Monday Night
Sleep eludes me. My feet tread a well known path; lights dance on the periphery of my vision...I sway...grab a wall, steady myself.. breathe deeply and move out again. Noone sees. I have become invisible in such a short time. People see what they want to see.
Work.. OUT the door, roadways and footpaths wet, the air crisp and dry. Seems the sky has been crying as well. As I walk downt he road it is hard to believe I spent a week elsewhere, walking other streets half a world away. I am so drastically changed and yet it has no impacted on this world I look on each day and it is strange.
Without conscious thought my legs carry me down the path they always take, criss crossing random roads... through the light very early morning traffic.. cross country to the railway station. Numb. Going through the motions. I know the staff. They smile to see me coming.. I look up and the smile is an auto response but there is no sparkle left. They do not notice the loss of light.
The miles skip by; smells pass over me and touch me not... I sit hidden behind my sunglasses invisible Work is standard. No stress, no need for conscious thought....wanting to talk to you... wanting to touch. Missing soemthing integral. Aware.
The day was done before I was even aware it had begun. Mentally numb.. on stage.. I came home and sat and watched to see if you would flutter into life before me.. hoping to see, dreading to see
There you are...my heart leaps, and the tears start. And I felt the overwhelming need to explain
