Sunday Night
Sleep eludes me. Tears bubble and overflow... I have melted into soemthing liquid that is dissolving me into winter inside. It is spring here, the heat laying upon me like soemthing solid, clinging close around my body, making each thing I do an effort..
You seek to kill hope in me, the only hope I have wrapped around myself and clung to for two years - the hope that has kept me whole. You leave me now - less, far less. I am cold. I cannot eat. I cannot drink. I cannot sleep. I have done the "normal" things. I do what is expected of me. I am hurting deeply from your cavalier decision and your vehemence that we must end. You can't understand why "we" can't be friends. Simple. I don;t accept that "we" must end.
You asked. You pushed me away. I have gone, like the good gerl I am. And GONE at a time I need you the most. You want me as a friend to assuage your guilt. And you want me because I keep alive in you soemthing you did not know you could be. There is no genuine concern or love for me here. You seek continued contact so you won;t feel so bad.
I have leaned on you as a lover, a partner, and that is what I want with you. Not anyone else. What grew in us both was because of love, and mutuality.. soemthing in us, from us - for us. I struggle to stay away from you when I ache so much even for just a word....
