THE END TIMES
VOLUME II || ISSUE 1 || OCTOBER 17, 2004
Michael Moore, Star Wars Director!
Saddam Hussein Stole JBU Speed Bumps!
North Hall Staging Global Domination!
University Espionage Uncovered!
North Hall Staging Global Domination!
As JBU marvels at its newest attempt at solving the over-capacity housing dilemma, work goes on in the secret sub-basement of North Hall. Word has recently leaked out that preparations are being made for an attempt to overthrow major world governments, leading to the eventual establishment of the Apocalypse-prophesied one-world government, scheduled for Thanksgiving Weekend.
Upon attempts at an interview, spokesman for the coconspiring retail giant Wal-Mart Jeff Reeves had no comment for reporters. Funding for the preparations is still a mystery. The most likely method of raising funds was diverting money from the North Hall Building Fund; and by not building the second half of the hall, the conspirators were able to receive money without raising suspicion from honest eyes. "I had no idea anything like this was happening", commented Biblical Studies Professor Dr. Jim Blankenship.
On the condition of anonymity, one of the conspirators agreed to an interview, during which he revealed the plan for attack. "The next step", he said, "will be to include Starbucks in the conspiracy. I'm just glad we had a place like JBU. Go Eagles!"
Rumored conspirators also include Bat Boy and Satan. Rev. Frank Selton had this to say on the subject, "I think JBU is a great place to send your sons and daughters to college. I'm just glad we had a place like JBU. Go Eagles!"
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