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| How to.... the definitive guides |
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| ...tease fudge |
| ...make fresher tim happy |
| 1. Buy him chocolate fudge cake 2. Like tigger OR think liking tigger is cute 3. Feed him 4. Let him ramble on about delirious for hours 5. Invite him round for dinner 6. Dont touch his guitar 7. Take him out for lunch 8. Make him laugh, a lot 9. Offer him chocolates 10. Do his maths assignments 11. Buy a big bag of popcorn just so he can finish it off 12. Stay at his house / uni room 13. Give him free reign of your kitchen/pantry 14. Laugh with/at him |
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| ...survive maths lectures |
| 1. Stay in bed. Failing that due to a guilty conscience/wanting a degree... 2. Remember that jumper sleeves make the best pillows 3. Buy printed lecture notes 4. Turn up 5 minutes late to get the closest seat to the exit 5. If more than 5 minutes late, dont bother going in 6. Sit on one side of the theatre so you can lean against a wall and be comfortable 7. Have a glass of water and a supply of chocolate handy 8. Buy lots of glasses of water and make towers of glasses 9. Be poised to make a rapid exit for a "sneaky" bacon and/or sausage and/or egg batch between lectures 10. Text your friends from home and catch up the latest gossip 11. Always sit in a place you can get phone signal 12. Sit at the back just so you can spend the entire leture trying to read one badly written word on the board 13. Plan your day/cu worship/weekend in your head 14. Memorise the lecturers clothes so you can laugh when they appear 5 lectures running 15. Compare your lecturer to a dwarf, gnome or one of Santa's elves 16. Write a letter to Santa alerting him of the whereabouts of his lost elf 17. Write how to survive a maths lecture 18. Turn up to supervisions so that you can find out what on earth the lecture you just survived was actually about |
| When asleep in the back room� hide behind the sofa and whisper his name bury him in cushions put a big picture of dad in front of him whilst he is asleep push him off the sofa dive on the sofa while he's laying there asleep blow on him while he is nicely sitting in front of mum so he jumps on her As dinner is being cooked� put his dinner on the opposite side of the stairgate shout fudge! then just say hello pretend to eat his tail take his bone and pretend to eat it stand in front of him while he's trying to watch his dinner being made sit right in front of him while he is waiting for food sing songs about his weight problem During dinner� offer him a chip, then eat it throw thin air while eating call him over while eating just to tell him he's fat call him over while eating just to tell him that its all good put hands over his eyes and telling him its all gone When out back of house� open the cat flap and talk to him through it when he is waiting outside lie down in conservatory and talk to him through the window wave at him through the back door then walk away again Anytime� cover his eyes and ask him where he is throw the toy between each other put a biscuit in his collar at the back hold a treat above his head make him look up and make sealion noises moo at him blow on him tell him there are pusscats in the garden tell him there are pusscats in the garden just as Doreen arrives stick his head in the hole in his blanket tell him Eunice is here sit on his back stand on opposite ends of the room and make different noises at him tell him he's lost his collar |
| list compiled by Tim and Jon, we love our dog and spoil him rotten, it's just fun to tease! |
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| ...know you are nosey |
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| anybody looking for 'how to... be fi' the editted version is still available at teacherpaul.co.uk |
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| ...become a lover of 'Friends' |
| Got a suggestion? Let me know |
| 1. Spend all day with Mr Whitley 2. Don't let your girlfriend have many ideas for your birthday present so that you get a series on dvd 3. Get series 7-8 on dvd from your parents for Christmas 4. Take dvds home and watch them on windscreen with surround sound 5. Watch dvds on your laptop in your room when feeling ill or down 6. Make sure you are in and near a tv on a Friday night 7. Have E4 on your digital tv service 8. Remind yourself that your not sad because Matthew and Melissa watch way more than you do 9. Appreciate that Joey is the perfect modern man, well other than Homer Simpson of course 10. Know which series you are in whenever you watch an episode 11. Compare all lives little happenings to moments in various episodes 12. Look to see what is on the whiteboard on the back of the door in Joey's appartment 13. Imagine what it would be like to own a reclining leather chair 14. Try building a fort with cardboard boxes in your room 15. Never refer to Monica, Rachel, Pheobe, Joey, Chandler or Ross by their real life names 16. Don't expect people to think you're cool! |