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| previous LEE |
Background Background1 Sister Early Years Early_Years_2 Teens 20s - Beginnings 20s - Endings 20s - Loss 20s - Leaving 20s - Return 30s Sitemap |
| Facets: |
| Pride Were it not for my pride..easy to say LOOKING back but at the time. I am trying not to simply list all the different ways I could have done this... I have , after all many years between this and me now - years that have deepened me and shattered and remade me many times... Looking back it is easy... to the girl in her early 20's ...grieving, shattered by life, and love scorned, dreams broken all around with the weight of lives themselves resting on her shoulder, barely could she see anything except what she had to do to survive. The Facts Randy left and moved in fulltime with the Cult and life went on. For expatriates, the life can be workable. I had a cook, an ayah ( nurse) a sweeper, a laundry person.. help with those four children under four and a social life. Were I back in Australia I would have had it all land on me, plus it would mean admitting to my Family the mistake my marraige had been... I started organising money to get us all home. I should have rung and asked for help and FLED. To this day I will regret the chain of events in all our lives my pride and stupidity began. Losing Some weeks after Randy walked out he arrived one afternoon at 2.30pm. It is strange how these things are etched on one's mind. The humidity and heat of a monsoonal Bangladesh... the smells... the quiet in the place with all children asleep... The knock at the door... the bell going... my cringing because the children had just gone to sleep. I opened the door and HE was there and pushed his way in with 10 male companions. Threat implied. "I want the boys!" The hurried decision to not traumatise them, waking them ...packing their bags, kissing them and telling them to be good for Daddy, rationalising that he loves his children and ...and... they walked out of my life... no contact... no nothing for long years. I went into hiding that night |
| Tracking and defining ME |
| Loss |