To develop a relationship, partners must decide who gets what they want and when and how. It may be true that partners have passion for each other. But if they can’t decide what they are going to do together and  when they are going to  do it, if they can’t decide who is  to lead and who is to follow, they will become frustrated and bored with each other and give up on the relationship. If they don’t know how to share and manage power, the relationship will collapse on itself.

To trust is a product of power and how power is used in a relationship. Trust develops-or is destroyed-when each partner observes how the other makes use of his or her power.

Accepting this concept may be difficult.  Some people believe that the normal conflicts they have come to expect in most parts of life, the conflicts that arise because we are all human beings and we all want power and things, should not be an issue in a love relationship.

Two people in love may assume that they just naturally fit together  without having to negotiate any issues. But this is the trance stage of a relationship; when the infatuation wears off, they will have to negotiate all power needs. They cannot avoid this struggle, no matter  how much they love each other.  The reality is that successful loving means becoming conscious of the power contract.

Partners must resolve a number of issues when establishing a mutually acceptable power structure in their relationship:1) the value of “paying dues” to the  relationship, 2) the need for an authority structure that can use information to make decisions, and 3) the importance of established norms in building a stable relationship.