Enough of the pleasantries! Let's cut to the chsae!
That's right, everyone. As of today, it has been exactly 366 days since I posted my first article.
Ah, the times we've shared. Like, remember that time when I was right, and you were all, "oooooh!" and then I was all, "yeah, bitch." Remember that?
Shit... I really can't think of that great of a thing to do for such a substantial event. Can't you fucking morons just be satisfied with the fact that I've been enlightening your ass off all year? Isn't it enough...for you? Christ-crackers and mustard cheese.
First of all, I will list all the things I did for you as a present for the site's birthday, even though it's ME that should be getting the presents:
I editted and uploaded three new videos.
I wrote a FUCKLOAD more movie reviews.
I changed the layout of my main page.
I made a site logo entirely out of circles.
I wrote my first conspiracy.
I wrote a story.
I composed this article.
And just for the sake of updating every single fucking section, I busted my ass off and made you at least three new ambigrams.
Do you like pie? I don't.
Total: 5839
Well would you look at that? The number of views since I moved to Geocities. Add about 1000 views from when the site was on... That's it! I'll hold a contest!
Have you been viewing this site since before it moved to Geocities? If you can prove it, I'll give you... Well... We'll figure that out. Anyway, all you have to do is send me an e-mail and give me the original link to my site, before I moved it to Geocities. Label the e-mail "YOUR WEBSITE CONTEST!" or something I can recognize among the hundreds of daily spam mails I have to sift through.
...Now that that's over with, on with the special edition article!
Well I already told you my penis length, so what's left to say? Oh! I know!
If I were a cowboy, I'd be named "Wild and Unorthodox Bill." What do you think of that?
Sweet underaged virgin, I'm lost! I can't think of a damn good thing to say, and if I continue to ramble on like this, you'll get sick of it and just leave. I have to make a great save...NOW!..
...
No, I've seriously got nothing. It's 6:40 AM and I'm tired. Plus, I belted out assloads of shit for this special occassion, so why should I have to make an outstanding special occassion article? You know what? Fuck you. I'm going to take my annual shower. Bye.
~I'm Captain Plaid-Beard!~
Back to further enlightenment.