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Scandal!!!!!!!!!
by: Taylor Tit Twisters (buckbennett22) Oct 1, 5:52 pm CDT
Due to the inexplicably heinous performances put forth by the over-paid, under-productive "athletes" in the Twisters organization, I now know that
something is afoul. Despite numerous requests to the offices of our so-called commissioner this week, no investigation has been made into the unbelievably bad play running rampant amongst my players. I was forced
into action this morning when Comm. Samuels told me to blow my inquiries straight out of McNair's ass. I hired a team of former US Postal carriers to search out the cause of my team's current downfall. The results
were astounding!!! All of my players' crack stashes have been replaced with Gold Bond powder. Thank God McNair is still just using steroids and drinking Everclear to get pumped up for the games or I would have
negative points. I urge all owners to check out their team's heroin, hash, and crack stashes immediately...and most especially in the weeks leading up to your encounters with the Craption. As for me I will be taking
matters into my own hands, and retaliation will be swift and merciless. Thank you for your support.
Andy "Buck" Garrison
Taylor Tit Twisters
Personally...
by: Lavale Tailspankers (eaglesfan30) Oct 1, 9:42 pm CDT
...I think the rest of you dorkballs are stinking up the league & I'm getting great pleasure from spanking each of your asses (both literally & figuratively).
Thanks in advance,
Bill
Scandal?
by: Vegas Corruption (richsams1) Oct 2, 12:42 pm CDT
You want to talk scandal? How about McKay and his 0-4 excuse for a team. Tim Couch? Curtis Martin? Laveraneus Coles??? Only a homo like McKay would keep an ass
pirate like Jeff Garcia on his roster.
No lil Twister. You don't have anything close to a scandal yet. This is why the board of directors have denied all your requests for an investigation. Your team
simply just can't run with the big dogs.
McKay's team flat out sucks and he's doing nothing about it. Of course, that's the way we want it though. No fag is going to win the ExFL championship this year.
Speaking of which.... the rest of you idiots better start stepping up to the plate against the Tailspankings. I've heard Bill has already lined up his favorite
selection of show tunes to be played after he wins the regular season championship, unless you cock bags start doing something about it.
In other league news.... as planned, the Vegas Corruption continue their dominance of the ExFL and are well on their way to bitch slapping the rest of the
opponents on their schedule this season.
Thanks for your time, Rich
cock bags & showtunes...
by: Lavale Tailspankers (eaglesfan30) Oct 2, 4:59 pm CDT
...sorry, I don't really have anything interesting to say...but those two things made me giggle when I read that post by da commish.
...by the way, I actually do like a few show tunes. Anyone ever listen to the RENT soundtrack? Pretty good stuff. Well, enough about me...let's hear more about
you guys. Why can't you win more games like me?
Thanks, Bill
MY OTHERWISE HORRIBLE TEAM
by: KAHUNAS KLOWNS (chrismenor) Oct 3, 11:18 pm CDT
WHO WOULD OF THOUGHT WITH A TEAM FULL OF REALLY GOOD PLAYERS THAT I WOULD BE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE LIST, WELL ALMOST BOTTOM. WELL I THINK MY HOPES ARE DWINDILING
AND WITH KURT OUT I GUESS I HAVE TO RELY ON KORDELL IF HE PLAYS AT ALL!!WHAT ELSE COULD GO WRONG.
re: MY OTHERWISE HORRIBLE TEAM
by: Vegas Corruption (richsams1) Oct 4, 11:38 pm CDT
We just figured you were comfortable being at the bottom of the standings. Just like last year.
Although you've got some competition this year if you want to get that number one draft pick next season. McKay is shooting for 0-14. Good luck being worse than
that idiot.
Seems McKay likes being on the bottom more than you. Spread eagle of course.
Week 5 ExFL Odds
by: Vegas Corruption (richsams1) Oct 5, 1:26 am CDT
Please make note.... all betting lines are made for entertainment purposes only. We do not encourage nor condone calling the ExFL league offices and placing your
bets between the hours of 9am to 9pm on weekdays, 7am to 11:59pm Saturdays, and 12am to 10:04am on Sundays.
VEGAS CORRUPTION (-35) vs. ED'S WHITE SPRAY PAINTED ISUZU AMIGO'S
OVERVIEW: The Corruption continue to run rampant through the ExFL. There seems to be no stopping this Rich Samuels lead killing machine.
LOOK FOR... The
Corruption's Peyton Manning to throw for 3 touchdowns. The Amigo's Donovan McNabb to throw for 6 touchdowns... all into the arms of the Corruption's Duce Staley.
LAVALE TAILSPANKERS (-75) vs. TAYLOR TIT TWISTERS
OVERVIEW: As much as the ExFL disapproves... the Tailspankings will head into Week 6 with a 4-1 record, after completely dismantling the last remaining scraps of
the hapless Twisters. Reports out of Nebraska say Twisters owner Andrew Garrison has been too busy whittling sticks on the front porch of the single wide instead of worrying about his team this season.
LOOK
FOR... Tailspankers owner Bill "Waldo" Merlavage to release a list of his top 10 favorite show tunes during the half time show. Twisters owner Andrew Garrison to list his top 10 favorite ways to fix a
broken banjo string.
GERMAN BLITZKRIEG (-52 1/2) vs. F-NYMAN
OVERVIEW: It's worst against first as Jim "Gay" McKay continues his quest for 0-14, going up against last seasons champ, and the current first place
Blitzkrieg led by Major Ross Brown in Germany. After a season long investigation last year, the ExFL exposed McKay for what he really is.... a know nothing fraud with an unnatural fetish of baring his ass in public
places.
LOOK FOR... the Major to pull his quarterback and wide receiver from the game before half time in an effort to "even the battlefield". McKay to streak
across the field late in the fourth quarter.
PUPPY POSSE (-25) vs. KAHUNAS KLOWNS
OVERVIEW: After an upsetting loss to the Amigo's last week, Posse owner "Doc" Ricketts made several attempts to dump disappointing running back
Ladainian Tomlinson into the lap of the Vegas Corruption. "We wanted no part of that," said Corruption owner Rich Samuels. "We're building a winner here. Not like the Posse. Although we might be able
to open the lines of communication with them if they were willing to take Clinton Portis for Ladainian straight up. Other than that... tell the Doc to blow it out his ass."
LOOK FOR... Tomlinson to be starting for the Corruption before Week 8. Klowns owner Chris "Big Kahuna" Menor to ask for his team to be contracted
before Week 6.
DELBERT'S DOGS (-3) vs. THE INBREDS
OVERVIEW: An interesting matchup between two surprising teams this season battle it out this weekend. Millions are expected to tune into that Rams vs. the Niners
game Sunday afternoon. On the other hand, no one really cares what the hell happens in the Dogs vs. Inbreds ExFL game this weekend. It will only be a matter of time before each team shows their true colors and begin
to battle it out for the better draft position next season.
LOOK FOR... Dogs owner Bryan Booth to ask Rich how his team did on Wednesday. Inbreds owner Jay "Jerruh-Leptic" Zurfluh to buy 4 more Troy Aikman
posters on Ebay for his bedroom walls... and 1 more for his bathroom.
BACK ON TRACK
by: KAHUNAS KLOWNS (chrismenor) Oct 5, 9:03 am CDT
I THINK WITH MY CHANGES IN PLAYERS I AM BACK IN THE RUNNING..
1005 points
by: Lavale Tailspankers (eaglesfan30) Oct 8, 6:37 am CDT
I'm not one to toot my own horn. I usually pay ladies that I meet on street-corners $30 to toot my horn for me, but I think in this case I should make an exception.
Even I was amazed that my team scored a league-high 248 points this week, putting me over the 1,000 point mark for the season.
Someone remind me, are we playing for money?
Thanks guys,
Bill
Game of the week
by: Lavale Tailspankers (eaglesfan30) Oct 9, 9:26 pm CDT
I see the unstoppable Tailspankers are going head to head with the somewhat stoppable (and unfortunately named) Amigos.
I also find it intersting that a team named the Klowns is playing against a real-life clown. I think Alanis Morrisette would refer to that as ironic...sorta like
'rain on your wedding day'...which actually isn't ironic, but would be a bummer.
What happens next, when does everyone start sending me money for doing so well?
Thanks in advance,
Bill
re: Game of the Week
by: Vegas Corruption (richsams1) Oct 9, 9:56 pm CDT
You know.... we DO have a substance abuse policy in the ExFL. Rainy Day what? Get that piss cup ready, Waldo.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE....
by: Vegas Corruption (richsams1) Oct 9, 9:59 pm CDT
The Vegas Corruption of the EXFL have officially confirmed that they will win the league championship this season.
In a standing room only press conference at Corruption headquarters in Las Vegas, Nevada, team owner Rich Samuels addressed the media with the following
statement...
"After studying our opponents the first 5 weeks of the season, we have decided to go ahead and win the championship. It was a difficult decision to make,
but something we felt had to be done in order to preserve the integrity of our league. In a league full of steers, queers, and automobiles, it was the logical thing to do."
Other teams in the ExFL are encouraged to dump salaries as soon as possible and begin sending high priced free agents to the Corruption in exchange for nothing.
No word yet if Samuels has also decided to go ahead and win next years championship.
For more information please contact:
Rich Samuels
Owner of the Vegas Corruption
I told you
by: Taylor Tit Twisters (buckbennett22) Oct 15, 6:36 pm CDT
You give your players a little hash, and they WILL perform
Congratulations....
by: Vegas Corruption (richsams1) Oct 17, 4:06 pm CDT
...to the Inbreds and the Amigo's for knocking Waldo and the Tailspankings down off their almighty power tripping throne at the top of the rankings. The ExFL
greatly appreciates your efforts. Although we realize the Inbreds luck won't last for long. No Jerruh-Leptic Troy Aikman masturbating Cowboys fan has the functional brain capacity neccessary to maintain a consistent
stand at the top in the ExFL.
Congratulations to Jim "Gay" McKay and his F-Nyman cock bags for ending their winning streak at one. Maybe firing Neiman wasn't such a great idea
afterall.
Congratulations to Major Brown for somehow figuring out a way to edit his lineup while on manuevers somewhere in Poland, preparing to kick some towell head ass
in December.
Congratulations to Doc Ricketts and the Puppy Posse for successfully turning over their roster for the third time this season. The only player left from the
draft on the Posse is Ladainian Tomlinson. Sources say, however, he will soon be on the Corruption.
Congratulations to Delbert and his Dogs for putting exactly 1/25 of the effort into his team this season, yet still winding up with the same record as Waldo and
the Tailspankings after 6 weeks.
Congratulations to the Big Kahuna and his Klowns for proving once again that it's gonna be a fight to the finish to steal that number one pick from him next
season.
Congratulations to Andrew "The Septic Tank is Clogged Again" Garrison for actually believing he has a chance in hell to ever score that many points
again this season. Awwww.... isn't that cute everyone?
Congratulations to league commisioner Rich Samuels and the Vegas Corruption for completing yet another step towards capturing the ExFL championship.
Message from my almighty powertripping throne...
by: Lavale Tailspankers (eaglesfan30) Oct 18, 9:38 pm CDT
...I apologize for keeping everyone waiting, but um, I really don't have much to say this week.
Well, enough about me...what's your favorite show tune?
...by the way, have I mentioned that I'm still the highest scoring team in the league?
Thanks,
Bill
#1 vs #8
by: Taylor Tit Twisters (buckbennett22) Oct 24, 10:26 pm CDT
All I can say is that every dog has it's day.....unless you're one of Delbert's dogs (but that's another story for another day). The best part of my team whippin
the hell outta the Louisiana brother-fuckers aka the Inbreeders, is that nobody expects a bunch of wired old junkies to beat a group of genetically enhanced(through serious incestual testing) eastern tenderfoot
sunsabitches. As to the rest of you ass-clowns, have a pleasant today and an even brighter tomorrow.
whhheeeewwww
by: Taylor Tit Twisters (buckbennett22) Oct 27, 3:57 am CST
well that should be enough changes for this week....stay tuned next week when I change my entire lineup again
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