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Iceman Dialogues with Miscellaneous X-Characters
Iceman telemarketing a rap CD to Dazzler
"I got Funky Mo-D and the Hellatron Gang. They like big butts. And, they cannot lie. These other brothers can't de-nie. When a girl walks in with anitty bitty waist and a--"
"Bobby, stop. I beg of you. Stop. You're whiter than Vanilla Ice."
"Hey, now, that's just uncalled for. No one is whiter than Vanilla Ice. Ice. Baby... Dooo Dooo Doo Do Do Do Do!"
"I'm hanging up now..."
"Not before you order the Best of Rap '95!"
"95? Isn't that a little old?"
"Why is that old? Just because the Professor can't remember that far back doesn't mean it's old."

Iceman shows up Wolverine
Scene--the X-Men are surrounded by a large number of thugs, etc. (you know, the normal, super-villain, comic book, nameless and numerous bad guy fillers)
Logan: "Time for the ol' Canuklehaed to go to work! Cuz, hey bub, I'm the best at what I do."
*snikt*
Suddenly the temperature drops, and all the thugs fall unconscious.
Bobby: "Sorry, Wolvie. But I didn't feel like wasting time today. Hank'n I are having a Star Wars Marathon. We've been planing it for weeks. You can gut people some other day."
He iceslides away, leaving a stunned Logan behind.
Logan: "Wha--NO! I'm popular! I'm supposed to save the day! That's my job! JEAN! Make him let me save the day! I wanna save the day! NO FAIR!"
He stomps his feet and proceeds to cry and through a classic 2-year-old fit.
"NO FAIR! NO FAIR! NO FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIR!".

Wolverine vs Mr. Clean
"Allow me to introduce myself. Mr. Clean, Genetic Cleanser."
"That's nice, bub." >SNIKT<
"Ooooh, nice claws, you filthy freak." ::ignites flame thrower a little more:: "But, I'm sure you know metal's a conductor."
"Wazza conduct...GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"Heh." ::sniffs:: "Smells like bacon."
"I ain't Ugly John."
"But, you sure are ugly!"
"Grrrr."
"Ah, see you're at a loss of words."
::kicks Logan in the groin:: "Now, let's see what else you're good for..."
::picks up his smoldering carcass and throws him into a brick wall:: "Ah, you make a nice sound when smack stuff."
::kicks his nose in:: "Hey, wouldja look at that? A mutie corpse that needs cleanin'."
::picks Wolverine up by his feet and proceeds to use him as a mop to sweep up the remains of the dead Leper:: "Oops, missed a spot."
::shoves the last of the remains into Logan's mouth and forces him to swallow:: "Goes down nice, huh?"

Nightcrawler, Iceman and Archangel vs Mr Clean
"Ja! Bobby, put out his flames! I'll bamf around him a whole bunch."
"The stench'll probably kill the poor bastard."
"That's the idea, Drake. Warren, uh....fly around him or something. Maybe you can...make him dizzy?"
"Ha, Warren sucks!"
"Shut up, Bobby."

Our Plan For Opal
we shall just remove all traces of Opal from comic history. Her name shall become feared...a word only whispered and spoke of with dread; tales to frighten young children...
Grandfather: "They say she wears skull earrings, and enormous pants...the pitch of her whine is deafening to all that hear it..."
children huddle close together
"Does the Opal really exist, Grandpa?"
Grandfather: "No one knows for sure. Some say she was defeated years ago, her mouth taped shut, her wardrobe burned. Others, however, say she is just biding her time; soon, all things come back in fashion, (bellbottoms made a comeback after all), and she waits for her day. The time may be close at hand, the signs are here...Buffy the Vampire Slayer wears giant hoop earrings, can big pants be far behind?"
children scream

Conversations with Beast | Cyclops | Misc X-Characters | Others

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