Little minds have little worries, big minds have no time for worries - anonymous 03-24-2003 11:51pm As promised, here are more pictures that I took today. I hope you enjoy them even though it is only of boring stuff but certainly an eye candy to me!!! This is what I saw today as I walked the streets of San Pedro. No, I don't know what that weird panel is but I thought it looked pretty cool. Everybody, meet Melissa!!! A scene from the Mall of San Pedro in Costa Rica Do you ever wonder what makes a person keep doing what they do day in and day out? What makes you do what you do? Is it because people tell you you must do it for a better life? Is it because everyone around you seem to have goals and plans? And is it because of that, that you feel the need to continue? Here is why I do what I do, it's because I am a curious person and I want to see what will happen tomorrow. I want to see what will happen tomorrow after I try something new today. I want to see what happens tomorrow if I don't do anything today. I want to see what will happen tomorrow after I work on what I want to do!!!! In other news, I am having breakfast with the most awesome person in the world tomorrow!!! He he he, I can't wait so wish me luck!!! 1:12pm I figured I would just share some more pictures with you since I need to get my money's worth out of my digital camera. Nothing interesting really but at least it shows that I am using my new camera right? I'm actually right now just taking a break from my other "duties" and so just a short message to sat that this morning, I woke up from a phone call from my roommate. Had my usual cup of coffee and began to think of the next project I would like to do. I know I know, it sounds weird considering that I am still working on 3 other projects that I have been working on for a very very long time and still have not completed but I have a short attention span. That is my bane and what makes me so great!!! Click here to return to the main page 03-23-2003 8:36pm Ok, I'm feeling a bit better now. It's nice to have people you trust around and especially to have a best friend. What exactly is a best friend? A best friend is someone you can always rely on and that you can talk to without having to say a word because he just knows how you feel without you having to say anything. Yes, war seems to be on everyone's mind and that is what I am often thinking about. Here I am in what is considered the Switzerland of Central America yet, everyone talks about war, people do demonstrate against it, and of course, pictures and news of the war are constantly shown on TV and the internet. As I was browsing looking for more updates on the war, I ran into this weblog or "blog"(He he he, yes, I am turning into quite a computer nerd!!!!). Anyway I ran into this blog about this person living in Baghdad. A very interesting read that makes you feel, human you could say. How real is this person, I do not know but from what I have read, he seems like a real person living there. So you should definitively check it out: http://dear_raed.blogspot.com In other news, really not much else going on today. It is Sunday and I miss my family. Ihave mostly been watching TV and surfing the net all day long. Oh yeah, I studied a bit of Spanish as well. I have about 65 e-mails I need to reply to but right now, I dont really feel like answering any of them. So I'm sorry to all of you that I have not been answering you but I kind of feel like being left alone in my own thoughts for now. LOL, doesn't mean I don't love all of you so patience. As soon as I feel up to rejoining the world you will hear from me. Oh yeah, here is another site I recommend checking out. Nothing but pictures, but they are great pictures of life. http://54boy.com/ziboyhome.htm 10:17am They are wars in the world in Iraq, Colombia, the Congo and everywhere else you can think of but despite it all, I worry about my own life. Is there something wrong with me for I am so self-centered about my own worries? Do I not realize how good I have it which is why I am the way i am or is it because I do realize and that is why I want to live a full life? Maintenant, je me souvient pourquoi je ne voulait pas me marrier et pourquoi je voulais juste m'amuser avec les femmes et rien de plus. Je me souvient pourquoi je ne voulait pas avoir de sentiment pour les femmes et pourquoi je voulait avoir une personne differente chaque soir. Peut etre que c'est le Karma mais en tout cas, j'en est assez de ca et de c'est chienne. Oui, je suis de mauvaise humeur aujourd'hui et voila la raison: Hier, j'allais juste rester chez moi et relaxer. Je sais que c'etait un samedi mais quand meme, le soir avant j'ai sorti avec quelques amis et j'etait fatiguer. Tout un coup, une demoiselle, on va l'appeller madame A m'appelle. Je l'aimais bien et je pensais qu'elle etait tres sympa. Elle etait sur ma liste de possibilite. Ha! En tout cas, elle m'invite a sortir avec elle, alors, je dit, pourquoi pas meme si ca ne me tentait pas. Elle vient me chercher et elle est avec une amie. Son amie etait aussi sympatique. On va a culb et on danse on s'amuse quoi et apres un bout de temps, on rencontre d'autre personne et on s'amuse tout ensemble. On danse avec d'autre personne et sa va car on s'amuse et c'est tout. Mais quand meme, quand elle commence a baiser un autre gars bon ben je pense que c'etait tout pour moi. Mais, je m suis quand meme bien comporter. Son amie etait un peu inquiete mais ca va car je suis un homme du monde et ca arrive. Alors, je finit ma biere mais j'ai toujours un grand sourire. Alors je dit a son amie que je part car j'en ai assez. Mais comme je suis un peu facher, je decide d'allez a une autre fete ou j'avais ete inviter et je laisse les filles tomber car vraiment, je pense que c'etait un peu rude d'elle. Si elle voulait etre avec d'autre personne, elle avait just a y allez sans moi non? Je suis a une autre fete et s'est meilleur au moins. He he he he, c'est tout ce que j'ai a dire a propos de cette fete la. Le poin c'est que je suis toujours un peu facher car j'aimais bien cette fille la. En tout cas, j'ai essailler d'etre gentil et je me fais enculler dans le process alors maintenant, je reste un chien. Other then that, I feel odd. Like I am wandering through this mist in search of something. I see a light and yet I do not head towards it. Yet, I do not go away from it either. What do I do? I am lost but out of choice. Maybe it's time for a change but I do not feel any motivation to make the changes. Shall I just lay in my puddle of filth? I am in front of my PC and I am listening again to Emma Shapplin. HUm, it seems to be my music of choice as of late. Perhaps I need to smoke one up. I am just rambling and ranting but it is still a beautiful day out today. Maybe I should go fly a kite or throw stones in a lake. So, that's what it's like to feel alone. It's funny, that I go out and do whatever I want, that I have plenty of people that I can go out with at any time of the night or day, that there is always someone that I can talk to but that I still feel as if I am the only who can understand myself even though I do not really understand myself. What is the nature of the beast? What will finally appease the beast that hungers inside for something more. I take a slow drag off my cigarette and I think, am I committing suicide? I mean that is what smoking does to you. I know that I am slowly killing myself but it matters not inside. I am certain that I do not want to die but I am seeking answers to a question I myself do not know. The only time I feel alive is when I go out and get drunk and have sex. Hell, sometimes I even smoke up other stuff I shouldn't. Goodness I am just typing away today. It is time to go. I did not find what the question I was looking for in Costa Rica and perhaps I shall find it somewhere else. Yet, by leavig this country, will it really make a difference? What if the question and the answer is not in another country but within myself? Should I remain and search deep inside my soul? By leaving, am I giving up and running away from my problems? I wish I could blame all of this on being adopted but it would not be true. I wish I could blame everything on God but that would also not be true. I wish I could blame it on my upbringing but that would be a lie. Oh no, the finger is not pointing anywhere. One day, I will die and when I do, I want to die knowing that I tried and that I succeeded. I am tired and exhausted. I feel old and it is time for me to go... 03-20-2003 8:30pm Well, don't really feel like writing today but I'm going to anyway. I'm tired... Derek took me out last night for my birthday and we painted the town red. That's about it. 03-19-2003 1:23pm I was born today. It's my birthday. I found out as well today that my grandfather passed away. Happy birthday to me 03-17-2003 10:03am Morning... Finally I have a somewhat free morning. I feel a bit groggy but I think it is only because I just now woke up. Yes, I think I am addicted to my PC. At least I can think of worst things I could be addicted to!!! Yesterday, I finally saw a movie. Yeah!!! It had been such a long time since I had gone to the movies. I went and saw, "Catch me if you can". Not too bad a flick and quite entertaining. Last night I didn't want to tick around the house but I was tired and did not want to drink either so I sweet talked Maria into seeing a movie with me. Had fun and even had some popcorn and a Coke. P.S. the tico popcorn sucks. No butter and it comes in a sealed plastic bag. Earlier that day I did have my date with Mari and it went by well. LOL, she was only 15 minutes late this time. Not sure what to think about this one. She is nice but she can't hold a conversation very well. At least, not about anything intelligent. I'll give her another chance though because I'm that kind of guy and she looks good too, he he he In other news, Frank and Kris will be coming down soon to Costa Rica so that should be fun. Oh yeah, I messed up last night because as I was going to the movies with Maria, ran into Girl A and even though Maria is just a friend, girl A saw me with her. I think it's alright though because girl A is cool but the thing is that it still looked bad and I really want to get to know girl A better. Then, girl A told me to call her but by the time the movie was over, it was too late to call girl A, so gonna see if I can see girl A tonight and apologize to the best of my abilities. 03-15-2003 7:49pm 4 days til my birthday, yeah!!! or is it booh? Either way, it's a chance to celebrate. Last night I went out with Derek. Didn't really feel like it but since we have a new guest at home. The girl Sandra from Colombia don't feel liks spending too much time there since she is always there. Hum, wonder when she will leave. So we went out, drank came home and I went to bed. I think it was around 2-3am that I fell asleep. I woke up somewhat late around 9am which is bad because I had to meet this girl at Bagelman or breakfast. So I call her up to tell her I'm going to be late and change the time to 10am. So I do the 3 s' and I am at Bagelman at exactly 10am. Grab a cup of coffee, sat on the outside patio and waited for her. I wait but I am enjoying the view and the late morning air. I wait more and the table next to me that was occupied by a local is now occupied by three gringas talking about how they will spend their third day here in Costa Rica. It has now been 45 minutes and I am out of coffee. So I leave and head for the mall of San Pedro. I figure that since I am close to it I might as well head over there get a haircut and do some window shopping. I get a haircut and I try to explain to the best of my abilities how I want my hair done. Quite a feat since we never covered getting a haircut in my Spanish class. At first I am worried because she start with the hair clippers and begins mowing my hair like there is no tomorrow. My fears were for nothing and it doesn't look too bad plus she is friendly. I pay and leave her a few colones for a tip and I start wandering the mall. I come home later that day with a brand new digital camera. Sigh, electronic toys are my bane. Don't worry, as soon as I get a chance I will put some more pictures on my website. So patience. IN the meanwhile, I get a message from my date saying she is sorry she was late. She had some problems at home and did not make it there until 11am. Perhaps I should have waited. No importa, we set up a date for tonight but now that I tihnk about it, I am too tired so I will have to reschedule. I think I will try to change the look of my personal website. Tired of it. So until next time. 03-12-2003 10:35am Oh no, I woke up this morning and when I checked my mail I found out from Frank that my sister, Hoami's apartment had burned down. I don't even know how she is doing and holding up. She now has nothing left but her car, her cell phone, and the clothes she had on her back. She lost ecerything else. I can' get get a hold of her and neither can I get a hold of my parents or anybody else. This is so frustrating and I dont know what to do. I wish I was there for her. Damnit. What a way to wake up. This sucks. Ok, gonna go and try to see if I can reach her again. Pictures from the Atlanta Journal Constitution The story can be read at http://www.accessatlanta.com/ajc/metro/atlanta/0303/12fire.html 11:00am OK, just got an e-amil from my parents to let me know that my sisters are fine. Can you believe that both my sisters were there. Thank God that they had left the house just before the fire started. I am relieved. 03-07-2003 You know, I've been looking at my last few journal entries and I am kind of disgusted with myself. I feel like I am turning into something I dont want to be. I think I need to slow down or just stop it altogether. I'm tired of going to bars and going out to meet different women. Tired of partying all of the time and getting drunk and whatever else. I think its time for me to recapture my stablility and become more responsible. I have things I need to accomplish and I am not doing them by being a pig. From now on, the new me is back. 03-06-2003 I am dead tired. I had a hell of a night yesterday. Went out to this bar to meet a girl for a date. She works at the bar and she is pretty cool. So I was sitting at the bar waiting for he to get off work and talking to the other bartenders and waitresses. She finally got off work and we had a beer together but then she had a phone call and she had to go because an emergency came up. What's a man suppose to do right? So I stayed there to finish my beer and ended up sitting with a few girls that work there just drinking and having a good time. unfortunately, I am a bit of a pig so I was flirting with all of them and buying them drinks(first mistake). Must have over done it with the drinks cause one of them ended up throeing up a couple of times on the floor. Yuck!!! So then the girl I was flirting the most with want sto go dancing and we go but then she wants to go to a million diferent places and we ended up going to a million different clubs. needless to say, I didnt gethome til some ridiculous hour in the morning and now I am dead tired. Looks like President Bush is deadset on getting rid of the Iraq threat. I understand why he feels the need to do what he does and I think that they have been given enough time but it doesnt mean that I want war. He seemed quite emotional in some parts of his speech. Especially when he was answering questions. I'm glad he made a press conference though because I think that the public needs reassurance of what we are doing. The thing is this, its fine and all that people protest that they dont want war. I mean, no one does but then again, no one wants to be attacked or have other acts of terrorism thrown at you either. I dont think that many people realize that he is doing this to protect us in the best way that he feels he can. History will tell... 03-03-2003 10:59pm Costa Rican time. I am home and I am content. I am not going out tonight even though, it is Mardi Gras and an excuse to have a party and go out but I will be a good boy tonight. Today, what did I do, well, I actually got up fairly early. Kind of strange considering I went to bed late. Last night, I actually went out with someone very special and had a spectacular time. We went to this Peruvian restaurant and I got to experience Peruvian food. Quite tasty. LOL, even ate beef heart a la Peruvian. I tihnk I got home around 1am or something and there, all hell broke loose cause a few people were at my house drinking and whatever so I had to partake in it just so I could be a good host. Oh yeah, the stalker was also there so that kind of made it weird but what the heck. I do feel bad for ignoring her most of the night but what is man suppose to do? If I don't like her I don't like her and I wish she would understand that. I mean come on, if after the first night of meeting her she says she is in love with you there is something wrong with that. Right??? 03-02-2003 Another month is already gone. Wow, where does the time go. I am so tired today. I have been out in the past 4 nights in a row and I am beat. Tonight, I am staying home and will try to catch up on some badly needed rest. Went to another birthday party last night. Why do so many people have been having birthdays lately? I'm too old to go to so many parties. The plan was just to go there and have one beer to be social and then go home and relax. Right.... Next thing you know, I am flirting with two girls at once(no name necessary) and then I end up going to a dance club called la luncheria or something. I did have an excelent time with that young lady and I hope to see her again but sometimes, morals dictate that you should not see her again like that even though you want to be see her again. Why is it that you always want want you cant have? it just doesnt make any sense to me. Do I ask for the impossible? Of course not but I have feelings as well and that makes it even harder. In other news, actually, there isn't really much else to say. I am going to be a year older this month. Not sure what I will do on my birthday. LOL, I still can't believe that I will have had two birthdays in Costa Rica. It was never the plan to be in one country for that long a time. Adapet and overcome I suppose.