EC74 arrived in Antigua on Saturday. There are 6 new volunteers in this group, so we're up to 17 for the time being until Casey and Jaime (EC70) leave in April and May. Two of the new volunteers are my neighbors - Clifford is homestaying with my landlords and it is intended that he will move into the apartment next door, and Doe is staying with the Irishes across the street, and will be moving into the apartment in their home. On Monday Doe asked me to walk her around the village, so I took her out to the edge of town, where lo and behold, we found Clifford lounging on one of the beach chairs at the Carlisle Bay resort! Didn't take him long to find his way around! So we all walked back where I left them to continue on with the training activities that they were expected to complete for the day (making a community map, talking with people in the community, etc.)

I believe that everything works together to lead us where we need to go. I set a course in motion and it led me here. This is not the destination; it’s only a part of the path. There are other paths that could take me where I’m going. What this one does is give me a chance to slow down and re-evaluate the circumstances of my life. Such as, how do I want to spend my time, what things are worth my energy and what wastes it, which possessions are meaningful to me and which aren’t, who are the people that need to be in my life (those who love and support me), and who are those that I need to separate myself from (those who are draining and self-centered), what are the ways that I can be of service, how can I contribute to the global well-being of our world, what can I do to feel closer to God and to allow God to work through me to touch others?

I had a revelation a few months ago that was quite remarkable. I had read this in many of my books and knew it “in theory”, but one day I understood it as if it came to me from out of my core. It was a feeling, an intuition, more than it was a thought. I knew at once that I was being taken care of, that everything was ultimately working for me in my best interests, towards the best possible outcome. There is a great helplessness in believing that nothing happens that we don’t cause – that everything we have we either worked for or got by luck or theft, that there are no guarantees – in work, in financial matters, in relationships, in “acts of God”, that every man is out for themselves and you have to take what you can get because you’re in competition with the next guy who is trying to take it before you do. Life is hopeless and meaningless and incredibly hard when you have to fight for what you get. What I suddenly knew was that this line of thinking is completely and totally incorrect. We are all in this together; whatever we do for one we do for everyone. And the best part of it all is that God is in all of it. I have no worries because God always provides for me. I always have work when I need it. I always have a comfortable, safe home. I always have love in my life. To worry now about what I am going to do when I leave here is fruitless because the perfect opportunity will present itself when the time is right. Things and people and circumstances are already in motion to provide me with everything that I need. The realization of all of this gave me the most incredible feeling of peacefulness and happiness, like I have never felt before. And it has never left. When I forget, when I am frustrated or tired or anxious, I have only to remind myself of what I already know and the feeling returns. This is not denial or positive thinking; this is, like I said, a knowledge from my core.

It is difficult to explain my concept of God, probably because I am only beginning to understand it myself, and also because I believe God to be something much larger than our own comprehension. But simplistically, God is not an individual being. God is the thread in the fabric that runs through and connects everything, and is everything. God is the universal consciousness and more, every person living and dead, we are eternal. Some people say that God is Love, although I can’t say that I fully comprehend that statement. God’s desire for us is only good, but we have been given the free will to do as we please. We each came here with a plan for what we wanted to accomplish, but it is only a guide, not a direction. We each have varying degrees of success and have as many times as we need to accomplish what we set out to do.

What passes for religion is man’s interpretation and dogma. Any religion that claims that you can only get to God through them and their clergymen is false. It is a matter of control and a fight for power. God is in each of us and available to each of us at any time in the beauty of a flower, a kind act, a child’s smile. If we listen to our hearts we know what is right, but we have to learn to sort out our own selfishness, which of course is not all that easy. I find that if I can put my thinking mind aside, I know what is true. It doesn’t come to me from logic. It comes from within and rises to the surface of my consciousness until I am aware of the truth. If it hurts or angers me, I may have to just let it be for awhile, and trust that something better is ahead, that perhaps this path has to come to a conclusion before another can present itself. That is more or less where I am with my end of service approaching here. To fight what is apparent before me only causes pain. But to release myself from the grief and anxiety of wanting to know what will happen next, allows me to enjoy my remaining time here and move forward with positive momentum.

My grandest wish would be to give everyone the gift of God. I am not a proselytizer and have no intentions of going around trying to preach the gospel, mostly because I believe that it isn’t the written word that matters. It is being who we are, compassionate, loving beings. The truth that I know is nothing that I read or heard in a sermon. It is only what I know when I listen to my Soul. If I could find a way for others to find that same truth, that is what I would do.

Life is so much harder when you have no faith in anything outside of yourself. I feel so fortunate to have been given this gift.

Spent the first weekend in March in St. Maarten sailing in the Heineken Regatta. It's as large as Sailing Week, with over 200 boats participating in numerous classes. Bernie has finally found the optimum configuration for our boat that takes best advantage of the boat's rating and performance, and that is to sail without a spinnaker, and instead using 2 headsails on the downwind legs. As a result, we won our class, Non-Spinnaker 2, finishing in 1st place after 3 days of sailing in a class of 11. On the first day, Bernie promised to take a sponsor along and with the light winds, Huey Too would have been overloaded with so many crew, so George and I stayed onshore and saw a bit of the island, then sailed the next 2 days as planned. Still light winds, but we were able to sail well regardless. Saxman bought Rasta hats for everyone, so before the races and across the finish we all wore dreads - it was fun.

The trip over from Antigua took 15 hours with the wind dying about 5 hours into the trip, forcing us to motor the rest of the way there. The trip back took 13 hours, with beautiful conditions and one long tack the entire way. We sailed at night, with crewmembers taking turns at the helm. Sint Maarten / Saint Martin are 2 countries on one small island. Philipsburg in the south is the capital of Sint Maarten, the Dutch side, and Marigot in the north is the capital of Saint Martin, the French side. There are 2 different languages spoken and 2 different currencies used, although English is spoken and US dollars are used on both sides. We arrived on Thursday, allowing a day for shopping and getting settled in before the races began on Friday. The big draw to the island is that it is a duty-free port, so people come from all over the Caribbean to shop there. For my part, there really wasn't anything there that I couldn't get in the US, and I'm already in the position of having too much to haul back anyways, so I bought only one small picture, but I can understand the draw if you lived elsewhere. The shopping in Antigua (and we're one of the more developed islands) is terrible. The variety and quality of goods that are available for purchase here is very limited and very expensive. There are no department stores, no malls, no Targets or Sears or Home Depot or Best Buy. So when you go somewhere like St. Maarten, a place that is based on consumerism (and duty-free at that), well, I guess you tend to go a bit crazy, and that's what many people did. Otherwise, I wasn't all that impressed with the island - like Antigua, it had only 2 lane roads, but much more traffic and irate drivers. It was very dry, not lush and tropical. They did a better job at beautifying the tourist areas, but beyond that it was still pretty dirty with trash indiscriminately thrown anywhere. Maybe I'm losing the mystique of the Caribbean. Or maybe I haven't gone to the right places…

The welcoming picnic for EC74 was held on Saturday, with all but 1 of the volunteers and many of the homestay families attending. It was held at Ffreys Beach, a beach that I have seen many times from the water, but had never been to.

On Sunday, George, Casey and I hiked the path through Body Ponds, starting in Swetes, down to the ponds in a valley near the center of the island, then out through the villages of Bendals and Emanuel coming out on the main road south near Creekside. Again, an area that I had not been to before. We find that people out in the country tend to be much friendlier than others that we've met. As we were walking down the dirt road with no one else around, a lone Rasta came walking towards us. He was carrying a cutlass (machete), the standard tool used for weeding, clearing a trail, pruning bushes, cutting open a coconut, trimming sugar cane, etc. etc. He was quite friendly, engaging us in conversation about where we were from and where we were headed, giving us directions on how to get through the next village. Then in Bendals, we stopped at a bus stop (which wasn't in operation on Sunday) for shade and a place to sit and eat our snacks. The church across the street was just letting out and one of the members came over to talk to us and told us about the area and the reforestation and conservation efforts that they had underway. It was a nice day, although the trip home was a bit of an ordeal, as buses don't run all the way to Old Road on Sundays so I had to hitch hike, wait a long time for a ride, and walk part of the way to get there. I was pretty beat by the time I arrived home and slept most of the afternoon after that!

Recycling here means putting the scraps out for the animals. Whatever the dogs won't eat, the goats will.

Spring Break is officially here. The college is closed for the next week, so I have the time off. I plan to be doing some hiking, going to the beach, bushwhacking with the Antigua Hash House Harriers, and taking a vacation to St. Vincent where I hope to go scuba diving and hike a volcano, and will be staying with fellow volunteers in their home. It looks to be an adventurous week and perfect timing for a break from work.

This term I ended up with 2 college courses, and a 3rd course conducted through the Ministry of Education for primary and secondary school teachers. That class really challenges me as I have 18 students enrolled, half of whom have never used a computer before, and they all require individual attention. With no assistance, the class is really dragging because I don't want to leave anyone behind. Some days it feels like we've hardly accomplished anything, but so far I'm getting nothing but positive feedback. Last week I had them all create free email accounts (it took the entire class period), then send me a short message so I could collect their addresses. Each one had something good to say about how they're enjoying the class and learning a lot, so that really helped to get me over the feeling of being overwhelmed with so many students and worrying about whether anyone was getting anything out of the class.