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FOR THE LOVE OF PETE!!!!!!!
by: KAHUNAS KLOWNS (chrismenor) Dec 7, 7:16 pm CST
THIS IS HOW BAD IT'S GETTING I BENCHED WARNER FOR BRUNELL AND DROPPED ANDERSON AND STARTED EMMIT SMITH.
I need a little help.....
by: Taylor Tit Twisters (buckbennett22) Dec 9, 7:06 pm CST
If any of the other owners in this league would like to see the Spakeys go down, then I suggest that you all kneel before the Altar of Ditka and pray for Da
Bears defense to take the ball away 8 times, achieve at least 6 sacks, and kill somebody in tonight's Monday Night Matchup....Gotta go, I have a LOT of praying to do!!
To all you Non-believers
(you know who the hell you are)
by: Taylor Tit Twisters (buckbennett22) Dec 10, 8:37 am CST
Thanks for nothing you non-committing sunsobitches!!!! Mark my words.....Hell hath no fury as that of a Twisted Tit scorned!!!
Final week of ExFL regular season...
by: Vegas Corruption (richsams1) Dec 12, 11:40 pm CST
Looks like the Corruption will maintain their winning streak against the hapless Klowns and march right into the championship with ease after smacking the
Tailspankings in Round 1. As for that friggin Jerruh-Leptic infested redneck owner that will most likely also be in the championship... the Corruption have something special lined up for him in the final week.
Interesting games to keep your eye on this week...
The battle for next years 1st pick in the draft rages on between Menor... who has ironically become accustomed to picking first.... and McKay... who has been a
cowardly no-show since October after starting the season 0-6. Not that anyone's complaining of course. The ExFL was successful in it's campaign to rid the league of McKay, and all of the rest of the owners should be
congratulated for helping in doing so in such an unbelievably quick fashion. McKay has nothing to offer us. Except for being a fine example of what it takes to be a complete "pussy" of course.
Delbert's Dogs will take on the surprisingly sorry Puppy Posse in their bid to capture the 4th and final spot in the playoffs. Things won't be too easy for the
Dogs even if they win however. The Tailspankings also have to take care of Ed's Amigo's for the Dogs to get in. The Spankings are overdue for a piss poor performance, so don't be surprised if Ed takes care of them
with ease and captures his second playoff appearance in as many years.
The Dogs will have their work cut out for them if they want to beat the Posse. Doc Ricketts has not given up on his team yet, even though their season dried up
quicker than a cum stain on a blue bed sheet several weeks ago.
The Twisters play a meaningless game against last years champion, the German Blitzkrieg this weekend. Blitzkrieg owner Major Ross Brown was transferred to Kuwait
a couple weeks back, to prepare his forces for an inevitable Baghdad vacation. Making line up changes from a camouflaged Humvee in the Kuwaiti desert has not been as easy as anticipated.
Don't worry Mr. Garrison... you're draft position is looking pretty good for next season.
Here's a rundown on how the playoff picture looks...
FIRST SEED - Inbreds - inexplicably has locked up the regular season championship... those who remember, Ed did the same thing last year.... Ed made a first
round exit.... the Jerruh-Leptic is primed to do the same this year...
SECOND SEED - Tailspankings - has a lock on second place.... Waldo of Lavale has made a mockery of nearly everyone in the ExFL this season by picking last in the
draft and still managing to kick your asses... you should all be ashamed.... the Corruption will go ahead and take care of business in the first round against the Spanks since none of the rest of you cock bags
(Garrison) could do so in the regular season...
THIRD SEED - Corruption - this years eventual ExFL champion has not locked up third place quite yet... but with the Klowns on tap, this spot is pretty much
guaranteed... Corruption owner Rich Samuels has decided to move the ticker-tape parade after winning ExFL Bowl II to Lavale, Maryland to show that ass backwards, sister humping, Pabst guzzling, redneck town what a
true champion looks like....
FOURTH SEED - Ed's Amigo's / Delbert's Dogs - Dogs need to beat the Posse and need Ed to lose to the Spankings to get in.... Ed controls his own destiny.... a
win and he's in... a loss... and he has to hope the Doc puts his Viagra induced cock back in his pants long enough to beat the Dogs....
Good luck to all participants this weekend (except for the Inbreds, Tailspankings, Amigo's, Dogs, Posse, Klowns, Nyman's, Blitzkrieg, and Twisters)
Other league notes: Since McKay pussed out on us in October, there has not been much to write about this season. So the ExFL Board of Directors has
decided to place all of our Message Board posts this season into the news section of the ExFL web page at the end of the year. This way we can all look back and reflect for years to come on the incredible path the
Corruption paved to victory in the ExFL Bowl this year. Thanks for your participation...
Nice to see Rich still remember how to post...
by: Lavale Tailspankers (eaglesfan30) Dec 13, 6:13 am CST
...does anyone remember back when he used to maintain that website where he took that doll to football games? What ever happened to that site?
As for a parade in Lavale...please let me know in advance so we can get the roads paved. As for drinking Pabst, that's fancy city-slicker beer...we mostly just
drink moonshine out of a buckskin flask.
Thanks,
Bill (The Peoples Champion)
How the hell...
by: Lavale Tailspankers (eaglesfan30) Dec 20, 7:35 pm CST
...did the Inbreds manage to tie TWICE??? I think they should be stripped of first place for that. Thanks, Bill
Welcome home....
by: Vegas Corruption (richsams1) Dec 21, 6:08 pm CST
Blitzkrieg owner, the Major Ross Brown, is due home in Heidelberg, Germany just in time for Christmas this week. Ross has spent the last month performing
military excersises in Kuwait preparing for our country's inevitable ass kicking in Iraq. Sorry you didn't make the playoffs this year bro... We'll keep the championship in the family though, after the Corruption
finish cleaning up the Spankings and Inbreds...
Congratulations goes out to Dogs owner, Bryan "do the Chiefs play this week" Booth for making the ExFL final four. We don't expect him to make any
impact in the playoffs, but this was a remarkable accomplishment for him considering he couldn't even name the 11 player positions on an NFL offense if asked.
The ExFL wants to thank everyone again for their cooperation in assuring that Jim "Gay" McKay was a non factor in the league this season. Your efforts
are greatly appreciated. Although Jay "Jerruh-Leptic" Zurfluh could have done a little better of a job. A tie in the last week against McKay? Typical Cowboys fan.
Congratulations also goes out to the Big Kahuna, Chris Menor, for managing to finish in last place for yet another season. This is a nearly impossible feat to
accomplish, and Menor should be commended for his incredible effort in doing so. Nice job Chris.
Good luck to all those playing in the consolation bracket this week. Nothing like playing absolutely meaningless games for the next 2 weeks. At least Menor gets
to do something meaningfull this weekend while sitting at home polishing his last place trophy and preparing for the first pick in the 2003 draft for yet another year... while McKay also sits at home this weekend
with nothing to polish but his knob with this months Out Magazine.
DOWN GOES WALDO...
by: Vegas Corruption (richsams1) Dec 23, 1:58 am PST
...DOWN GOES WALDO.... DOWN GOES WALDO!!!
Ouch! How bad does your ass feel right about now? What a bitch slapping!
Don't worry Bill... third place is only about an 8 out of 10 on the total
embarrassment scale. And don't forget... you still have your regular season points championship to fondle and caress.
Thanks for playing and better luck next year...
Yours truly,
Rich
I appreciate your concern about my ass...
by: Lavale Tailspankers (eaglesfan30) Dec 23, 3:52 am PST
...but at times I feel that your concern is actually much closer to an obsession. I can't say I blame you though...in addition to caressing & cuddling my 'most points scrored in the history of fantasy football'
title, I also caress & cuddle my ass.
Thanks for a fun season, full of cockbags & stained blue sheets.
Bill
What a (expletive deleted) up league...
by: Lavale Tailspankers (eaglesfan30) Dec 26, 4:58 am PST
...any
league that has the Vegas Conundrum playing for a league Championship definitely has a few bugs that need fixed. How many games did this guy win all year...three?
Regardless, I wish Rich the best. After checking
his now-defunct website, I guess he's having a tough X-mas without his little doll to play with.
So, all I have to say is, you go ahead & enjoy your 'fantasy' championship...while I'm out sipping champagne
out of playboy models belly buttons this week at Disney (that is what goes on at Disney, right?).
Thanks & Hammpy new year to all.
Bill (the guy who scores a whole lot of points & a whole lotta women)
What the....???
by: Vegas Corruption (richsams1) Dec 26, 1:04 pm PST
Listen up Buddy Holly... the
Corruption is in more than one championship game this year. I'm currently kicking the piss out of a bunch of Vegas handicapping and sportswriting "pros" in another league that I decided to win the
championship in. This league is for nothing but shits and giggles for me. You guys are just my selfish way of amusing and assuring myself year after year that... yes... I really am the most intelligent man on the
planet... just look at all the people I surround myself with in comparison to my excellence. I'd be kicking your ass in the Sandbox league too (oh wait I already did head to head), but I haven't been able to sign on
to that site since October.
I informed you in Week 5 that I would be winning the ExFL championship this season. Why do any of you act surprised? Just another reason why I am forced to look down upon you all.
Thanks for playing and better luck next year...
Oh, and which one of you are losing against me this week anyway? I think I have a bye week.
Does anyone know...
by: Vegas Corruption (richsams1)
Dec 30, 1:21 am PST
... how Clinton Portis did today? I know Tiki Barber had a pretty big day against the Eagles Saturday... but I was just wondering how Portis did.
I'm hoping for a career ending injury for Torry Holt in the 1st quarter tomorrow night. I'll stand and cheer. Just like I did when Michael Irvin did the same
thing at the Vet.
Thanks...
Don't know, don't give a shit....
by: Taylor Tit Twisters (buckbennett22)
Dec 30, 3:29 am PST
All I wanna know is how the fuck does Steve McFRIGGINNair get 13 points against the Pusston Mexicans????? I know it doesn't matter at this point in the season if
I win or lose, but I mean, come the HELL on!!!!! And on a lighter note....see all you cum-swappers next season when I transfer the team to Florida to capitalize on the warm weather. Besides which, I can have my
defense practice on the gators there, so they will have no problems with your candy-assed glory boys...See y'all next year, and I'll be sure to tell Buffett hey for ya!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Evil prevails!!! Oh my God.... I'm so flustered.....
by: Vegas Corruption (richsams1)
Dec 31, 4:16 pm PST
....who do I thank first???
Let me start with the greatest commisioner on Earth, Rich Samuels, for allowing me the opportunity to kick all your asses this season.
Bill Merlavage for giving me the motivation. Without him around to kick the crap out of in the playoffs, the rest of you would have completely bored me.
Jay Zurfluh for allowing me to prove to all of you in the championship game that Cowboy fans really do know nothing about football.
Andy Garrison for proving to me that not only do Cowboy fans know nothing about football... but actual cowboys know nothing either.
Doc Ricketts for allowing me to never look at a blue bed sheet the same ever again.
To my lil bro Ed for leading the Las Vegas Outlaws 18-under AAA Hockey Club to the gold by scoring 15 points in 7 games up in Vancouver this weekend. Who gives a
flying crap about fantasy football with stats like that... right Ed?
To the greatest Eagles fan on the planet, my big bro Ross in Germany, who would most likely have kicked all of our asses and defended his title if he were still
stationed in Texas.
To my partner Bryan Booth, for visiting Butte-Phuck, Missourra for the past two weeks over the holidays. Beings that Missourra has yet to be introduced to
microwave ovens, let alone computers with internet connections, he was no real threat to the rest of us in the playoffs.
To Chris Menor for proving to all of us... that yes... miracles can... and really do happen. Last place two years in a row. Thanks dude. I get choked up just
thinking about your remarkable accomplishment.
To Jim McKay... well... I thank him for nothing. He has nothing to offer.
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And now.... the moment we've all been waiting for.... this years awards!
The Second Annual Marty Schottenheimer "Heimleich Manuever" Award goes to..... Bill Merlavage and the Lavale Tailspankers!!! After wiping out the rest
of the league with a mind blowing 2934.00 points in the regular season... Bill received an unmerciful spanking himself at the hands of the Vegas Corruption and was a quick and easy one and done in the playoffs. Nice
job! Here's to hoping for a repeat of this remarkable performance in next years playoffs Waldo!
The Second Annual Jerry Jones "Lemme Control the Draft" Award goes to..... you guessed it.... Chris Menor and the Kahuna Klowns!!! After narrowly
missing this prestigious award at last years ceremonies, Menor was a hands down unanimous winner this year. His feat of two last place finishes in fantasy football may very well go down in the books as one of the
most untouchable records to ever accomplish.... right next to Gherig's consecutive hitting streak... Rice's consecutive games with a catch streak.... and Garrison's consecutive bucked off streak!
This years League Parody Rocks Award goes to Jay Zurfluh and the Inbreds for their worst to first finish. Even though his true colors came shining through in the
championship. Maybe if he sought some treatment for that serious case of Jerruh-Lepticy he's got... he could someday become a true champion.
This years League Parody Sucks Award goes to Doc Ricketts and the Puppy Posse for their 7th place regular season finish after making a strong showing in last
seasons championship game. Maybe if he had spent a little more time doing his homework instead of staining his sheets this season, he could have continued to be a contender.
Of course this year's Greatest Commisioner in the World Award will be retained by Rich Samuels.
Next season our finely hand crafted ExFL trophy should be ready to be placed up for grabs. This trophy will be more recognized than the Stanley Cup folks. The
winner will have it shipped to them to display on the mantle above the fireplace for one year. All winners of seasons past will be engraved upon the trophy. After one year, the trophy will be returned to league
offices in Las Vegas so the next champions name can be engraved upon it and will be reshipped.
We're talking PRESTIGIOUS my friends!
Hope everyone had fun this season.... I certainly enjoyed kicking all YOUR asses. Better luck next year... Thanks for playing and see ya in 6 months.....
- Rich
P.S. - The Section118.com home page has been updated to include our ExFL news, stats, results and other crap from this season. So on those lonely Saturday
nights... while Bill is out banging grade schoolers... you can kick back and reminisce in my dominance over you this season.
Thanks again!
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