Sporks

Well, here it is, my page dedicated to the almighty spork! (Yes, you can stop running now) Here you can find loads of sporkish stuff, what they are, alternate uses, spork quotes, and spork songs. (Well, there might be people sad enough... I mean, who love sporks enough to enjoy this page and actually read all this, you never know!)

What is a Spork?

A spork, in case I haven't been able to keep you from running away long enough to tell you by now, is a cross between a fork and a spoon, and come free with most meals from fast food places like KFC. Despite being found in many restaurants worldwide, they are actually completely useless for eating food with as they usually break, and the prongs are completely useless for stabbing anything with, and the spoon bit is too shallow to scoop anything with.

What About Foons?

A foon is a bent spork, but it can only be done with flexible sporks as otherwise they break, and even then it is a hard thing to do. I haven't tried it yet, but here's how so you can have a go yourself.

• Place your thumb on the bottom curve of the spork.
• Gently push in with the thumb until the spork is inverted.
• If done properly, you may let go and the spork will retain it's foon shape.

If you manage to find a spork and turn it into a foon, why not email me a pic of it? I'll put them up on here because I'm sure there'll be people out there other than me who might actually be interested in it other than me.

Spork Appeal

However, despite their inability to complete either of their functions, people are held in fascination with sporks, as otherwise any other normal people would have got rid of them long ago. Some people say they like sporks because of the fact that they are the only things in society that are completely unable to adapt to any of the tasks they are given, yet are loved for being just the way they are.

My theory is that sporks have psychic abilities and are able to go into the human mind and make sure that they are not destroyed or died out - which, considering the situation they're in, is pretty logical. Would you really sit around and let people kill you?! (well, a suicidal person would, but I doubt they'd let the entire human race be destroyed with them, unless they were really evil)

Memorable Spork Quotes

Most of these were made up by me in a moment of hyperactive boredom, so they're bound to be a little strange (but then are you really surprised from a page about sporks?)

• All your sporks are belong to us, but somebody set us up the foon.

• We are spork. Resistance is futile.

• Use the spork, Luke.

Memorable Spork Songs

Well, I had a lot of time on my hands so here's a few spork songs. You might recognise some of them, but I can assure you that I wrote them all myself. Honest.

"A Place for my Spork," by Linkin Spork

I watch how a foon sits on the table on a dark night,
Shining with the light from the sun.
The sun doesn't give light to the foon assuming the foon's going to owe it one.
It makes me think of how you act to me you do favors and then rapidly,
You just turn around and start asking me about sporks you want back from me.

I'm sick of the tension, sick of the hunger,
Sick of you acting like I owe you sporks.
Find another place to feed your greed,
While I find a place to eat.

I want it to be in another place,
I hate when you say you don't understand.
I want to be with other sporks, not with the foons,
A place for my spork.

Maybe someday I'll be just like you and steal sporks like you do,
Run away the people I thought I knew.
I remember back then who you were,
You used to be calm, used to be strong, used to be generous.
But you should've known that you'd wear out your welcome,
Now you see how quiet it is, all alone.

I'll probably update this site when I find other cool spork stuff to put up, but if you have any ideas email me them and I'll put it up.