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| previous LEE |
Background Background1 Sister Early Years Early Years_2 Teens 20s - Beginnings 20s - Endings 20s - Loss 20's - Leavings 20s - Return 30s Sitemap |
| Facets: |
| India I met a canadian man, we were isolated with infectious hepatitis ( romantic hey????) and to cut a long story short, married, got pregnant the first time I ever had sex... little more than a child myself, having a child. When Mike, my firstborn ,was a few month old, and I was already pregnant with Vinnie ( no2), Randy brought home some hitchikers to stay the weekend. New Delhi India. Lajpat Nagar Colony. He had a conversion experience. Cults. Hmmmmmmm. In the course of the next 2 years he ceased to be the man I fell in love with and he gave himself to the Cult. I also found out during that period JUST as I was about to give birth to child No 2 (Vincent) that he had never been in love with me. Nice thing for a dreamer to discover...talk about cruelly coming down to earth with a thump. Imagine this - he has been BLACK in mood and quiet for weeks... lights out, and I use words to quietly work and weedle to try and HELP him... asking, gently probing, using skill and love.... In the dark.... he quietly told me he had never loved me, told me he was in love with a certain married woman whom I knew... The bottom fell out of my world, and something died and was damaged there and then that has taken me all these years to begin to find again.... I was never big on trust, all trust died there. Every Last little bit. I had two children in two years.. and loved with all my heart and soul and mind, as I am wont to do... I asked him WHY he married me. He told me that since HE couldn't be happy, he decided to make someone else happy. Was I meant to be grateful??? The stubborn tenacious part of me, The DREAMER, the IDEALIST decided that if I loved him enough he HAD to love me back. I was wrong. You can't make anyone love you. They either do or they don't. I thought marraige was for life. I was wrong about that too. I thought I wouldn't survive. I was wrong about that too. So stubbornly I had two more children. The Children of God and their impact in my life, and four children in four years; 2 boys, 2 girls...he gave his life to "Jesus" and I became Mother, breadwinner, and everything... I will not here revisit that pain yet I see it and feel it still as if it were recent...that terrible pain of being with someone who CONSTANTLY talked of love and yet whose actions were anything and everything BUT loving. *shakes head*** |
| Tracking and defining ME |
| Precis |