metraboy online: april 29, 1999

I would say that thinking so much that you break down and cry warrants mention, wouldn't you?

So here's what I've been thinking about.

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so i watch this really depressing movie in class and i walk out and hear take back the night screaming and it all seems to hit me really hard. i am almost crying now. everything is so fucked up rosemary. i've felt that way for a long time but its finally really, really beginning to hit me.

not with you, honey popper dopper. at least for once, when i start crying about something it isn't because I feel alone. i don't. i love you.

its just...everything. the government supporting the disappearance (that's a verb) of people. schools who need the money most getting the least. the whole fact that we NEED something like take back the night.

did i mention that operation cliff clavin broke up?

honey...what scares me most is the fact that i really believe in the cause tonight but i'm scared to go march. i wish you had been home when i got here--i looked in the lab, thought i didn't see you--because i was gonna go out and march with you. i just can't go into something like that alone. and it scares me. sometimes i really hate being male. sometimes i really hate...everything.

i wish i could hug you right now. maybe i'll go back up to the library. maybe i'll go to norris to see the TBTN coffeehouse--i bet my pal jen will be playing guitar. i'll prolly just sit here, throw on the operation cliff clavin, and finish my financial aid stuff and other assorted stuff to mail.

i love you.

jim

*begin second email*

>hey y'all. if you haven't already heard, operation: cliff clavin broke up.

hey nate--they thanked you, but spelled unplesants wrong. :-)

don't feel stupid. you can start covering their songs now. we can call ourselves george wendt eating beans and just be a cover band. anyway.

I think i am gonna do an entire radio show devoted to OCC this weekend. I can read all of their liner notes and play all of their music that i have.

hope that i'm not writing to anyone that i don't know.

you folks might relate to this...i just got out of my foreign policy class. we watched a movie about a guy who was disappeared (that's a verb) in chile for helping out with a leftist newspaper. this class is a mindfuck. so i walk out of the library (where we were watching this movie) and i hear it. the crowd.

Northwestern's Take Back the Night is tonight. They usually get a crowd of 800 people.

Impressive on this often politically stagnant campus.

Well, everything just began to hit me hard. A good friend of mine had a column in the Daily paper here supporting the cause and talking about the guys she saw laughing about it and how she personally relates due to an incident in her past.

on and on and on...and i have been taking it in for a long time, especially in talks with nate when i would come visit ya'll. but for those historians in the audience, i was always getting the secondary source--Nate--rather than being the primary researcher. Me.

i came home and broke down. argh.

oh, and i am officially addicted to caffeine. that mountain dew made me feel a lot better. you see, i always have one in the morning and i didn't today. dammit.

for those of you who are asking, i am probably going to be at valpo after my golden apple summer institute, which ends august 6th. i don't start band camp till like september 6 or something, so that gives me a month to play lotsa punk rock and some pinball. maybe i'll be down for weekends and such, too. I also am planning on going to New York to see the kids I taught last summer. That trip will also maybe include stops in Florida and Texas, and should happen in mid july.

The beginning of my summer I will be helping out with the Marengo Summer with the Arts kids musical. That should kick ass, plus it's good teaching-type experience and maybe will help me decide what age of students i want to be teaching. oh, and i'll make 300-$500 for a month and a half. nice.

The Jesters are recording again in two weeks. five songs. if you haven't heard, our bass player will be teaching in japan next year, but we are grooming a replacement already. he's really good. but we wanted to get some songs down before it got to the point where we couldn't anymore.

Oh, I skateboard now. With nate's board. I don't skate nearly enough, but whatever. read all about it on my webpage (see below).

Well, that's prolly more than enough for now. Mark this date on your calendar:

6/21/99 Chicago, IL Fireside Bowl-2 Shows

Who is playing these mythical two shows? a good question. the answer?

Fifteen.

love you all.

jim

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Email me here. I'm not gonna stop you, cuz you got a right to be just as fuckin' stupid as you want to be.

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