posted May 16, 2000 07:58 PM               

inspired by Shady
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A while ago, there was a boy
His stuffed Cosmic Boy was his favorite toy
He took it everywhere he went
Without it, his emotions were spent

This toy meant a lot to him
Hell, he thought it was a detached limb
While playing he said, "My dear Rokk....
"You sure do have an enormous.....arm"

Yes, this toy made quite an impression
Because of it, the boy had to run to confession
because of it......let's just say
this boy never had to go outside to play

But happened this one day...
Is enough to make an atheist pray
His parents took the loved Rokk Krinn
And threw it in the trash bin!

And this poor boy, alone in tears
Started to scream aloud his fears
And on this day was born
A hero whom when forlorn
Has the power to raise his voice
But never in order to rejoice
But now there are always cries of joy
when we behold the WHINING WILDLY BOY!
********************************

And just wait till you see the postboot version......

------------------
Whining Wildly Boy of the LMB

posted May 17, 2000 10:38 AM               

Beagle - I want the full version. Reveal yourself!

Lard - I liked the Hummer Lass tale, especially the shoe-shining euphemism.

posted May 17, 2000 01:22 PM               

6. returning the 'glorious favor'
7. she really, really loves the guy

8. she's a sick little puppy!

posted May 18, 2000 12:35 AM               

BBC: I have to admit the "shoe-shine" euphamism wasn't mine! I got it off a porn flick! Here's the dialogue:

"How'd you like your shoe-shine?"

posted May 20, 2000 06:15 PM               

Lard, you promised me this was going to become the soft-core porn forum!

I'm so disappointed.

posted May 21, 2000 12:45 AM               

In the years since...(5 years later?)

A darkness descends on the Universe...and in one dark corner of the Earth, a baby was born ... it was a beautiful baby and won prizes at baby shows but a darker destiny awaited him. He was called Lik Wen...meaning "Strenght in Knowledge".

As the baby grew into a tiny tot...a change came over him. In the dark of the night he would wake his whole family with eerie cries that would go on and on. Unable to understand his cries, the tot was sent to medical doctors who could find nothing wrong with him. At their wits end, the family brought the child to a Chinese Priest...

It was determined that the child had the third eye, which enabled the child to be highly empathic and gavehim access into the spirit world. The child it seemed could see the spirits (Ed. have you all seen 6th Sense...it's a true story)

The Medium being a powerful Chinese Sorcerer or sorts invoked the power of a Powerful Chinese god (Lao Jun) and made him the protector of the kid.

The crying stopped, the fear left the kid, the kid grew stronger and healthy, but his power of empathy never really left him though he lost his ability to access the spirit world. He led what many called a charmed life under the protection of the Chinese god. Also, in all his life, he grasp of the supernatural and the occult never left him, as he began to excel in knowledge of the occult and mythology.

Eventually he left his parents and went into the world to save his fellow men and women from the evils of the world, using the wisdom that was bestowed on him by his protector, and the empathy that kept growing stronger each passing year.

By the time he was 16, he felt strong enough to stand on his own and renounced his ties with his protector. Respectfully, he ended his communion with the god and thanked him for his blessings in the past. The young men began tojourney into the unknown on his own and his power of empathy grew stronger. He eventually took on the name Galadhran meaning "Forest Wanderer"...why? coz he liked forests...

posted May 21, 2000 04:51 PM               

One day young Tyler Hoffman was walking down the street with his pal Sasha (who had just recently joined the LMB), when a passing chemical truck crashed. Sasha used his spifferific new power to try and contain it, and it appeared to work.
The truck driver thanked them, and gave them a bag of oreo's, and a bag of chips ahoy!. Suddenly, Ty's annoying neighbor ran up, and stole the bag of oreo's! sasha tried to stop him, but he got away.
Later, after tyler finished the bag of chips ahoy! he noticed something strange...his tannish-blonde hair suddenly had brown spots in it. The first thing he touched, was abowl. That bowl was the filled with cookie dough! As he was about to eat it, it said: Don't eat me! I am bater boy(and also your subconious)! I know about your powers that you now have and I can teach you how to use them! I can also teach you how to make better cookie batter because I'm a little stale..."
And thus was born Chips Ahoy! Boy.
he later joined the LMB (wanting to see if all the kewl tales that Sasha told him were true.)note: They are!
also, his neighbor became the veil Oreo King, bent on intergalactic domination(an turnin us all into oreo's)
POWERS: Chips Ahoy! Boy has the power to access the Chips AHoy! force, allowing him to shoot cookie dough, turn people into cookie dough, and a magical fire-breath to turn cookie dough into cookies. With much concentration, he can actually turn people into chips ahoy! cookies. (and his cookies are ALWAYS A THOUSAND CHIPS DELICOUS, so don't ask!) Also, his sidekick Batterboy-who-is-also-a-projection-of-his-subconcious-mind is a talking bowl of cookie dough.

posted June 28, 2000 03:17 AM               

Shady, I hope you'll give it a look. Your above thoughts about her only being a male fantasy made me think seriously about the character. As the story unfolds, I intend to reveal more about what makes the character what she is. While there will be humorous moments, the story is primarily a serious character exploration. I think the revelations and emotions that unfold may surprise some of you. (BTW Shady: you have a supporting role in the story so you MUST check it out!)

I'm really into the concepts I've got worked out for the story! I'm really eager to hear what you guys think of it so far. I can promise it will be chock full of surprises, not the least of which is the serious exploration of what started out to be a joke character.

posted July 21, 2000 03:50 AM               

Throughout the checkered history (crown me!) of the Legion, there has never been a member who comes before Ample Man in an alphabetical list. (see footnote 1)

But Ample Man was not always the grand heroic figure who always stands on the back row in the Legion group shot. No, once, in the dim recesses of the past (we enjoyed those on the dim playground of the past), Ample Man was neither Ample nor a Man.

At the age of twelve, little Matthew Thompson (say Matu Tomp in Interlac) was a slender boy and very active. But an encounter with the villain Gotta Havem (see footnote 2) led him down the dark path of rabid comic collecting.

Havem promised Matthew all the comics he could afford, and some he couldn't, but Havem never mentioned the price of the habit (and it's gotten pretty pricy).

One morning in the shower, Matthew looked down and noticed that he didn't see his wienie. Now, he told himself there were two possible reasons for this, and yet he knew which was true. The price of his sedentary lifestyle (it means not very active -- it has nothing to do with rocks) spent trying to discover the magic of the comic books, was simple obesity (see footnote 3). Matthew knew this, but he hid from the truth. "Ample," he said. "I am ample. I am enough. Heretofore, shall I be known as Ample Boy." And so it was for some time, as Matthew simply grew, rounder and rounder, past the 200 mark, past 210.

Then there was college, and at times it seemed a salvation. There was so much more to discover, and the comics had gotten so atrocious (this was the early 90s, I'm being gentle). Slowly, he dropped titles, letting his collection lapse. But his story could not end there.

Deep in the labyrinthine caverns of What Wouldbe, the evil Lord of Wouldbe, Multiverso (that's Universo's big brother, FYI) stewed over the destiny of Ample Boy. "He must become Ample Man. He must join the Legion of Message Board Posters. But he is so far off track. I must get him to read comic books again."

Multiverso was so desperate he made a rare appearance before the stunned Matthew, who hadn't worn the Ample Cape in years. "Not Gotta Havem again," Matthew whined. "I buried you and your curse," the 180-lb. Matthew boasted.
"So you did, but I am not Havem." Multiverso gestured and Matthew was hypnotized. "Mark Waid is writing the Flash," he told the once and future Ample.
"So," Matthew monotoned. "I've never heard of him."
"And the art is by a catchy guy named Mike Wieringo."
"Never heard of him either."
"But the story is about Flash using Johnny Quick's magic formula and the whole issue takes only a fraction of a second."
Matthew trembled, still locked in the trance. A low hum rose from his throat, building to a scream. "I gotta havit! I gotta havit!"

And lo, Ample Man was born again. So many years later, Ample has reclaimed the lost years of infidelity. Masquerading as the little brother of Multiverso, he ventured slowly into the midst of the LMB. Calling himself Universo, who once would have been their foe, he learned he could trust such as these. He dropped his disguise, and stands before them in all his Amplicity -- 260 and rising.

POWERS: As listed in the Fact Files Ample Man's one-at-a-time powers are: 1) Ultra-subtlety; 2) Super-inference-making; 3) Telling it like it was; 4) Super-apologetic
Meaning he can, in order, expect you to read between the lines; read between your lines; remind you of what you just said; and apologize for bringing it up in the first place.

BASE OF OPERATIONS: Formerly, the outskirts of a town on the edge of nowhere. Currently, the LMB clubhouse.