I didn't want to review movies because that's usually Maddox's bag, but I decided I'd throw in my two cents. I have seen a LOT of movies, so you'll be getting a lot of reviews. Check back often.
My rating system is simple enough. The greatness of the movie will be rated out of 5 stars, and the content rating will be common knowledge. The content rating will not be the actual rating on the box, but the rating I give it.
Oldschool
Will Ferrel. Funny-ass movie. God damnit, this is a great movie. Nothing steps to fat black kids and old men in a frat hosted by confused men in their mid-thirties. The whole thing is great, ass-funny, fucking shit ass hilarious, and shit dick titty fuck damn ass beer amusing. See it.
Overall Rating: *****
Content Rating: G
Pootie Tang
Meh. I thought this was going to be better, but it was fairly bland. There were a few funny parts, but overall it wasn't that impressive.
Overall Rating: **
Content Rating: G
Seven
Brad Pitt and Kevin Spacey are teh 0wn493, as you all know. (That means they're really cool.) Anyway, this was a good movie. It's not the best I've ever seen, but I found it enjoyable. It's about some guy who's killing people. Then there's crap about living people, but that's boring. The important thing is: I was able to identify Kevin Spacey by his voice.
Overall Rating: ****
Content Rating: G
Collateral
This will be a short review, but I liked this movie. Tom Cruise kicked total ass, seriously. The only part I didn't completely approve of was the ending, but there's no surprise there. It's a good movie.
Overall Rating: ****
Content Rating: G
Anchorman
I was surprised at how little I liked this movie when seeing it in theatres. There's good stupid, and then there's poorly scripted stupid. Given time to "reflect," I've blocked most of the completely stupid aspects from my mind and, being that the actual funny parts are pretty much all that remain, I like the movie. Still, I remember it being dumb... Oh well. Will Ferrel.
Overall Rating: ***
Content Rating: G
Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels
Along the same lines of Snatch, this is a great movie. That's about all I can say. It's really fucking funny and awesome. Lots of death and British people. It's by the same people who made Snatch. What more could you want?
Overall Rating: *****
Content Rating: G
Basketball Diaries
Leonardo Dicaprio(sp) doesn't die in the end, which makes me sad. But there was a lot of immoral stuff going on, so I guess it was decent enough.
Overall Rating: ***
Content Rating: PG
Badder Santa
Not only was this a great movie, but if it had ended about two minutes before it actually did, it would have seriously reinstilled my faith in the human race. I'm sad it didn't, but it came close enough. You can even overlook the extremely disturbing kid because of the hilarity. Billy Bob Thorton is awesome, and so was this movie. Go see it.
Overall Rating: *****
Content Rating: PG
The Usual Suspects
This was an awesome movie because it was cool and I like Benecio Del Toro and Kevin Spacey. That guy Stephen Baldwin was highly amusing, and the ending made me happy. Go see it.
Overall Rating: *****
Content Rating: PG
Sling Blade
This is probably not supposed to be funny, but it is anyway. It has Billy Bob Thorton as some mental patient, and a bunch of fucked up and believable characters. It's good.
Overall Rating: ****
Content Rating: PG
Bubba Ho-Tep
This is an overly amusing movie. It's really fuck-ass funny. It's shit-odd, and it manages to be coherent while leaving open ends and using questionable logic. That just makes it all the more funny, though. There's Elvis Presley talking about his penis, some black guy who thinks he's JFK, and a giant scarab. Go see it.
Overall Rating: *****
Content Rating: G
Pulp Fiction
The fact that Uma Thurman is in this movie doesn't matter. I used to think John Travolta sucked because I associated him with the movie Grease, which I've never seen. After seeing Pulp Fiction, John Travolta rules. The characters are mostly great, and they have lots of odd and amusing conversations. Even an unusually disturbing scene can't make this a bad movie. Go see it.
Overall Rating: *****
Content Rating: PG13
Kill Bill
It was slow at parts, and Uma Thurman is really really shitty. Still, it somehow managed to be mildly cool, probably because of the mace/flail/ball and chain-weilding girl. It was kind of fruity, with really stupid blood effects that I'm sure were intentional for some reason or another. Meh... I suppose I'd reccommend this movie, but there are others that are better.
Overall Rating: **
Content Rating: PG
Snatch
With a cast consisting of Brad Pitt, Benecio Del Toro, Jason Statham, and about 57 other people, you know you're in for a damn good movie. This was hilarious and awesome, with lots of killing and very smooth ways of blending the characters' stories, unlike in 2 Days In The Valley. I'd highly suggest you go see this damn-ass good movie. NOW!
Overall Rating: *****
Content Rating: PG
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest
I don't know how to spell "Cuckoo," but that's okay. Jack Nicholson does a pretty good job in this ass-old movie. It's not the best I've ever seen, but it is entertaining for the most part. The ending was kind of...erm...bland. But it wasn't terrible or even bad like a lot of movies. I'd probably go see it if you said "Hey, dumbass, wanna go see a movie for free and instantaneously?" The fighting looks really damn fake. Still, it's pretty good.
Overall Rating: ****
Content Rating: G
Adaptation
This was an odd movie. It ends nothing like you'd expect from how it begins. I think that might be part of the premise. You'll get what you'll get from movies, you know? All in all, it was strange and entertaining. I enjoyed it. This is a really really short review.
Overall Rating: ****
Content Rating: G
Brazil
I love this movie. It is really eerie and hilarious at the same time for most of the movie. However, the ending to this movie is so damn great, you won't even believe it. It's so unusual, so fitting, so meaningful. When looked at as a whole, this movie is arguably the best movie I've ever seen. It's going up there with Memento and Donnie Darko. Go see it.
Overall Rating: ******
Content Rating: PG
Waking Ned Divine
It's full of old, Irisih people. It's actually a really enjoyable movie, up until the end. The way it ends is so fucking stupid... I mean it's such a bad ending, at least one star is getting knocked off for this ending. It left me going, "Wtf? That's not an ending! What the hell happens next? I don't get to find out?" Still, I think it's probably worth seeing. It is good for the majority of the time it's on.
Overall Rating: ***
Content Rating: G
L.A. Story
Written by and staring Steve Martin. The first part of the movie is comedy gold. It could be going into the comedy gold mine. That makes it easy to overlook the uber-gay love ending shit. Definately see it.
Overall Rating: *****
Content Rating: PG
Dead Presidents
There's a lot of cussing, so it's cool. Seriously, though, it's a pretty cool movie. Not a real deep plot, but lots of violence and profanity, and death. All the good stuff.
Overall Rating: ***
Content Rating: PG-13
Gladiator
This was a pretty good movie. Though be warned. If you watch the movie, everyone in the known universe will hate the antagonist with a deep passion. I don't know why. It's kind of irritating how evil everyone thinks he is. You probably will too, though, so it's okay. It's pretty cool. I'd reccommend it.
Overall Rating: ****
Content Rating: PG
Cube
This movie is really strange and possibly Canadian. That doesn't take away from its greatness, though. Cube is about a small group of people who wake up in a cubic room with six doors; one in the middle of each face. They soon learn that some of the rooms are trapped to the end of death. They have no idea how to get out, and no food or water. All they have is each other, and people in that situation can't stay sane for long. Plus, this movie has a hot chick. The ending is gay, but then again, most endings are. It's easily overlooked, so go go watch it!
Overall Rating: *****
Content Rating: PG
Cube2: Hypercube.
This movie was interesting, but it just wasn't as good as the first. I still reccommend seeing it. It's the same basic concept as Cube, only each door is a portal to a different dimension. There are an infinite number of different rooms and the room you end up in is always changing, even if you go through the same door. So... See it. There's no hot chicks, but there is a funny old lady!
Overall Rating: ****
Content Rating: PG
The Patriot
Mel Gibson. He's kind of a pussy, but when he wants to, he can kick a lot of ass. In this movie, he definately does some serious ass kicking. The best scene is the first major fight scene, but it's still a movie worth watching. Death.
Overall Rating: ****
Content Rating: PG
Braveheart
Mel Gibson. Yeah, you know. The best scene is the first major fight scene again, but it is also still worth watching. It's pretty much The Patriot except with more melee combat and Scottish accents, plus boobies and Your Mom jokes.
Overall Ratihg: ****
Content Rating: PG
K-Pax
This is a weird movie about some alien who comes to earth and everyone thinks he is a crazy man so they put him in a mental institution. Several strange and interesting things unfold over the course of this movie, and some of the things the alien guy says are intriguing. Go watch it.
Overall Rating: *****
Content Rating: G
Die Hard
Bruce Willis runs around and uses his wits to kick a TON of ass. Seriously, this movie is full of ass kicking. There's no reason to not see this movie.
Overall Rating: ****
Content Rating: PG
Airforce One
Harrison Ford runs around and uses his wits to kick a TON of ass. Seriously, this movie is full of ass kicking. There's no reason to not see this movie.
Overall Rating: ****
Content Rating: PG
The Fugitive
Harrison Ford again. He doesn't kick as much ass in this movie, but he's being chased around by Tommy Lee Jones and the guy who plays Teddy on Memento. He does kick a fair amount of ass, though. It's really a good movie, so you should see it.
Overall Rating: ****
Content Rating: PG
Bandits
Bruce Willis and Billy Bob Thorton own it up on this movie. It's simultaneously hilarious and interesting to see all the things that the "Sleepover Bandits" do and how they get things done. Plus, the end doesn't suck. It's pretty cool, actually. See this movie.
Overall Rating: *****
Content Rating: G
Sphere
This is a really weird-ass movie about a group of people who go underwater to inspect what they think is a 300 year old alien spacecraft. What they find onboard is more than they could have imagined. They make contact with a strange form of life, and many fatal conflicts arise. I seriously reccommend watching this movie.
Overall Rating: *****
Content Rating: G
Gattaca
This is a strange movie about a time in which genetically engineered people dominate. It's a story about a natural-birth guy who tries to make it in a world among the enhanced superhumans. Uma Thurman is in it, so her ugliness dropped the movie a whole star. Sorry. I'd still reccommend seeing it.
Overall Rating: ***
Content Rating: G
Solaris
The whole thing made no sense, but it was interesting nonetheless. For some reason, I enjoyed it, but I don't know if most people would.
Overall Rating: ***
Content Rating: G
Planet of the Apes (Remake)
They seriously could have picked a better actor to be the main character, but oh well. It was a highly interesting movie, to say the least. The only thing was that the last 30 seconds kind of made for a desperately strange ending. I think I got what they were trying to say, but they could have done it better. It's still a good movie.
Overall Rating: ***
Content Rating: G
Fast and the Furious
When I first heard of this movie, I was afraid I'd hate it. A movie all about cars? What the fuck? But no, it was a lot more than cars. It had a good plot, and you could really feel the setting well. You really got to know the characters after a while. I reccommend it.
Overall Rating: *****
Content Rating: PG
2 Fast 2 Furious
This is what I was afraid of in the first movie. It's completely mindless and a pure money-making ploy.
Overall Rating: **
Content Rating: PG
Underworld
For the kind of movie it was, the CGI was fucking terrible. I swear. I haven't seen a movie with such bad special effects in a long time. The plot was really weird, but it ended stupidly because of love. Damn fuck. Oh well, it's mildly interesting, and Victor is a badass.
Overall Rating: ***
Content Rating: PG
Tears of the Sun
Well... This was a pretty stupid and terrible movie. I'd expect more from Bruce Willis. There's some chick with her boobs cut off, and WAY too fucking much human compassion/stupidity.
Overall Rating: *
Content Rating: R
Lost In Translation
I was excited to see this movie. Bill Murray is a really funny guy. Too bad this movie blew my ass. What the fuck? It was completely pointless. Let me put it this way. It seemed like it revolved around romance (which would have made it stupid), but it was so stupid in itself that I couldn't even tell. What a waste of fucking time.
Overall Rating:
Content Rating: G
21 Grams
Sean Penn is cool, Benicio del Toro(sp) is cool, and the chick (Naomi Watts, I think, but I don't remember) is hott and topless in this movie. To top it all off, it's full of twists and it's really interesting to see how each character reacts as their lives are torn apart because of one single, accidental mistake. The first bit of the movie is told in completely random order. After that, it starts getting more tangible. All in all, this is a great movie.
Overall Rating: *****
Content Rating: PG13
Timeline
This movie was just crappy. It was so crappy that pretty much the only thing that I remember about it is that it is crappy. Fuck!
Overall Rating:
Content Rating: ??
Master and Commander
What a boring movie. It was mildly entertaining, but ultimately, it had no point at all. The doctor guy is a cool actor. A lot of really stupid people kill other stupid people, or kill themselves.
Overall Rating: *
Content Rating: PG
Mystic River
I really loved this movie, especially when everything came together in the end. The way the characters changed was really interesting. This was one of those movies where emotion didn't end up all gay. Go see it. Sean Penn again.
Overall Rating: *****
Content Rating: PG
Raising Victor Vargas
What the fuck? This movie was pointless, although it was kind of funny because there were a bunch of stupid, foreign-esque people. Still, it's pointless. Also, there's no music.
Overall Rating: *
Content Rating: PG
A Beautiful Mind
This was a really interesting movie to me on account of I didn't know the major plot twist beforehand. It's about some guy who is a genius and he gets recruited to decode secret, hostile messages that Russians are sending each other. If you know nothing about this movie, see it.
Overall Rating: *****
Content Rating: G
Paycheck
This movie is kind of cool, though it's full of ugly people like Ben Affleck and Uma Thurman. Eww. Anyway, it's about this guy who gets paid large sums of money to take shit apart and figure out how it works. Meh...
Overall Rating: ***
Content Rating: PG
Fargo
Steve Buscemi. What more do I need to say? This movie is really Canadian and annoying at first, but at the end, it really picks up. I reccommend it.
Overall Rating: ****
Content Rating: PG
Sixth Sense
This is a strange, old movie. It has Bruce Willis as a child psychologist trying to help out this VERY disturbed kid who is seeing severe hallucinations...or is he? This movie has a fucked up (but most likely well-known) twist. It's pretty cool.
Overall Rating: ****
Content Rating: PG
Italian Job
This movie could actually have been better. It was not as good as it looked from the previews. Still, I guess it's okay.
Overall Rating: **
Content Rating: G
Bowfinger
Steve Martin is a crappy movie director who tries to get a popular star to star in his movie without his knowledge. An array of amusing events unfolds as they go about trying to film this top-notch actor interacting with Steve's cast. Uhm... See it.
Overall Rating: ****
Content Rating: G
Planes, Trains, and Automobiles
This is a classic Steve Martin movie. Why haven't you seen this movie yet? An assload of funny shit happens as Steve Martin is trying to get home, and he keeps running into this guy played by John Candy. It really is a funny-ass movie.
Overall Rating: *****
Content Rating: G
The Three Amigos
This is another classic Steve Martin movie. He stars alongside Chevy Chase and Martin Short. It's about three actors that play characters known as "The Three Amigos" who fight bad guys. Some Mexicans think the three amigos are real people, so they try to get them to come help their town. In a misunderstanding, the three amigos interpret the call for help as a movie deal. They go to do their job, and encounter several surprises along the way. Watch it.
Overall Rating: ****
Content Rating: G
The Jerk
This is arguably the most classic Steve Martin movie of all time. He plays some stupid guy raised by black people who goes out in the world to try to make it on his own. Goddamn... I can't describe the hilarity of this movie. Please watch it.
Overall Rating: *****
Content Rating: G
Airplane
This is an old movie, and it's highly amusing. I don't really know what to say. It's just one crazy thing after another that happens on this airplane that's falling to its peril with only one chance for salvation. It's a comedy, and it does a good job of being comical.
Overall Rating: ****
Content Rating: PG
Cheaper By The Dozen
This is a newer Steve Martin movie. It's not nearly as funny as the older Steve Martin classics. It's okay, but it's one of those nothing-else-to-do movies.
Overall Rating: **
Content Rating: G
Requieum for a Dream
This was one fucked up movie the first time I saw it. However, as I watched it again, I realized it was awesome. It follows the lives of four people who are/get involved with drugs of some sort. It then elaborates on the way their lives change because of the things people will do for drugs and the things drugs will do to people. There's not a lot of violence, but I thought it was good anyway. There are a few sexually-oriented scenes, and if you don't want your annoying kids going "What is she doing?" every five seconds, I wouldn't reccomend letting them see it.
Overall Rating: ****
Content Rating: PG13
Punch Drunk Love
Adam Sandler in a serious role, eh? It was unusual, but he was good at it. It doesn't really matter how many times you watch this movie; it's always going to be fucked up, stoned, and cool. I liked it because of what a sad condition Adam Sandler's character's life was in. His character was amusing and disturbed. It had awesome music, and there was a short scene of ass-kicking (which is my favourite scene). All-in-all, it doesn't make a hell of a lot of sense, but I'd say it's worth seeing. There is some profanity, but I don't care about profanity, so here are my ratings.
Overall Rating: ****
Content Rating: PG
Butterfly Effect
Ashton Kutcher in a serious role this time. He wasn't bad, either. It's based around the idea that one little decision can drastically change everything for the future. This movie is one of my favourite movies of all time. It takes an interesting concept, sets it up with a logical script, sprinkles generously with scenes of ass-kicking violence, and makes a movie of it. There were boobies and implied adult themes.
Overall Rating: *****
Content Rating: PG13
Memento
Holy shit! This movie was so damn good, it's not even funny! It's about this guy who can't remember anything after the night that his wife was raped and killed. He has no short term memory, and he is trying to hunt down his wife's killer. Every day, he has to meet his friends again, and he keeps notes of important things on pictures, papers, or even on his body. As if that wasn't interesting enough, the movie is shown in reverse order, making the end actually the beginning. The end (beginning) is a real twist, too, and I love the hell out of this movie for it. This is such a great movie, it's insane. There's some violence and profanity.
Overall Rating: ******
Content Rating: PG
Donnie Darko
Alrighty, then. This is my favourite movie of all time. It's nearly impossible to explain it to other people, though. I'll just say that its meanings are MANY and highly interpretational. Every time you watch the movie, you come up with new ideas. It's very weird but VERY interesting. I reccommend this movie to anyone, anywhere, anytime. There is profanity.
Overall Rating: ******
Content Rating: PG
Scarface
Al Pacino is my favourite actor, and he makes a brilliant performance in this classic movie about a lowly man who is shipped to America from Cuba. This man--Tony Montana--gets into the world of crime. The entire time, you observe Tony Montana kicking ass and doing whatever it takes to get thigs done. I highly reccommend this movie. Violence and drugs.
Overall Rating: *****
Content Rating: PG
The Transporter
This movie is mostly about fight scenes, which are always enjoyable. There is an underlying plot, though, and the main character is one badass mofo. He is a pussy in some respects, but when it comes to ass kicking, he is right there. Seriously, some of these fight scenes will kick your ass.
Overall Rating: ****
Content Rating: G
The Hunted
The plot wasn't excellent and the fight scenes were lacking. Still, the hunted guy was fairly badass. If you're bored, I'd reccommend seeing this movie. There's blood and death.
Overall Rating: ***
Content Rating: PG
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Yeah... This movie is a brilliant and genius masterpiece. If you haven't seen this movie, then what the fuck is wrong with you? Go see it! RIGHT NOW! I swear, this is a hilarious and awesome movie. It's CLASSIC! SEE IT RIGHT NOW!!! IT'S SUITABLE FOR ALL AGES!
Overall Rating: *****
Content Rating: G
Kung Pow: Enter The Fist
This movie is so stupid and so fucking hilarious. It's so insanely stupid with clever remarks and happenings that you just have to love it. Plus, the differences dubbing and editting can make are incredibly satisfying and funny. See this damn movie.
Overall Rating: *****
Content Rating: G
Dude, Where's My Car?
This is my second favourite movie. It is a great comedic work following the random and unlikely adventures of two stoners on a very interesting day. From ostriches to Chinese food to chicks in jump suits offering oral sex, this movie has it all, and it's all executed perfectly. Seriously, I advise seeing this movie.
Overall Rating: *****
Content Rating: G
Malibu's Most Wanted
This movie is reasonably entertaining. It's not as funny as the last three I mentioned, but it definately has its moments. I would reccommend seeing this at some point in your life. I laughed at it.
Overall Rating: ****
Content Rating: G
The Insider
It had Al Pacino in it, and Al is always great. ALWAYS! But this movie was boring as hell. Absolutely nothing happened. Oh well. I actually fell asleep for a few parts towards the mid-beginning, or maybe the beginning of the middle.
Overall Rating: **
Content Rating: PG
Insomnia
Another Al Pacino movie. It's about this guy who, while trying to solve the case of a murder, becomes secretly involved with the murderer. Why? You'll see. The plot is very interesting, and there are a few cool violence scenes.
Overall Rating: ****
Content Rating: PG
Darkness Falls
Do not see this movie. It is the stupidest movie on the face of this planet. I have never talked to a single human being that has enjoyed this movie in my entire life. It is so boring, inconsistent, and just plain bad all around. Shun this film.
Overall Rating:
Content Rating: PG
Dog Day Afternoon
A movie about an actual bank robbery gone wrong. It's funny, interesting, and Al Pacino is the main character! What more could you want? You really get to know the characters, and the events that occur are always entertaining in some form.
Overall Rating: ****
Content Rating: G
The Ring
I don't know if anyone agrees with me when I say this, but The Ring was stupid. It was not scary at all, and the plot was fairly dumb. There were random, meaningless scenes that might have been interpretted as scary had the viewer wanted them to be. I wouldn't reccommend seeing it.
Overall Rating: *
Content Rating: PG
Matchstick Men
Honestly, see this movie. I would tell you more, but that would give too much away. Seriously. This isn't one of those movies that starts off all cool and then turns into some gay chick flick like so many other movies in circulation. See this movie! I strongly reccommend it.
Overall Rating: *****
Content Rating: G
Johnny English
British stuff. It's so dumb and yet so funny. I got a few kicks out of this movie, and you might too. The ending (not the very, very end of the movie, but how the conflict is resolved) is so hilarious because it could probably actually happen. Go see it if you're looking for some laughs.
Overall Rating: ****
Content Rating: G
Reservoir Dogs
Have I not reviewed this movie yet? What the hell? Ok, this movie is hilarious and full of killing and death! The characters are great. Go see it today.
Overall Rating: ****
Content Rating: PG-13
Stricken
This is a funny movie, even though I don't know if it's supposed to be... There's only one part I don't like out of this movie. Jamie Kennedy is pretty much the main character of the movie, and he's funny and an awesome actor. He owned in this movie. Go see it.
Overall Rating: ****
Content Rating: PG
~Movies movies movies!~
Back to more greatness.