| Part 12 | Disclaimers |
Spoilers in this part: Nil
Christmas Eve..
Daniel waited in the coffee shop portion of the bar beside the restaurant that he and Paul liked to frequent. He watched the street for Paul, wondering if he would make it or be late. He couldn’t believe the snow outside; how fast it had fallen, how cold the day had become so suddenly. Christmas Eve and all the world was preparing for the day to come. Lovers were united in warmly lit rooms, before roaring fireplaces. They were snuggled together drinking mulled wine and sipping eggnog.
Daniel felt the chill through the pane of glass beside him but he continued to crane his neck to look for Paul. He hadn’t expected him to show up – not tonight - but when he got the call from the airport his heart did feel a lifting of weight. He’d been wishing that this Christmas might be different for him than the others, that he’d have someone to wake with in the morning, someone to wish him Merry Christmas as they cuddled together away from the cold world outside. Even if it wasn’t the ‘right’ someone, now it looked like he’d get his wish after all.
He had plans to join Janet, Siler and Cassandra for lunch tomorrow but now that all depended on Paul. Would he want to go? He’d come all the way from Washington to see him, so maybe they’d give it a miss. For once Daniel wouldn’t mind that. Beside, he wasn’t in the mood to see Jack.. and Sam.. and he knew they would be there too, and he still wasn't convinced that there wasn't anything was going on between them.
When Paul called him from the airport to tell him he had to see him, Daniel had first offered to cook dinner for them in his apartment but Paul had declined that, stating that he’d rather meet in the restaurant’s coffee shop instead. Still Daniel had made a quick tidy of his apartment, knowing that their dates always led back there.
Finally, a taxi pulled up at the curb and a man alighted, hunched against the snow. Paul entered the lobby and Daniel rose from the cubicle he was waiting in, waved to catch his date’s attention then smiled and sat again. Paul came up and slipped into the booth opposite him.
“Sorry I’m late,” the major said, taking a paper napkin from the dispenser and drying his face with it.
“Don’t apologize,” Daniel smiled. “I didn’t expect you’d fly all this way to spend Christmas with me. It’s so good to see you.”
"It's good to see you're looking a lot better!" Paul gave his friend a smile then looked at him from under his wet lashes as he admitted, “But you might not be so glad to see me when I tell you why I came.”
“Oh?”
Concern filled Paul’s face as he sat forward, his hands clasped together. “It's something I was trying to tell you the other day.. though it's even more definite now than it was back then.."
Daniel cocked his head to listen intently. Paul gave a soft nervous cough and continued, "I haven’t really come to spend Christmas with you, is that okay?” He flinched uncomfortably.
Daniel frowned but shrugged. They weren’t a couple so he really had no right to feel disappointed, even though he did, a little.
Paul went on to say, “I had to deliver something to the Base, that’s what’s taken so long, but I also have something to tell you.”
Paul’s face lit up so much on that last sentence that Daniel wondered what he could have to say. “By that smile I’d say it was good news?”
Paul shrugged. “I guess that just depends on where you’re sitting on this matter.”
“Matter?”
Another smile burst over Paul’s face and he ducked his head slightly. “For me, the news is.. incredible.”
“You’ve got a promotion?”
Again the other man laughed as he scrunched up the damp napkin in his hand then placed it on the table. “Ah, no. this is even more amazing than that, if you can believe that.”
Daniel felt his heart plummet through to his stomach. Suddenly he didn’t need to ask what the smile was caused by. It was obvious. Only one thing could make Paul smile like that. “Lockston?” he asked tightly.
An elated laugh bubbled from the other man. “It just..” Paul caught his breath on a happy sigh then shrugged. “Happened.. Finally.. after all this time..”
Daniel tried to appear happy for him in the face of his own disappointment. He got some reprise when the waiter walked over and placed two coffees before the men, temporarily blocking his view of the absurdly happy man opposite him. Paul frowned at the sudden show of coffee so Daniel explained, “I took the liberty of ordering for you and told the waiter to bring them over when you arrived.” The young waiter smiled at Daniel then nodded towards Paul before he collected up Daniel’s empty cup. Paul watched the tall, fair and handsome man go then he turned back towards his companion.
Daniel was studying his drink but didn’t need to look at Paul to know he was waiting expectantly for a response. “I’m happy for you.” He said finally, sounding anything but.
Paul’s smile vanished like someone had slapped his face. “I can hear that.” He looked out at the street as he toyed absently with the coffee cup before him.
Daniel looked up and saw the disappointment in his friend’s profile. “Sorry,” he said with a forced smile. “Really, I am. It’s a bit of a shock, that’s all.” He felt foolish for cleaning his apartment now.
Paul was enthused again. He returned his attention to Daniel and his eyes shone once more with the glee bubbling within him. Still he restrained himself enough to not come off as an excited child on Christmas, even though he was. He was obviously shooting for nonchalant, only just falling short of it, when he said, “It’s probably not the best timing – Christmas Eve and all…”
Daniel scoffed, “It’s not like I was expecting you to turn up, Paul.”
Paul shrugged. “I tried to tell you the other day when I was at the Mountain, but with your collapse and everything..." Daniel didn't need to say anything, his darting eyes spoke volumes. He sipped his coffee silently and left Paul to ramble on nervously, "Maybe I should have written to tell you. I thought about it but I thought that it might be a bit.. I don’t know, callous, or something.”
Daniel thought it would have been kinder to have his heart wrenched from his body in the privacy of his own apartment than to be out here, on Christmas Eve, surrounded by strangers, and, more importantly, face-to-face so that any disappointment would show.
“Then I thought about just telling you over the phone but you never did call me..." If Daniel didn't know better he could have sworn there was reproach in Paul's voice on that point.
"Ah." The younger man nodded as he bowed his head and sat forward over his cup. "I got distracted..."
Paul 's head bobbed sharply. He knew how easy Daniel got distracted. "Well then I remembered how you felt about receiving news over the phone anyway, so it wouldn't have been the most ideal way to drop the news.."
Daniel muttered against the lip of his cup, "Always makes it worse.." He stared over Paul's right shoulder as he drank.
Paul was nodding in agreement. “So when the job came up it was as if Fate had stepped in, giving me the opportunity to tell you, face-to-face..” Paul’s expression was sincere. He really did think this was the best approach.
Daniel felt guilt rise though him like a hot flame. “Thanks,” he mumbled dryly.
“Dan? You’re okay with this, aren’t you?” Paul reached across to touch his hand to Daniel’s forearm.
The archaeologist nodded, sighed then tilted his head and said, “I am, really I am.” This time he sounded more convincing. It had just been the shock. “I’m just.. surprised, that’s all…”
Sitting back in his seat Paul laid an arm along the back and said, somewhat cockily, “We both knew the possibility of this moment would come.” He spoke with half a laugh, displaying his discomfort about the situation. “Actually there was a point there that I thought you’d be kissing me off.. not the other way around. I just never thought Lockston would…” He stopped talking when he noticed the way Daniel traced the tip of his finger around the lip of his cup, as if he wasn’t interested, or listening. Paul leaned forward again and said, more brusquely, “Look, Daniel, we went into this thing with our eyes open. I’m sorry if you’re hurting right now.”
The younger man looked up and met the green eyes. He could see that Paul was getting agitated that he seemed to be taking this badly.
“I’m not hurting,” Daniel said, lifting his chin proudly. He cleared his throat and explained, calmly, “I was surprised, but then you’ve just gone on and on without giving me the opportunity to say anything ..” Daniel curbed himself from any further onslaught. The attack, as light as it was, seemed to have gotten through to the other man.
Paul blinked a few times then settled back in his seat. As he rubbed his forehead with the tip of his thumb he laughed self-consciously and said, “I guess I was a little.. uptight.. I was nervous about how you’d take it.”
Daniel pushed aside his feelings and smiled as he brought his cup to his lips. Flatly, he told him, “I’m taking it just fine, though you’ll excuse me if I don’t ask for details.”
“That’s okay,” Paul said, beaming again. “I’m not about to give them anyway.” Daniel nodded silently. Paul watched him a moment then looked out the window again. “I have to get back to the base, they have a helicopter ready for me.”
“You’re going already?” Daniel watched him slip out of the booth.
“I think it’s best.” The Major shrugged. “Under the circumstances-”
The seated man arched his brow in an instant and sighed. It was obvious that Paul was leaving to spend his Christmas with his new lover. “I guess you’re right.”
Paul rubbed a nervous hand along his thigh. “So how do we end this? I mean, with a handshake, a hug?”
Daniel tilted his head and looked up at Paul. “I think we just did.”
Paul blinked as then nodded slowly. If he was disappointed that this was how they were to end their eight month affair he didn’t show it. Instead he tried to keep things friendly. “Okay. Well, I’ll see you on base..”
“Bye, Paul,” Daniel said with a polite smile.
For a moment Paul wondered if it was faked. “Bye, Daniel. And.. thanks.”
The golden brows arched. “For?”
Unabashedly, Paul’s face softened and his eyes grew moist as he spoke, passionately, “For an incredible eight months.” He swallowed then smiled again before adding, "For a friendship that I hope survives this.."
Daniel felt his throat clamp. He was glad to see that he’d touched some part, some miniscule corner, of Paul Davis’ heart – even if their whole relationship wasn’t about that at all. He nodded numbly but didn’t speak again, even as Paul wished him a Merry Christmas and left.
He didn’t watch Paul go from the table. He stared into his coffee instead, trying not to feel like he’d lost more than he really had. It was a confusing time for him. Was losing Paul that big an issue or was the fact that he was alone again a bigger disappointment? Perhaps it was it just the abysmal timing?
In a flash, an image of Paul making love to another man before an open fire scorched across Daniel's mind. He shut down that thought immediately. Maybe it would just be the sex he'd miss....
After some time the young waiter came by, stopping beside Daniel to ask, “Can I get you anything else?” Daniel blinked and looked up through miserable eyes. He shook his head without speaking and the young man offered him a sympathetic smile before he moved off.
Daniel went back to his pondering, aware that he was brewing a headache. Paul was right about two things. It had been an incredible eight months and Daniel desperately hoped that they would remain friends. The second was that they'd both entered into this 'relationship' as a stop-gap between what they wanted and what they needed fulfilled. Therefore Daniel knew he had no come back. No line of recourse. It could have easily been him giving Paul the same kind of speech, if someone were foolish enough to actually be attracted to him. He thought he would have described it better than a ‘kiss-off’, however, but he understood that Paul was nervous. When the disappointment settled Daniel knew would see that it wasn’t the end of his world. He’d lived through that already. Jack had turned his back on him and Daniel had survived that. He could survive this, too.
He sighed and stirred his coffee. It was tepid now, not really how he liked to drink it, but he didn’t have the heart, nor the energy, to bother to order another. If he finished this he could head for home, take his misery and his headache with him. He’d decided definitely now not to go to Janet’s for lunch. He didn’t want to turn up alone. Janet and Siler were dating, and with Sam and Jack seemingly together it was too much for him. Teal’c had gone to the Land of Light, preferring to be with his family than to stay in a world that paid homage so excessively to a ‘god’ that had no real validation in many people’s eyes.
So with that decision made he had to face the reality that he didn’t want to wake up alone tomorrow morning either. He cast his gaze around the room picking out the couples and the lonely amongst the booths in the coffee shop as he considered his options.
Maybe..
Daniel twisted his head and looked across the cafe towards the adjoining bar. Maybe a night in there would ease his troubled mind. He hadn’t gotten really drunk in a long time, and he’d heard a whisper that, after a certain time of the evening, this particular bar was a good place for finding people of the same persuasion. He doubted that tonight would be any different.
He sat and thought about that for a moment. Deciding he didn't want risky sex just for the sake of it, he made the decision to just go in there, have a few drinks and enjoy the fact that no woman in a slinky black or red dress would come up and start small-talk with him.
Wondering if the whispers were right, he also wondered if he could bring himself to walk into such a place, to be so open about his ‘persuasion’. What if he saw someone he knew in there? He tapped the spoon on the edge of his cup before putting it onto the table. With both elbows propped onto the table he sipped the cooling coffee slowly and thought about that. Suddenly a smile twitched on his lips as he put the cup down. So what if he saw someone in there? If they were in there they would hardly be in the position to confront him, would they? Who knew how many like-minded souls wandered the halls of the Mountain, isolated in their secrecy like he was. Maybe this could be the start of a beautiful friendship with another co-worker...
He thought about Paul, recalled the times they'd told each other they were best friends. He hoped that wouldn't change now and regretted some of his reaction to Paul's news. He glanced towards the Bar and pondered the prospects a little longer.
When his drink was almost finished he moved out of the booth, the leather of the seat creaking under him as he slipped out. He made his way into the adjoining bar and stood at the far end of the long counter, waiting for service. An attractive man, late twenties, Daniel guessed, and looking so much like Skaara might with a short hair cut, came up and smiled at him. For a moment, Daniel was convinced it was Skaara, until the boy/man spoke. His voice was deeper than the young Abydonian’s, and unmistakably American.
“What'll it be, Mac?”
“Uh, It’s Daniel, and I’d like a … scotch.. please.”
The boy/man eyed him up and down then said, “On the Rocks, are you?”
For a split second Daniel thought he was referring to his life as being ‘on the rocks’ but then he realized the barman was referring to the Scotch. “How did you know?”
“It’s my job-” And with a flash of a wide, white-teeth smile, he was gone. Daniel looked around the room, it didn’t look particularly ‘persuasion orientated’ he mused to himself, and he even spotted a few hetero-couples, sitting with their heads together, talking over the din of easy-listening music and conversation that filled the bar at that time of the evening. “There you go, Daniel.” The barman returned; brushing his hand against Daniel’s as he took the money off the mat on the bar between them.
“Thank you.” Daniel took his drink and turned from the bar. The room wasn’t overly full but there didn’t appear to be any seats left, until a man and a woman got up from where they were sitting and left the bar. Daniel moved over to their empty table, pushed their abandoned glasses aside and sat down. It was a good spot, affording him an uninterrupted view of the rest of the bar. He sipped the scotch slowly, enjoying the warmth it sent down his gullet. It was a good scotch too, not the usual cheap sort one found in places like this where the only reason the bar could stay open was because of the restaurant it was attached to. He lowered his head and cupped the glass in both hands.
Paul’s let-down had been polite, friendly and left them both in the right state to continue the friendship between them from this point on. Daniel just missed the thought that they could meet up and go back to his place… He sighed heavily and a voice behind him said, “That sounds bad..”
Daniel twisted to see the barman wiping the next table down.
“Worse than that,” Daniel told him with his best smile before he turned back to his drink.
The barman stepped up to the table and collected the left over glasses. “Well, I took ‘Troubles of the customer 101’ in Bar School..”
Daniel glanced around the dive. “They have a school for this kind of thing?”
The young man smiled. “Sure. What? Do you think we’re all just out-of-work actors?”
Daniel laughed at that. “In this town? I’d say you were *very* out of work.”
“You need a refill.” He pointed to the glass.
“You took ‘Drumming up business 101’ as well, I take it,” Daniel said as he passed over his glass.
The young man laughed throatily. “Hey, it’s a talent. I’m Eric, by the way.”
“Daniel, though you already knew that…” Daniel said, as the young man laughed again when he introduced himself – again.
Eric moved around to the back of the bar now and refilled Daniel’s glass. He was still close enough that they could hold a conversation across the bar. “I haven’t seen you here before, have I?”
The archaeologist smiled. He doubted the bar man could remember every face that came in, but it was a polite conversation starter. “No. Not before.”
“But let me guess, you were stood up at dinner by your date so you thought you’d come in here to work off the steam?”
Daniel smiled again. “Not.. quite..”
Eric returned with the drink. As he sauntered over to Daniel’s booth - a decidedly sexy swagger, Daniel had to admit to himself - Eric smiled companionably at the patron then placed the drink on the table. Leaning forward slightly and lowering his voice to make the conversation private, he said, “So, you got the Dear John treatment instead? The ‘I hope we can still be friends’ speech.”
“God, am I that transparent?” Daniel asked, in genuine surprise.
Eric straightened up, took the bill from Daniel and shook his head as he said, “I just tend the Bar… and I learn a few things along the way.” He paused to cast his eyes around the bar. “No one willingly walks into this place.. without the need for a good, stiff .. drink..”
The purse of lips and flicker of golden brows indicated that Eric had hit the nail on the head with his assessment of Daniel’s evening, right down to the good stiff.. drink.
Daniel stared at him then, in a voice hushed to remain private and not to be sexy, he asked, “So you just tend the bar, do you?” He couldn’t believe his brazenness, but it felt good as he smiled and fluttered his lashes in am mixture of sweetness and nervousness.
The young man smiled apologetically, hesitated then replied, in the same hushed tone to keep the rejection just between them, “I have a girlfriend..”
“Ah-” Daniel nodded as his smile changed to a flush of embarrassment while he sipped his drink.
It was a few hours later when Eric's shift ended and he was ready to go home. As his replacement came on he whispered to him, “Look after that one for me, Randy-” He indicated towards Daniel. “His name’s Daniel. He got the big kiss off tonight so he's drowning his sorrows...”
The other barman winced in sympathy then sighed in his effeminate way as he looked for this 'Daniel'. “Maybe I should go and soothe his furrowed brow.." When he spotted Daniel he almost choked. "Heavens! He's a honey!”
Eric twisted and smiled at the lone figure in the booth at the other end of the bar. "He's very nice. We've had a few chats.."
Primping himself, Randy said, "Maybe I should go over there and.."
Eric stopped his enthusiastic friend by placing a hand on his shoulder. “Though he did try to pick me up, I don’t think you’re his type.”
Randy feigned mortal indignation and they both laughed. With a reassuring pat he told Eric, “I’ll look after your lame duck, Duckie. Tsk! Ain't it a crime the way you attract them!" As he watched his friend shrug into his heavy coat he said, “You’ll have to teach me your secret.”
Eric just smiled, the kind of smile that might land him a commercial for toothpaste one day if he kept up his modeling. “Natural sex appeal,” he told his good friend before he went to the back door.
Randy sighed and muttered, “Don’t I know that, sugar cakes!”
“Merry Christmas!”
“Same to you, Darl. Get that girl of yours to give you head for me!”
"Hey it's Christmas, I'll even tell her to swallow for you!"
Randy made approving noises as he licked his lips. "You're too good to me!"
Eric’s laughter trailed off as the door swung closed behind him.
As someone slipped themselves into his booth Daniel looked up through slightly alcohol-blurred eyes. He didn’t recognize the face. “Can I help you?” He asked of the over-weight man opposite him.
“Wanted to know if I could buy you a drink, son,” the stranger slurred in a thick Southern accent.
“Ah, I currently have one, thanks,” Daniel said, aware of what was going on. He wasn’t that drunk, yet.
“Then perhaps I could interest you in something else?” The man wheezed as he brushed his leg against Daniel’s beneath the table.
With a flinch Daniel moved away from the touch and said, “No, I’m fine thanks.”
A fat hand, with stubby fingers and a notable wedding band, reached across the table towards Daniel’s wrist. “Come on, a handsome man like yourself, sitting all alone on Christmas Eve….” For a second Daniel imagined the sex with this man -sweaty, disgusting. His stomach lurched.
“Look, I’m really not..” He tugged away forcibly.
“Daniel-” Randy stood at the end of the table now and smiled at him like he was his best friend. Daniel frowned and was about to ask him if they knew each other when the old Southerner got up out of the booth and stomped away.
Finally Daniel tilted his face a little further and said, “I’m not that drunk. I don’t know you, do I?”
Randy smiled as he perched into the booth with him. “No, you don’t, Sugar. My name’s Randy and I’m your bar tender for the rest of the evening.” He held out his hand. Daniel, somewhat confused, shook the offered hand. “Eric told me your name. Told me to keep an eye on you.”
Daniel frowned. “That was kind of Eric,” he said, not happy that his situation had been gossiped about between the bar staff.
“That’s Eric, Sugar. He looks out for the stray lambs.”
The slightly out-of-focus blue eyes scanned the bar. “I take it he’s off duty now.”
With a sigh Randy said, “Yes, off home to that woman of his. I swear it’s a corporeal shame! Such a waste!”
Daniel smiled slightly at that. Normally it was said the other way around. “I’m sure he’s happy.”
“Yes, Duck, so am I, but are we?” Randy huffed dramatically.
As he tilted his glass slightly Daniel said, “I’m a little better than I was when I came in tonight.”
“Only a little?” Randy pouted lips that were obviously glossed with some kind of clear gloss.
“I don’t really like to get drunk,” Daniel explained. “I like this nice hum..”
“Ah,” Randy smiled, knowing the hum Daniel meant. “Well, I ought to get back to work. I’ve done my Knight in Shiny Armor stint now.”
Daniel laughed. The effeminate, gangly man was the last person he’d consider his Knight. Someone solid, handsome like Jack.. yes, but this man was far from that image. Still, he had saved him from the other man. “I thank you.” Daniel held his hand out to shake Randy’s but the cheeky barman turned it, placed a kiss on the back of it and then lifted his eyes to meet Daniel’s as he purred, “Yum,” against the skin. Despite the effeminacy, Daniel felt a stirring in the pit of his stomach. He gently took his hand back and watched as Randy moved to the bar to serve patrons who had been patiently waiting for him.
Settling back in his booth Daniel tilted his head until it came to rest against the cold glass window. He stared at the drifting snow, watching the people outside hurry into cabs and awaiting cars. He couldn’t believe how cold it was when suddenly the irony of that hit him. On their first night together Paul told Daniel that it would be a cold day in hell before he’d land Lockston – it seemed he was right after all! Closing his eyes, Daniel breathed out slowly, wondering if his wish would ever come true.
“Beer.”
The voice cut through the din of music and conversations around him. Daniel’s eyes popped open and he sat up straighter, searching the bar for the voice. It was Jack’s voice, he was sure of that. But what would Jack be doing out on Christmas Eve, his first with Sam, in a gay bar? Daniel’s heart thudded hard against his ribs as he searched for Jack, but he never found him in the crowd. It took a moment but he slumped against the window again, certain that he’d imagined, or mistook, the voice.
End of part twelve
| Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 |Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 |Part 14 |
Rights held by Nessessitee –Mar 2003