THE END TIMES
VOLUME I || ISSUE 1 || APRIL 27, 2004
Ghost of John Brown, SR. Spotted on Campus!
Cafeteria Serves Human Remains!
Bat-Boy, Satan Endorse Bush-Cheney Campaign!
Apostle Paul to Speak in Chapel!
Ghost of John Brown, SR. Spotted on Campus!
Rumbling sounds have been heard at the grave of university founder John Brown, Sr. ever since
plans went underway to modify the Lifestyle Contract. He has even been spotted several times on
campus.
Sophomore Laura Flemming reported the first JB1 sighting. Her story: �I had just come from my Biology class to the caf. Chicken pot pie was on the menu for that day. I figured it would be just like any other caf meal I�ve eaten, but boy was I wrong. I picked up my fork and was about to scoop some pot pie into it when I noticed the pie was looking back at me. And it seemed to have a familiar face, but I just could not place where I had seen it before. Then my half-semester in Foundations of Christian Scholarship paid off. A face out of JBU history appeared in my chicken pot pie�John Brown, Sr.�s face.�
Night watchman Chris Engle�s story is a little different. �I was making my rounds on campus last Saturday. It was around 2:00 a.m., and I happened to be driving the campus safety car by the intramural fields. Then I noticed what looked like an old man walking up the Hundred Steps towards Mayfield. I parked the car and proceeded to follow him, but when I reached the foot of the Hundred Steps he was gone. I ran up the stairs, and when I got to the top I found a slightly translucent man waiting for me. I asked him to identify himself, to which he said, �I made this place.� I then asked him his business on campus, and he said to me, �Just bringing back memories.� And then he vanished into thin air. It hit me who I had been talking to about an hour later.�
The latest report of a JB1 sighting comes from Senior Joshua Thurough. His story: �I was running late to class Monday morning, and so I was running across the quad. I glanced upward at the clock tower to see how late I would be, and what I saw stopped me in my tracks. Before my very eyes, the face of the clock changed. I found myself staring at a human face with clock hands coming out of its nose. I asked it who it was, and it replied, �I am he that made the ground upon which you stand.� �God?,� I asked, to which he said, �Not quite. I am John Brown, Sr. I am here to stop the dangerous changes going on in this campus. The Lifestyle Contract should never be changed. Dancing will always be wrong. Dancing is sex.� I then informed him that I could do nothing to help him and directed him to Student Development and headed off to class.�
What effects will these sightings have on the Lifestyle Contract? Keep your eye out for John Brown.
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