TTT5

OK, why oh why does my seat squeak? Then again, why am I bouncing on my seat to make it squeak? Again, why do people look at you weird when you do stuff weird? Ooh, it's 22 degrees in Toronto and the air chickies are alot cuter than Bea Arthur and my captain sounds like that weedy American voice I do. Oh Fuck yeah, noone is next to me and I have a window seat. OK, I swear that dude said our Captains name is Fuzzy Old mate, seriously! "Hi, I'm Captain Fuzzy Old Mate" Ha ha ha. Ooh, the screen says, crap, nothing now, it went off, stupid eyes not able to look in 2 places at once. Ooh, it's back on. 1 hr and 3 mins to Toronto, 346 miles, why does French sound like woffle? Shh, safety, my Sorties are here, here and here. I'm hungry, hope we get Pretzles and Coke Classic! I love them. Man why are Air Chicks such Milftons?! Can we take off already!! Stop boring me! You're Boring me! I'm hungry, tired, bored, single, and Aquarius, did I say Bored? and PS. My legs hurt, oh how my legs hurt.

Yay, we're rollin! Oh, hang on, no we're not, why did I think we were and what the fuck is that noise? PS. It's hurting, so it stops! Hooray!! Wow, 346 miles is 557 kilometres, just thought you'd like to care. Oh, the bags are holding us up, so we're a bit delayed. 1:49pm we get in? Good one Mr Accurate Fuzzy Old mate, as if we'll get in at 1:49, I'm so thinkin 1:51pm! God, 1:49, I'll come back soon. This plane sounds like an 80's rap band, scratchin' bouncin' HO!!!!!!!!!! We've reversed a bit, are we there yet?

Hey, so it must be a rule! Why do I always get the wing when I get a window seat? I'll have to check. Yep, there it is, page 82 and I quote:

"Whence ever passenger Troy Culpan is given the honour of a window seat on a flight to a destination, he must be allocated one that is closest to the wing of the plane"

See, damn it! Stupid rule book. PS. We're about to take off, SOMETIME TODAY!!!!! 1:49, good luck mate of the oldest variety.

We're up, it's aboot (Canadian again) 20-25mins into the flight, this song rox, who sings it? Right, the stupid in flight mag isnt the one with these songs. Good! So, we just had our snack, I think they couldn't decide what to put in the roll, cause it was Ham, Beef and Chicken Loaf, I can imagine "Oh fuck it, just put em all in, they wont care", "But what if they're vegetarian?" "Let em eat the pasta salad!" Cool, it was Finger 11 who sang that song. So, the roll was OK, the Pasta salad was like cold macaroni and cheese. Oh good, Turbulance, where's Lauren Holly?!!

Well, bugger me, it's 1:46 we're early, good job Fuzzy, ok, gotta get off the plane now, back later.

OK, I'm at Sam and Troy's now, Yay! How's this, I didn't get the glove at the airport! They just let me thru, hooray! Bout time, so I'm glad cause the 2 kgs of Crack I got in New York was so cheap and I didn't want to get it confiscated. So, here's me in my 38 layers of clothes, hot as a cow on a Thursday get in a cab and old mate Rasheem or Abdul, whatever has the heater on. Look champ, it's a million degrees outside for fuck's sake!! So I get to S & T's Hooray! Now I'm in one layer, well 2 if you count boxers, so 2. Toronto looks nice. Um, I think I left your shorts in New Jersey Rhys, oops! No really oops. If I find em good, if not, I'll buy you a Coke. So, Troy and I went into the sort of city part of Toronto, the street is so much like a cross between Glebe and Lygon St, it's not funny, not even amusing! Hell I didn't even smile!! So we milled, went to KFC, had to try it. Oh my god. The Coleslaw, let me talk about that. It's bright green! It looks like off sauerkraut! It's flourecent and I could never bring myself to eat it, I'd rather eat 100 slices of American cheese.

Came back and watched the Rock's triumphant return to the WWF. Sam gave me an autographed Mike Tramp from White Lion poster that reads "To Troy, when are you going to get me tattooed on you, Mike Tramp" How cool is that!!!! I drank Orange Crush today, Yum! It's bed time now, off into Toronto 2morro. Far out, I've got it on a music channel and Craig David is on, now, it's his first single here. Holy crap, I thought he's been out for ages. I guess not.

31-7

PS. How good is sleep! I'm gonna go out and but their album today. It must be something in the air cause I had 10hrs sleep. That or maybe I was just mutantly tired. PS. Still am, but I'm just gonna kick back and watch some CMT and we're gonna go see Planet O' the Apes. Hello! I got up at 11:00 today, far oot! We got ready and went to Sam's work and did an email. From there we went and saw Jurassic Park 3, it was cool. Pterodactyls rule! I want a pet one!! I met Kid Rock today, now not the American Bad Ass Kid Rock, but the original Kid Rock, this dude has been K.R. for 25 years, what a dude, he's met everyone! That was cool. So from there we went shopping, holy shit, DVD's, CD's I found XFL stuff! Holy Jesus. I spent far too much money today but A) I don't care and 2) I don't care. So I had to beg for money for lunch, I got $4.65, cool huh?! Joke Joyce.

Got the tram a bit today, that rox, so we got home, ate and I rang Mum, that was so cool! Yay! So it's almost bed time, we're off to the Baseball 2morro to see the Blue Jays. Let's go Mets! They're playing the Minesotta Twins, but I'm going for the Mets! Yay!!

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Pinch and a Punch! So got up, it's seriously like a bazillion degrees today. So we got ready and went to Blue Jays stadium. Note to us, us, the game is 2morro, but that's why we went there. To check, at least thats what we're telling people. So we're definately going 2morro. Anyhoo. Did a bit of shopping as usual, geez I'm a chick! Ow, I just pulled my head phones out my ears accidentaly. PS. Just call me Vincent now. (In case you don't get it, I only have one ear now.) So, as I was saying, help control the pet population, have your pets spade or neudered, or was it aboot shopping?

Yeah, we did lunch, yumbo at the Peel Pub, I drank Honey Beer, they have a bee hive in the back room and basically milk the bees and mix it in with a local brew. It's so clever and tangy. Nice drop, but very pricey! We then went and saw Planet O' the Apes, cool movie but where was the singing? I love that Dr Zaus song. Musta just been in the original.

Then let me tell you about the time I had 3 heart attacks. I'm waiting at the lights and I feel this thing being stuck into my back, I'm like "Holy shit!" I turn around and some dude goes "Yo man, do you dig Hip Hop music?" and I'm like "Nah man" he's like "Do you do weed?" I'm like "No dude" he's waving his hands around like a mutantly bad rapper eg. Snow or Vanialla Ice. Pulls out a CD with a cigar attached to it and a small bag of dope "Cause, yo man, if you dig Hip Hop and weed, then my CD has both man." OK, A) Why weren't you listening to me and 2) Yeah dude, I'll take 12. Milfton. Can you explain to me why all and I mean all the freaks think, yeah, I'm gonna speak to that tall handsome guy. PS. The story about the Honey beer was bullshit.

So, oh god, can I just make mention of how absolutely drop dead gorgeous the women are in Toronto, Jesus H Tap Dancin Christ!! Can I get an Amen?! Gotta be something in the water or the dope or somethin. Is it hot in here? Actually very, gonna open a window. Now if I can be serious for a moment. You know what's spinning me out the most? The moon. This side of the world sees a different side of the moon. It's so weird, you cant see the Man on the Moon here. Shame, cause he's cool, if you haven't seen the man on the moon Aussies, go and find him and say Hi, cause the rest of the world don't get to, it's seriously a spin out. Anyway enough of my rambling today, we're definately off to the Base ball 2morro!! My god, I just looked at my stuff, could I have bought any more? OK, c ya in the morning, thanx for watching.

That'll do for today dudes, more for ya 2morro, is it good to have me back? Course it is!

Rocketh on,

Troy