Redheaded Ramblings
Paige's Diary Entries...
Early Regency Solace/Worth Vialle/Fortunes/Pattern Daeon/Twins/Lilly Coronation/Pregnancy Motherhood/Marius Lucas/Xanadu
On Solace
(End of the second year after the Sundering)She amazes me time after time. Every time I want to write her off like Solange originally did, she shows some previously hidden depth. Take earlier today for example� conversation came round to Martin, as at times it does.
Suddenly I came under attack for my slanders of our cousin's character when I was really joking about how cute the picture of him tied up was, apparently in the wrong company.
Of all people to jump to his defense was Cambina, telling me to be �nice� and then petting me to placate my anger. Nice? A term normally associated with my breasts, not me. She said I couldn't �win� if I wasn't playing. This isn't some game, it's my life and it's a part that's over. It was never a game, but perhaps I didn't take it seriously enough.
"I swear, Paige, for someone who's so naturally good at reading the future you've got a blind spot the size of Kolvir about yourself."
While one has to take it at face value that her primary upbringing by that harridan Harmony was "Marrying Well 101", it doesn't change that she can explain even to a bear of little brain like myself why her reasoning is sound and what she doesn't understand about mine.
She's a wonderful mother to Hope, and with enough influence exerted, which includes keeping Harmony busy outside the Castle, I think we can save Hope from her grandmother's views. She is to be our Hope, the youngest of the Powers.
Paige
On Worth
(Written at Jones Falls, after Worth's birthday)"We're at sea without a chart girl. Let's go slow enough to watch out for shoals."
The story of my whole life it seems. Damn the shoals! I want to sail fast and free� Let's get to deep water so we don't have these worries. Of course in this little fantasy it would be running off to Shadow, and while I could be convinced, I doubt that the "shoals" wouldn't come looking for me.
OK, I'm going to drown with these metaphors, he he, but he's not a captain, or even the ship that keeps me afloat...
He's a lighthouse,
A beacon in the dark hours before dawn,
The warning that...I love the strength of your chin as I say something stupid, the way your eyes speak more than your warm mouth. The way that the world melts away when I'm alone, in your arms. Can this ever work?
I helped kill your son, and your wife. I've seduced your daughter. Yet you can still be my lover. You're more man than most I've met. You deserve better than I, but I can't take myself from you.
... that keeps me from the shoals.
Somehow you can be what I was destined to be, but can't fulfill, a noble servant of Amber. So, I'll ignore the sirens of the City like Vesper and yes, even Felicity, and guide myself by your example and light.
Love? I'm done with that thrice damned word... Friend, companion... those you deserve and more.
Paige
P.S. Solange, I promise I'll never hurt him out of spite. But he knows that I can run a ship aground as easily as he can steer it from the harbor. You should've told me, "No," when I first asked. He's years that I need to understand, or I've years he can help me understand. So what happens when Father returns? Will the stories of the Lady and her Lover make the broadsheets? Will he decide Worth beneath me, when I find him so far above?
Last updated 07/31/2002 - Created. Comments?
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