Last updated at 22nd May 2000 (colors changed. Final Destination "quotes" added.)

This is a cheap imitation of the T-REX in LOST WORLD

I suck blood to remind myself that life sucks.

--Dracula

The plane will crash, let us board it and die a painless death together.

--"Romeo" Alex (from Final Destination) to his Juliet

In Death, there are no accidents, just mistakes that Death makes.

--The Undertaker from Final Destination.

You cannot cheat Death. However, you can bluff him

--The Undertaker from Final Destination.

Death will come when you are dying.

--Words of Wisdom from ME.

Life is like a box of chocolates, you'll never know when you'll be eaten and excreted out.

--Forest Gump

My smile is actually a fake, it was painted on but actually I know that life sucks

Mona Lisa

We used to come in peace but since all life on Earth suck, we changed our minds

--Martian King

Doesn't this remind you of the 3rd Rock from the Sun??

The Milky way have many people and aliens, the cleverest of which are the Jupitians

--Jupitian Scientist

Martians are the cleverest life in the galaxy because they have big brains and are green. Mecurians are good in science and geography because they rely on the element mercury(Hg) on a great extent especially the mercury barometer. Plutonians however, remind us of the dog Pluto from Disney land, they are nice and funny aliens. Jupitians are the biggest in all the sizes and they are versatiles. In fact, the Milky Way inhabitants are much smarter than those in the Chocolate Way eg:Superman who is a Krytonian is nothing but a rare gas in the Periodic Table, in short, he is just a gas bag."

--The Daily Planet Scientists

The Truth is out there, if you can find it.

--X-Files Motto

Trust No One! Not even I who tells you to trust no one!

--X-Files Motto

All Lies lead to the truth! So start lying about everything.

--X-Files Motto and something nobody will tell you.

I am a fan of X-Files, I know all the character lines by heart and I know the character's biography. I just love the episode when they saved the Sugarplum fairy and the Nutscracker and when David Du-coughing who playes Dana Sculder said, "By the power of Greyskull, I have the power!" I also like the part when Gillian Ander-daughter who playes Wolf Mully said, "I am She-Ra, Autobots, transform! Care Bear, Stare!"

-- A very confused X-Files "fan" and the greatest liar

Mulder, you're as sly as a Fox.

--Dana Scully

This MAN is suffering from POST-NATAL BLUES.

--Dana Scully

I'm gonna skin you alive Agent Mulder.

--Assitant Director Skinner

The Aliens have made me Immune to Lung Cancer.

--The Cigarette Smoking Man

"Expect the Unexpected". Well if you can expect the unexpected, the unexpected would be the expected.

--Words of Wisdom by ME

When a story is considered a story, it has failed to be a good story.

--Words of Wisdom by ME

Never expect the expected, then only can you actually expect the unexpected.

--Words of Wisdom by ME

Well, surf the net like a surfer on the waves and not SERVE the net like a servant!

--Greatest Servant of the NET

What? Ladies first? That was last time when all the girls were nice and sweet but now with all the ruthless and cunning career women you want to act gentlemen? Dream on!

--A Male Chavinist that was ditched by a Career Woman

If you don't understand the quotes, don't worry, only smart people understand.

--ME

This page sucks, the quotes are not funny, the X-Files page is useless and the Info page is crap, the main page sucks and ...etc

--A person who hates this page and owns a rival page.

Machester United is still the Best!

--Machester United's loyal fans despite the fact that Arsenal's at the top.

Arsenal's the Best!

--Fickle minded Fans that supported Manchester United when they won the last season and the season before that.

Andy Cole's my brother.

--Paula Cole after she drank 3 litres of Coke.

All the money from Cruise trips belong to me as well as all Cruisers.

--Tom Cruise

Who're you kidding?

--Nicole Kidman

Viagra's meant for people that don't wear bras and loves cobras.

--David Letterman after taking 3 bottles of Viagra.

I won an Oscar

--Oscar from Sesame Street

Who's smitten by me?

--Will Smith

Jack, I'm flying!

--Leonardo DiCaprio's pet canary

Leonardo DiCaprio's my reincarnation.

--Leonardo Da Vinci

Guess my Star.

--Leonardo DiCAPRIO

I've got D all my life.

--Leonardo DiCaprio

THESE 3 QUOTES ARE FOR 'O' LEVEL STUDENTS To RELIEVE THEIR STRESS. NO OFFENCE MEANT.

You need at least an 'O' Level to be allowed to come to HELL.

--Hades

To enter Heaven, you must be at least a University Graduate.

--Heaven's Gate Keeper

If you don't do well in studies, don't treat it as a matter of life and death. I predict in the distant future, that even road sweepers must hold at least a doctorate degree and Office boys must go through 40 years of studies. Perharps to be a Minister, you need to go through 80 years of education.Police officers will be 70 years old and chasing probably a 20 year old thief!

--A very morbid Futurist

Note: The quotes are meant for fun and for stress relieving, any offences made to humans, aliens or objects are greatly unintentional and regretted. Sorry for jokes made at the expense of some people and if you want them removed, please prove your identity and I will remove the quote/quotes. Aliens please show your Intergalactic passport.

If quotes are used before and registered under the copyright of someone else, please email me.

More quotes will be comming soon!

All the quotes are by me and only me although few of them are modified.

All quotes are under copyright rule registered to me. illegal action will be taken......I mean Legal Action will be taken.