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| previous LEE |
Background Background1 Sister Early Years Early Years_2 Teens 20s-Beginnings 20s-Endings 20s-Loss 20s-Leavings 20s-Return 30s Sitemap |
| Facets: |
| Early Years |
| My childhood saw me battling illness caused by a scar on my left lung...some people get colds and flu - not me!!! full blown chronic broncitis which as often as not drifted and dragged me into pneumonia. Drugs, physiotherapy, breathing exercises...months and weeks in bed...exams taken "supervised" at home.... a need to prop myself upright JUST to breathe...needles between ribs to drain fluid so I don't drown..pain in breathjing... no strength to walk even a few feet.... impossibilities of eating... memories of my father standing in the doorway to my room wondering if I would ever grow to adulthood. Disappointment When I did venture out, the world was a cruel and cold place. And unwelcoming. I lacked endurance and strength. There was a baskettball team I so wanted to join. The team was run and coached by mothers of some of the players, driven to win. I was not fast, I was sickly and weak - they rejected me. That rejection troubles me still - the 7 year old child I was knew nothing of winning ...*s*; the sickly isolated 7 year old desperately longed to belong and fit in. I felt like an alien, and the world I inhabited became increasingly secret and withdrawn. All my life I have felt one step to the left of everyone else living.... This made it worse. Expectations The nuns had us all IQ tested at 7 as well,...and they kindly told my parents how I could BE anything I wanted... and the full weight of their expectations and dreams proceeded to fall upon me,I came third in the class that year and Dad didn;t talk to me for over a week BECAUSE I should have been First. I thought third of 72 was ok...*shrugs* I learned that IF I m not perfect love is taken away. In truth life has not shown me any different thus far, but although I have nothing else, I still have a smidgeon of hope... Maybe... maybe someone can look at ME as I am for who I am and love me. MAYBE. MAYBE. |
| Tracking and defining ME |