TTT1

Hello! Welcome to "Troy's Tremendous Travels" It's 5:38am on Tuesday the 24th of July and I'm at the airport. Now my flight is at 9:35am, they say to be there 2 hours before, so I thought that 4 would be better. This airport is cool, I can't actually check in yet as my mutant airline counter isnt open yet, so I'm just milling pretending I know what the hell I'm doing. The funny thing is (strange not haha) I'm not that nervous, maybe once I'm on the giant metal bird. I'll check back once something exciting happens.

OK, I'm back, it's now 5:56am, and I'm already cracking myself up, I was queueing at the wrong counter, I was at K now I'm at G, G for "Good one idiot", P.S. They're still not open. I'm gonna go see if my carry on fits in the doover thingo rack. Yeah it does.

OK I'm back, I've checked in, I'm hoping I'm not sitting near the whinging old people that were in front of me. Imagine 17 hours on a plane with that. Just shoot me now. I also found out that I'll be stopping in Honolulu, that's in Hawaii, so in Hawaii, stop saying Hawaii! I get an hour or so and then onto Vancouver. P.S. How much does the exchange rate lick the bag, US = 48cents, 48 fuckin cents per dollar, Jesus H Tap Dancin Christ. Anyway, Canada's was 73cents, not bad. I'm about to go through Customs now, it's 7:30am, my plane leaves in 2hrs Yay!! I hope I get my stuff through. Gotta pick up my new camera and play with it too, back soon.

Yay, it's 8:15am and I'm through customs, man that glove hurts. So I'm just sitting at gate 57 playing with my camera and waiting for them to say "Hey Troy, come on in." Unless something funny happens, I'll see you on the plane.

Well, I'm on the plane, seriuosly, it's an old peoples convention, Wow! The person next to me is soooo friendly. Wow, she talks!! OK, it's now 9:28am, we should be taking off soon. I've already finished the inflight magazine "en Route" Hell I even read the French bits. Did you know that "Miss Congeniality" is called "Miss Personnalite" in France!! Well it is. P.S. I'm bored. Do you ever think the French just don't try? eg. "Josie and the Pussycats" is "Josie et les Pussycats" WELL DER!! How did a car get up here? Oh, we haven't taken off yet. One of my air hostesses looks like Bea Arthur, too funny. The doors are closed, Captain George Harvey, lets go George!

9hrs and 44mins to Honolulu, Yay! Ooh, he's doing the message in French now. We're Rollin' rollin' rollin rollin' Shhh, safety thing! I don't understand French!!!! Oh, it's in English too. Hey, they didn't do the exit door hand thing. They're just milling, no mask demo, no life jacket demo, Hey, one of my flight dudes looks like Bernard King. Cool, Beranrd and Bea!

I think we're about to take off. Tap the tattoo, hand up, we're off the ground. Can I get a Yay!! Adios Sydney. Next stop Hawaii. I'll be back throughout our 9hr and 44min journey with updates, ROCK ON!! Just one more thing, the lady next to me is asleep and just snored! ha ha! It's now 1:55pm in Honolulu cool, so at 9:55am here on the 24th of July, it's 1:55pm yesterday in Hawaii. Past 10,000ft now, cool. This guy talks too much. Cool, the movies are "Sweet November" and "Parenthood" again, just shoot me now. OK, he's done, c ya soon.

Here I am! It's now 11:15am, we just got snacks! Honey roasted sesame sticks and Pretzles! Yummy! and I also had a Coke Classic, an American drink. It kinda tasted flat. I also noticed on the cart they had Caffeeine free Sprite, ha ha. Shh, Sweet November is on. OK seriously, I think the retirement village are on an excursion to Canada. They're all over the place, clogging the isles, I think they're planning a Bingo game. I'm gonna ask if I can play. They're out of control, oh good now one of them is blocking the movie. P.S. Bingo is at 4:00! You sunk my battleship. OK, I've had one can of drink and 2 bags of snacks and they bring me a slightly warm towel?! Why does Keanu have a shitty accent? Oh, it's the captain! I'm watching the movie! Shut up!! Now I don't know what happened! P.S. Lady next to me, one across is Bassoon! Geez! Deep wind instrument, could that Bassoon have come in any more late?! Seriously, I can see this flight and day taking up about 30 pages.

I'm in hysterics, some old mate 4 rows in front of me is reading the papaer, one of those papers the size of Chad. So he's holding it up and it's blocking the fuckin TV screen, been in the air 2 hrs now and lunch is coming, I'll fill you in on what I get! yum! I think I'll have a caffeine free Sprite with my meal. She's on the bed Keanu! Ha ha he tripped over! OK, lunch today consisted of Beef with peas and mashed potato under a pastry thing, not bad. A salad, cake thing, cheese and bickies, I ask for a Sprite I got an Aussie one, slightly disappointed. As Enya plays in my headset, I ponder stuff. Oh, it's over, done pondering. What is it with this lady and one across? It's Jingles!! Catchy tunes! Not hard Lady!!

OK, it's 3:15pm now and she just got Bassoon! Congratulations, you're a crossword genius. Back later.

Hi, it's now 10 past 5 and this whole thing is screwing with my mind, it's been pitch black outside for about 2-3 hours, what is all that about? The Pepsi tastes weird and I think we're only 2 hours away from Honolulu! Cool! Unless something funny happens, I'll cya in Hawaii! Had to come back cause it was "Hot Snack" time, I opted for the Turkey Fritata for 2 reasons. A) It's a Fritata (he likes eggs) and 2) I'm hoping the Tyagaline will put me to sleep, I know it's called that cause I just read it in my book. So I'm gonna try and catch some W's, I'm not tired enough for Z's.

ALOHA! I'm in Hawaii and PS This airport is Boring! It's about 30 degrees outside and I'm in jeans and a leather jacket Holy Crap! The only store open is a news stand, I knew that I shouldn't have done this trip Candy is gonna cost me a fortune. There's at least 15 bars I have to sample not to mention drinks, chips and whatever else weird stuff they have. I had to laugh cause the toilets do flush the other way. Everyone looked at me funny whwn I came out of the toilet. I spose it's not everyday you hear someone laugh in a toilet. Even weirder it's yesterday here and it's nothing like I remember it! But in 10 mins it's today which is actually 2morro, look, I just don't know.

There's not even anything to take a photo of. OK, I just saw the funniest bus ever! The check in guy has a funny hair cut and the Cubs beat the Astros 6-2. C ya on the Plane. OK, I bought a Baby Ruth bar just cause it was in Goonies and a Snickers Cruncher just cause a WWF pay per view was sponsered by it. Baby Ruth is Yummy! I'm saving my Cruncher for later. OK, note to self, self, Baby Ruth bars give you a pain in the Tummy.

I'm back on the plane. Captain Nelson at the helm. It's 2 hours into out Journey to Vancouver and I'm gonna try and sleep again. They're making it hard by playing Josie et les Pussycats! OK, now 4 hours into the flight, I missed Josie, yep, fell asleep. It's like 12:30am now, so it's actually the 25th, but No! It's the 24th and 8:30am on the 24th. One hour away from Vancouver. I'm tired and they're trying to serve me breakfast! What is all that aboot? Time for another nap.

The lady with the coffee just came around and had a carton of milk, now it's weird enough that I'm here in yesterday but to fuck with me even more, the milk carton is a quart which says (946mls) 946? WHY? Just mutant.

Yay I'm in Vancouver. So I get off the plane and go to customs. Old mate starts asking me 20 questions "Where are you going?, why?" I tell him its a Bon Jovi concert "Oh are you going or are you part of that band?" Fuckin Milfton. He scribbles all over my card and then I got made to go into Inspection land. My new Old mate asks "Have you ever used narcotics?" I say "No man" he says "What, never?" So he goes and gets this thing and swabs my bag. What a dick! Then I got to go. So now I'm milling I've got about 1.5 hours to kill before check in, I'm just gonna walk around.

That was my flight dudes, hope you're well and not missing me too much already!

I'll try and email as much as I can, but it depends on where I am.

Rock on!

Troy the Travelling Bandit!!