What is respect? Many would define respect as “being courteous” or “having good manners.” However, respect involves much more than these limited meanings. Respect involves caring about how other people feel.

There are many types of respect: Respect for the safety of others, for property, for your parents, teachers, or others, for the environment, for different races, cultures, and beliefs. Courtesy, politeness, and manners are only small elements in the real meaning of respect. Respect is, and always will be, a foundation in the development of high fundamental values.

In this section we will focus on some basic elements of respect. Why is it important? What about those people who are not like us? If I disagree with another person, why should I be respectful? What about me, don’t I deserve respect?

GIVE IN ORDER TO RECEIVE

It is important to understand that respect isn’t given consistently unless it is also received. In other words, in order to receive respect, you must give respect. High quality people take the leadership in offering respect to others, even when it is not readily returned.

Example: Elizabeth is an 8^th grade student in Mr. Mason’s mathematics class. Elizabeth has decided that she doesn’t like math and pays little attention to the learning activities. She talks constantly, giggles loudly, sometimes tosses paper across the room, etc. She knows that her behavior annoys Mr. Mason and interferes with the learning of others, as well as herself. Mr. Mason has warned her many times. Finally, Mr. Mason becomes angry and yells at Elizabeth to behave. This angers Elizabeth who yells back to Mr. Mason.

Elizabeth is sent to the office and tells the principal that Mr. Mason was disrespectful to her.

First of all, Elizabeth did not show respect to the teacher and the learning atmosphere. Maybe Mr. Mason could have handled the situation better, but one fact is clear: Elizabeth did not give respect, and thus did not receive it (at least in her mind). This situation would never have happened if Elizabeth had carried out her responsibilities as a student. She should have taken the leadership in giving the teacher the respect he deserves.

RESPECT THOSE WHO ARE DIFFERENT

If we wish to hate others, we can always find a reason. We can hate them because they are Black, White, Oriental, Hispanic, or Indian. We can hate them because they are Christians, Moslems, Jewish, or Hindu. Other reasons include short, tall, fat, or thin. Some people even hate handicapped people who are blind, deaf, or possess physical handicaps, or mental handicaps. The common factor seems to be “they are different” from my friends and me.

What a tragedy! Every race has people of great “character,” and every race enriches society with wonderful cultures. All fundamental religions teach high quality values and a respect for others. And people of all types contribute to the well being of society.

What are your attitudes about people that are different than you and your friends? This is a question that deserves a good deal of thought. Before you form your final opinions, take the time to explore the cultures and attitudes of others. Make friends and learn. You will be glad you did!

You might ask: If it is wrong to judge people based on their race, religion, etc., then what should our judgments be based on?

Answer: You can’t judge what you don’t know. To make judgments about others you must learn about them. Look at the individual. Form your opinions based on his/her actions. You can form opinions on whether the person’s actions are within the standards of “quality values.” However, don’t be too quick to judge another person! There must be room for differences of opinion.

“I have a dream…that one day my…children, will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skins, but by the content of their character.”

- Martin L. King, Jr. -

RESPECT DIFFERENT OPINIONS

Another reason people sometimes hate others is because they disagree with us on an idea we think is important.

Being tolerant of someone’s ideas and opinions is an important part of the basic value: respect. You may not always agree with the beliefs of another person; but remember, it is possible to be tolerant and disagree.

This doesn’t mean that you should not be forceful and aggressive in pushing your ideas and opinions. If you feel strongly about something, by all means, do your best to state and support your opinions. Try to convince others that your proposals are the best. This is part of good leadership.

However, don’t be afraid to listen to the ideas of others. This is also an essential part of good leadership. Others have good ideas too. And just maybe, working together, even better ideas will emerge.

Example: Sandra, during a Student Council meeting, suggested that the junior high school Spring Dance be opened to high school students. She was dating a high school 10^th grade boy and very much wanted him to attend the dance with her. Jennifer said that this was a bad idea because in the past outside students have caused trouble, including fights and bringing in drugs and alcohol.

Sandra became very angry with Jennifer. She blurted out: “The only reason you don’t want high school students is because you know no high school boys would ever ask a dork like you to go to the dance.”

Sandra has lost any opportunity to intelligently discuss the merits of allowing high school students to attend the dance. She has forced the discussion into the “gutter” by resorting to name calling and a personal insult. Jennifer’s feelings have been hurt, and she may respond with insults aimed at Sandra. This is something she should resist because it will just escalate the problem.

Frankly, Sandra’s hurtful comment has no bearing on Jennifer’s character, but it tells us a great deal about Sandra. Everyone in the meeting, students and teachers, know that Sandra’s comment was insensitive and cruel. Sandra did not give the fundamental value “respect” to Jennifer, and the level of “respect” Sandra can expect to receive from Jennifer, and others who heard the comment, will be less. Sandra will not be seen as a person with strong values.

RESPECT THE LAW

Why is the law important? Without the law there would be great chaos and violence. The strong would terrorize the weak. The value of a person’s life, as well as property, would be very low indeed. Order is essential to the well being of any society. The law provides us with the order we must have to live in harmony.

History is full of examples of the strong terrorizing the weak. Without the strength of law, justice would be impossible. The founders of our form of government created a system of checks and balances that keeps one branch of government from dominating the others. This helps to maintain a framework where order can be maintained and justice can be achieved.

However, even though our basic freedoms are guaranteed by the Bill of Rights, keep in mind that it is not the written word, but the people behind the written word, who must protect our freedoms and rights. The law provides a guide, but people provide the power to make it work. This includes YOU!

We are fortunate to live in a country where the people have the power to create laws and remove laws. We do this through our representatives in government and by voting. If we disagree with a law, we can work to change or remove it. Our ability to convince others will determine whether we will be successful. If we are accused of lawbreaking, the law insists that we be presumed innocent until proven guilty, and we are entitled to our day in court.

Respect the law, and the men and women who enforce it!

The people that enforce the law deserve our respect. The vast majority of them are high quality people who are dedicated to serving their communities. Their job is sometimes difficult, and if they are to be effective in protecting our freedoms and rights, they must have our support.

You may not always agree with a policeman or policewoman, but it is important that you give them your cooperation. If you feel that the police have acted unfairly, the law provides the means for you to challenge their conduct. Don’t do it by using profanity, violence, or resistance. Speak your mind if you wish, but do it with dignity and courtesy.

COMPASSION

Compassion is a feeling we have toward other people who are hurting. It is a feeling of sympathy and the desire to help a person in distress.

Most people naturally feel compassion for family or friends who are going through difficult times. It can be a different matter though when strangers are involved. Many people are insensitive to the needs and feelings of strangers. Cruel and insensitive comments and acts are much easier when there are no personal attachments.

Remember that other people are strangers only because we haven’t had the opportunity, or made the effort, to get to know them. You can be sure that they have feelings, hopes, and desires, just like you. Under the right circumstances, strangers could become your friends.

High quality people show compassion to people in distress, even when the people are strangers. It is understood that you personally cannot help everyone, but you can make sure that you don’t make insensitive comments or take insensitive action that makes another person’s life more difficult. Just be respectful of the feelings and rights of others, even if they are strangers.

RESPECT FOR PROPERTY

We all know that stealing or damaging another person’s property is wrong.

As a person of integrity, you must resist all temptations to take or damage property not belonging to you.

Temptations come in many forms, and sometimes it doesn’t seem that bad. But it is wrong, and no amount of justification will change that fact!

People who steal or damage property do so for many reasons, some of which are:

Ø To obtain a desirable item without having to pay. It could be that they don’t have the money. An honest person would do without. However, the biggest problem is that thieves just don’t have the good character required to earn the needed money and purchase the desired item.

Ø Friends encourage us to steal or damage property. We may think it is something we have to do to be part of the group. This is known as negative peer-pressure. Don’t let others talk you into being dishonest.

Ø Some people just like the excitement and negative recognition that comes with dishonest behavior. This is sad because this type of excitement will eventually lead to the corruption of your character, problems with the law, and unhappiness.

In order to resist temptation, repeatedly remind yourself that in order to become a high quality person, you must honor the basic value: respect. Respect for other people, their property, and yourself. A thief or vandal is a person of low character.

Example: Carl is a “tagger.” A tagger is a person who does graffiti; he/she usually writes a personal nickname or the name of a group he/she identifies with on walls, signs, etc. Carl tagged on the school restroom walls and on student desks. Eric and other students happened to be in the restroom one day when Carl was tagging the wall.

Carl is showing very low values by damaging school property. He is being very insensitive to the feelings and property of others. It will cost the school to remove or paint over the graffiti. What about the school maintenance workers who will be required to do the work? It is “unfair” that they have to do this extra work in addition to their regular job. Carl is an insensitive and uncaring person who does not respect the rights of others!

What about Eric? Eric doesn’t want to be involved with Carl’s criminal act. This is his school too, and he doesn’t like Carl’s insensitive behavior. Should he report it? This is something Eric will have to decide for himself, but he certainly has every right to report Carl to the school administration.

SELF-RESPECT

Up to now our entire focus has been upon the importance of offering proper respect to others. It is equally important for a person to respect himself or herself.

Self-respect comes from personal effort: Effort to develop high personal values. Effort to prepare yourself for a successful career and personal happiness. Effort to “help” rather than “destroy” the well being of others and the community where we live. To quote the U.S. Army, you should strive to “be all that you can be.”

Success and happiness will not be achieved by accident. However, with effort, compassion, and determination your chances are greatly enhanced.

“It is not by accident that the happiest people are those who make a conscious effort to live useful lives. Their happiness, of course, is not a shallow exhilaration where life is one continuous intoxicating party. Rather, their happiness is a deep sense of inner peace that comes when they believe their lives have meaning and that they are making a difference for good in the world.” C Ernest Fitzgerald -

RESPECT FOR THE ENVIRONMENT

Another type of respect is for the environment where we live, whether it is our community, our nation, or our world. We must now accept the fact that we humans are capable of destroying our planet. Can you think of some ways that out planet is being damaged?

If we don’t control our destructive activities, and be more respectful of the environment, then our children, and our children’s children, will suffer great hardships due to pollution of the air and water, as well as other environmental problems. In addition, we must realize that we share this planet with animals, insects, and plant life that now depend on us for their very existence.

The first step in saving our planet is to accept the idea that it is the right thing to do, and it is worth the effort. We need to learn about the harmful things being done, and what each person can do to help. Ask yourself the question: What can I do, or avoid doing, to help our environment?

Care of the planet begins at home, and extends to the school, and everywhere. You can start by:

Ø Not littering (keep your school and community free of unsightly trash or graffiti).

Ø Recycling whenever possible.

Ø Learning about clean air and water.

Ø Trying to influence others to help protect the environment.

QUIZ

Directions: Complete the following exercises. They are not tests, but should be used as a learning tool to help you learn. You should think through a concept and complete the exercise. Then you can immediately find out if you have learned correctly by reviewing the answers at the end of the exercise.

Match the following:

_____listen		a. To be concerned about another person.
_____self-respect		b. The special esteem in which one holds another person.
_____compassion		c. The proper esteem one holds oneself.
_____tolerant		d. To hear while attempting to understand.
_____caring		e. A deep feeling aroused by the distress of others, with the desire to help them.
_____respect		f. Willingness to allow others to believe or act as they judge best.

If a person wants to be respected by others, what must he do for others?

What is the most common factor causing people to hate others?

Why is it important to respect the law?

For a person to have a high level of self-respect, he/she must first develop

high personal _____________.

High quality people show __________________ to people in distress.

True or False

_____ a) The environment has no effect on my life.

_____ b) Respect for the environment is a part of having high values.

_____ c) Throwing trash on the ground has little effect on the

environment.

List at least three things you can do to help our environment:

Answers: 1. d, c, e, f, a, b 2. Must give respect. 3. They are different (i.e. race, religion, opinions) 4. Answers will vary. The law provides order which helps us live in harmony. Without the law, justice would be impossible to achieve. 5. values 6. compassion 7. a. false, b. true, c. false 8. Any of these: Do not litter, recycle, learn more about the environment, try to influence others.

Caring

To be concerned about another person (i.e. rights, feelings, property).

Synonyms: concerned, regard

Antonyms: neglect, unfeeling, disregard

Compassion

A deep feeling aroused by the distress of others, with the desire to

help them.

Synonyms: Concern, empathy

Antonyms: cruelty, harshness

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Courtesy

Considerate behavior.

Synonyms: manners, politeness

Antonyms: disrespect, intolerance

Dignity

The presence of poise and self-respect.

Synonyms: composure, decency

Antonym: degradation

Back to vocabulary

Listen

To hear while attempting to understand. To pay attention.

Synonyms: be attentive, heed

Antonyms: disregard, ignore

Respect

The special esteem in which one holds another person or one’s self.

Synonyms: honor, appreciate

Antonyms: contempt, disdain

Back to vocabulary

Tolerant

Willingness to allow others to believe or act as they judge best.

Synonyms: accepting, patient

Antonyms: bigoted, narrow-minded

Self-Respect

The proper esteem in which one holds oneself.

Synonyms: pride, image, self-esteem

Back to vocabulary

Contents

VOCABULARY

OVERVIEW

GIVE IN ORDER TO RECEIVE

RESPECT THOSE WHO ARE DIFFERENT

RESPECT DIFFERENT OPINIONS

RESPECT THE LAW

COMPASSION

RESPECT FOR PROPERTY

SELF-RESPECT

RESPECT FOR THE ENVIRONMENT

QUIZ

Caring

Compassion

Courtesy

Dignity

Listen

Respect

Tolerant

Self-Respect