AND HERE'S MORE TESTIMONY:

"These U-SLEX pills SAVED MY LIFE. Not too long ago, I had hit a new low in MENTAL DEPRESSION. At first, I tried to drown my sorrows in beer at my local bar and grill. After several hours of unsuccessfully trying to forget my woe, I finally decided to commit suicide. A friend of mine there at the bar suggest that if I was actually going through with it, I should take a whole bottle of these pills and chase them down with straight vodka. He assured me that it would be quick and painless. Well, I went right out and bought a bottle and after taking them with the vodka chaser, I promptly fell asleep. The next morning I woke up alive and absolutely UNHARMED. Thanks to U-SLEX I now have reason for living: to track down that so called 'friend' and reap sweet REVENGE!"
             Darrell Sobstortel
             -loser

"Many of my patients are wealthy old ladies suffering from ACUTE HYPOCONDRIA, I prescribe U-SLEX to them for use as an excellent placebo. They have no equal- and absolutely no AFTEREFFECTS. If it weren't for these pills, I would be out in the street selling wind-up walking dolls."
             DOCTOR Namewith Held Byrequest
             -medical quack