt like I had it all out of my system when Jacob came home. I felt okay. I knew we would work things out, and he would be home again. I called his dads house that night, where he was supposed to be. His dad said Steven had called and said he was going to be driving around for a bit, so don't wait up for him, that he would let himself in. I called again in the morning, and my father in law said he never came home that night. Now I began to worry. It was not like Steven to just up and disappear like that. I began calling all of his family, my family and our friends looking for him. He did not go to work that day. He's in the Navy, so this is not an easy thing to weasel out of. He also was supposed to stands duty that day, but never showed up. I spoke to his Commanding Officer, who had called here looking for him. I told him what happened. He said that he hoped Steven was just out clearing his head, and would return tomorrow. If he did, the missed day could be a very small incident on his impeccable record. If not, well... there would be problems.
By 8pm that night, we still had not heard from Steven. I had even tried to call Jen, in case he had gotten in touch with her. She said no, but if she heard anything, she would get in touch with me immediately. Finally, I went to the police department, and filed a missing persons report. I was so distraught, I didn't know what else to do. This was so out of character for Steven. All of his family was concerned. I did what I thought I had to do. When I came home from the police station, I called his Commanding Officer to let him know what I had done, and then I left a message at Jens house, telling her in case she heard from him, to let him know there was a missing persons report filed on him, and that his Commanding Officer was looking for him because he had missed duty that day.
Well, lo and behold, not an hour later Steven called his father. He knew all about the missing persons report, which his dad did not know about, and about his Commanding Officer. When his dad called me and told me that, I was once again, dumbfounded. I have to admit, I lost my temper. I went flying through the house to find Jens number, and I was not a very Christian woman when I called. I got her answering machine again. I screamed into the phone "SOMEONE BETTER PICK UP THIS PHONE! I KNOW YOUR THERE! DON'T TEST ME STEVEN! YOU KNOW ME! I WILL FIND HER AND THEN THIS WILL GET UGLY!" I mouthed off a slew of un-Christian words and names, and hung up the phone. I was shaking like a leaf in a windstorm.
And though it was already 10pm at night, my day was just beginning
Please sign my guestbook and let me know you were here! Thank You!
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