The word abuse has many meanings, and even more associations. What does the word abuse mean to you personally? Does it remind you of a painful experience? Does it bring to mind ideas like "Abuse of Power"? Does it fascinate you?

I'm sure it won't surprise most of you to learn that the word abuse means something just a little different to each person. Because each of us have our own unique experiences which have shaped our beliefs and feelings about the world, a word like Abuse, while understood to be a very common word, actually brings to mind different things for each person. And because each of us has our own personal set of standards values and beliefs, we have different perspectives and opinions about what constitutes an abusive situation.

Some situations, rape and domestic violence for example, are commonly understood to be abusive by many members of North American Society. Not only is the damage caused by the abuse is graphic and violent, it is against the law.

And yet, even in such cases, there are still individuals who argue that "she/he deserved it" because of what they were wearing, or that its "a family matter", or even "mass weapons of destruction". So even with laws for our behaviour, it's still confusing.

What then about abuse that doesn't leave a mark on it's victims? If even cases of clear cut abuse are debated in a court of law, and debated between individuals, wherever are we going to find a definition of abuse for those who have been emotionally/or verbally abused?

Ultimatley you are going to have to make your own decision about what you believe. It helps if you have clear boundaries. (see Therapy) To try and answer this question for myself, and to help you in making your own decision about what the word abuse means to you, and how you feel about experiences in your own life, I have looked to our language as a place to start.

Aspects of Abuse:

Abuser: Can be one or more persons. To be an abuser suggests there is an intent. The abuser may not view their actions as abusive.

Abused: (Any noun: any person place or thing) When related to people, are referred to as victims (those who have been hurt) and Survivors (those who have overcome). Can be single person or can be group. Can also be animal, substance, idea, object, place.

What Happens: Improper or excessive use of the abused. To use wrongly or improperly;misuse: to use for a wrong purpose or end;

This can apply to every kind of abuse. Whatever is being abused, there must either be too much or not enough being acted upon the object of the abuse (if it's an animal it could be neglect, whereas, with a drug it could be too much).

What the result is: Change the inherent purpose or function of something

abuse a privelege; abuse inherited gold; abuse authority; an abuse of civil rights, or of privileges or advantages; an abuse of language. A government that commits abuses against its citizens.

When this happens the abused and abuser are changed. Wheather that be a change in a relationship, a change in perspective, a change in health or ownership or power, it is a shift either subtle or overwhelming in favour of the abuser- a gain in power or status, or energy. The abuser takes something and does not exchange anything in return. This could be as simple as belief in self, money, time, energy. This can be as drastic as the life of the abused.

In the case of psychological abuse for example, the abuser may attempt to control the victim by diverting them from projects or people which would be benefical for their wellbeing (eg: having a partner drop out of school.) If a victim is brainwashed (see psychological abuse), the victim is no longer able to function as an independant person. Their choices and actions become subserviant to the abuser. The abused may in fact then may help the other and abuse others, or abuse of their own will.

How this is Accomplished: A corrupt practice or custom; offense; crime; fault;An unjust or wrongful practice:

In the world we have socially defined norms and laws which dictate the standard by which we should behave towards each other. Some of these norms are assumed, some are written and enforced by society. Beyond these standards we have set in place to ensure the wellbeing of individuals who interact and live together, each individual has their own personal code of ethics and beliefs which they try to live by.

An abuser warps or completly disregards the line between what is acceptable and what is not. An abuser makes their own rules based on what they want, and inforces their beliefs on others without concern for either social norms, personal wellbeing or the wellbeing of others. In fact, I would go so far as to say that in many cases (with a few exceptions of course) the Abuser does so with the intent to harm or take something from the abused.

Cruel or Inhumane Treatment;To use ill; to maltreat; to act injuriously to; to punish or to tax excessively; to hurt or injure by maltreatment; Physical ill treatment; injury

Forms in which this is manifested:

a: Physical Abuse.to abuse prisoners, a wrongful using of an animal, spousal abuse.
b: Sexual abuse.To force sexual activity on; rape or molest.
c: Verbal/Emotional abuse Insulting or coarse language: a rude expression intended to offend or hurt; abusive language; condemnation,
d: Psychological Abuse:To deceive or trick. To dishonor. To impose on.

If you read the cycle of abuse page, you will find more information about how different forms of abuse are connected. One of the things to remember when reading the information pages, is that abuse doesn't exist in a vacuum. There must be both an abuser, and an abused (even if these are the same person). And many forms of abuse can happen in the same relationship.

Links:

When Love Hurts: A Guide on Love, Respect and Abuse in Relationships

Blain Nelson's Abuse Pages: Perhaps You have An Abuse Problem

Center for Children and Families in the Justice System: Links To Sites About Relationship Abuse

National Clearinghouse on Family Violence: Male Abuse

Breaking the Silence: British Columbia refrence material.

The Student Counselling and Resource Service: online pamphlets from the University of Chicago.

Screening for Mental Health: University of Flordia's Online Screening program.

Education Wife Assault: Education and Information