By Clayre Lickman

[email protected]

Copyright 1999

Disclaimer: Xena: Warrior Princess and the names, titles, and the characters in this story are the sole property of Renaissance Pictures and MCA/Universal. No copyright infringement through the writing of this work is intended. The characters, Callisto, Xena, and Theodorus are all property of Renaissance Pictures and MCA/Universal. Any likeness between any character and any person, living or dead, is purely coincidence.

This story may not be sold and may be archived only with direct permission of the author. Any archive must carry this entire copyright statement.

Violence: There is no real violence in this story, but burning villages are.

Sex: There's just a few paragraphs about Theodorus fantasising about the Warrior Queen, and a slight hint about Callisto making love to him at the end, though I doubt it'll bother anyone.

Author's note: This story was just a sudden thought I had today while I was going through all of my files, trying to make some space on my HD. I was reading an old Hudson Lieck Official Club Newsletter when I was suddenly inspired and wrote this all in one day! J Oh, and this is a Callisto story, so it might not be everyone's plate of nutbread...

View the front cover I made for it here

Please feel free to comment on why you did or didn't like the story, as well as what you thought of the front cover. Suggestions are also welcome, as long as they don't leave bruises.

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Callisto was the one who destroyed Cirrah, not Xena, the Destroyer of Nations.

Sure, Xena destroyed Cirrah, but Callisto was the one who truly did it. Of course, hardly anyone wants to know about who actually destroyed a small village by the sea. In fact, no one knows who really did it, except Callisto, myself, and now you. And I should know, I was there...

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The blonde laughed maniacally as the village burned around her, the dead bodies of innocent villagers with them. She had slaughtered them while an army stole their possessions before them. Their deaths had been slow and painful. "Why?!" one dying child had screamed in pain to her.

"Why?! You dare to ask me why?!" she had scorned in reply. One so young would never be able to understand something that even she could not. But yet... She had bent down beside her, and said, a little more gently, "for Xena. She destroyed my life." But then she came to her senses, the fire in her eyes returned. She had stood up to her full height. "And now I'm destroying yours. Take a good look at the fire around you. It's the last thing your eyes will see, and for me, there will be many more." She laughed again, and walked off to kill more villagers that had managed to escape from being burnt to death.

It was her, Callisto.

She had commanded her army to burn the village. The simple words, "Do it," had caused so much pain, death and destruction, but no guilt fell apon her shoulders. "It was Xena," she had convinced herself many years ago when the slaughtering began. "She is responsible." But though she sounded confident, it was only true to the outside. Deep down, the guilt lay, mounting higher and higher, waiting to be noticed.

And now it had, as she watched the burning world around her. She gazed at the burning houses and crops, as if for the first time. These new eyes felt pain. These new eyes felt regret. These new eyes felt guilt. "It was Xena," she said aloud to the flames. "She did it. It's her fault." But those words were nothing more than words, doing nothing to comfort the hurt soul inside her.

For the first time in her whole life, she wished she had a chance to change. To help stop what had happened to her. To stop the all to familiar pain that burned inside her constantly, never really burning out, just fading away and then reappearing. The guilt was tormenting, over powering. The last few years flashed before her, showing her every moment in her evil life, bringing back fresh pain, fresh guilt, fresh regret. She sat down on a nearby rock, her hands leaning on her knees, pondering her life.

"Callisto?" Theodorus asked, a little uncertainly. When the blonde was in one of her sensitive moments, like a turtle without a shell, she was more likely to become moody and fierce than she was when she was in her usual moods. She was always like this after raiding a village. It was if the only time her human side could escape and let itself shown after she had bottled it up for so long.

Callisto didn't reply straight away, the only sound was the crackling of the fire. At first, he thought that maybe she was so drenched in her own thoughts that she hadn't heard him. Callisto turned to face him, and the captain was surprised to see tears from a silent cry running down her cheeks.

"Do you ever feel regret?" Callisto asked, then turned back to staring into the fire. "Ever feel the pain of those that just died at your hand? Do you remember their faces? Their last cries? Their dying breath?"

Theodorus didn't know what to say in reply. She wanted to comfort her, tell her it was okay to cry, that it was okay to be human. He wanted to hold her close, caress her long blonde hair, kiss those sweet lips. Hear her beautiful voice crying out into the night as they made wild, sweet love.

He had often wondered in the depths of his mind of what making love to the wild blonde would be like. Her soft, sensitive side often showed through when she spoke to him. Would it be gentle and careful? Or would it be rough and adventurous? He wished with all the love in his heart that he would be the one to be seduced by his warrior queen. Just to taste her lips, to feel her close next to him was all he wanted.

The life around them was still as they stood in silence. Nothing except the crackling of the fire could be heard. Then she spoke again, "I do. Every word, every touch, every moment, I cherish. It comes back to haunt me, each time worse than the last."

She was pouring her heart out to him, like she did many a night. She felt that she could trust him with her true emotions. She spoke to him like she did no one else. She never let anyone disturb her when she was deep in her own thoughts except her captain. She knew it was dangerous, in case there was a revolt against her, but she was willing to take the risk. Theodorus was the closest she had to a friend, and she needed every moment.

"Oh, Callisto-" Theodorus spoke up, but Callisto stopped him.

"I don't deserve your sympathy," she replied. "I'm blaming Xena, for I know in my heart that the guilt for the deaths are mine alone. I've been trying to fool myself, trying to convince my heart that those words were true... But now, that's all they are... words. Empty and worthless."

"It's not like that," Theodorus replied. "You can't blame yourself, can't wallow in your guilt. You're a beautiful, charming, funny, fearless, skilled, and talented warrior that can't be replaced. Don't waste your life. Life's too short." Callisto looked at Theodorus. Her salty tears no longer slid down her cheek and dripped to the floor. She could not let him know that he might be right. She looked away again, staring into the fire once more, deep in thought.

He was right. Her... obsession with Xena had turned into more of a wild goose chase than revenge. But the more she burned, the more she wanted to kill, to hate. But then, as soon as the villages destroyed, she would sit and ponder. What would have happened to her if Xena hadn't slaughtered her village? Her family? Her world? She had often sat and wondered as she stared into the flames. She'd imagined that she have been married, have six children, screaming and arguing all day and all night.

In a way, Xena, she thought, you did me a favour. Now you've given me a chance to show who I really am, find out my real passion in life. I was meant to do so much more in the world than just live an ordinary life as my parents expected. You could say that you're my role model, Xena... Without you, I wouldn't be here, would I Xena? Oh, one day, Xena, one day I will make you pay...

Your blood pouring over my hands as you cry and scream, pleading me to end your life... Your last thoughts, your last words, your last hopes and dreams dying along with you, Xena. No one would morn the death of the warrior princess - Not even your little friend... because I'd have already killed her in front of you, Xena, murdered by my h-

"Callisto?" Callisto was brought back into reality as her name echoed through her head. Callisto looked up from staring into the flames around her. It was Theodorus. It looked as though he had been standing there for a while. He looked concerned. She wondered how long she had been daydreaming for.

"What do you want?!" she snapped angrily. He should know by now that no one interrupted her while she thought after a good day's raiding.

"We found a child, Callisto," he replied.

"A child?" Callisto asked, looking at him curiously. "You interrupted my thoughts for a child? Why, Theodorus, I'm curious as to your reasoning. Please, explain."

"We found a child," he repeated. "A living child."

Callisto carried on pretending to act dumb, and tilted her head like a confused puppy. "Yes? What about this... child?" She acted gentle, though Theodorus knew that she was hiding a raging temper. "Why was this so important as to disturb me?"

"I wanted to know what we should do with it," he answered. "If she has to die, then she has asked to ask you a question."

"Kill her!" Callisto screamed. "I ordered everyone to die!"

"Yes, but she wants-"

"You're questioning me?" Callisto interrupted.

"No, no, no, Callisto, except-"

"Then kill her." Callisto turned her attention back to the fire.

Funny really. She didn't even know the name of the village that was burning before her. It reminded her so much of her home... But that was nonsense. Cirrah was destroyed, years and years ago, thanks to Xena.

"If that's what you wish, my Queen," he replied.

It did though, even as it lay burning, she was sure she could remember her playing as a child over there, by that building. Stealing bread from the bakery, and sharing the loaf with her friends as they laughed and joked, but trying to be quiet. Dancing on her own, but pretending she was with one the various boys she had loved in secret over the years of her childhood over in the burning barn over there...

"It is, now do it," she snapped back. "Or are you disobeying me?"

Singing to herself and wondering what she'd grow up to be like over there. Feeding the chickens in that farm. Helping her father build a burning tree house like that one in the tree over there, and sobbing in it weeks later from some 'evil' act by her parents.

"No, my Queen, of course not. I'd never do such a thing."

Theodorus left, as Callisto listened to his footsteps disappearing. She expected to hear someone scream, but instead there were more footsteps coming towards her. She recognised one as Theodorus, back again, and the other was lighter, one that she didn't recognise, but only had to be the girl's. Callisto turned to stare the captain right in the eye as they approached. Sure enough, he had brought the girl with him.

"What is this?" she asked. "Why did you bring her towards be when I specifically asked you to kill her?"

Theodorus looked guilty, but did not reply. Instead, the young girl spoke.

"I asked him to send me to you," she piped up. "Leave him alone." Callisto turned to the girl. She reminded her so much of herself, just before Cirrah burned...

"Well, what do we have here?" Callisto asked. "What's your name?"

"I share the name with one so strong, the person who has given me this torment for so long," the girl replied. "The one who is my greatest foe, the one who calls herself the warlord Callisto."

"Is that so?" Callisto asked the girl. "Well, now you've met me, I'm afraid you won't be able to cherish that memory for long."

"I have a question for you," the girl said, ignoring her reply. "Do you remember the names of the people who die by your hand? Or do they mean nothing, like lost grains of sand? How can you sit there and say you don't care?"

"Ok, you've asked your question," Callisto replied. "Now they can kill you! You never said I had to answer, did you?"

Callisto indicated to Theodorus to kill the young girl in front of her, and he pulled out his sword. The leader's namesake ignored her, and carried on her rhyme.

"Don't you remember this place? Can't you remember your own mother's face?" the girl asked. "For this very village that you just burnt down... oh, I really can't believe that you've changed so much that you don't know your home town."

Theodorus was just about to stab the girl, when Callisto stopped him.

"C-Cirrah?" she stammered, and the girl nodded. "But... But how? Cirrah burned... I saw with my own eyes..."

"The Fates felt sorry for you so looked into your mind," the girl replied. "They saw guilt so brought back Cirrah and hoped you might find. Now you've realised your error they tried to put you on track, hoping that you realise and bring you back."

"Brought Cirrah... back?" she stammered. She felt so stupid -- Why hadn't she recognised her home? It all made sense to her now. The fire looked so familiar, like the one that haunted her constantly... The one she saw whenever she shut her eyes, even if only to blink it was enough to bring her back into the past.

"You changed your fate so it will keep on burning," the girl carried on. "Although time around it will just keep on turning."

Callisto stared at the young girl in a silent state of shock. She had been given another chance - this girl was she. 'And... And I have just murdered my own family.' Callisto thought suddenly.

"How could you do it?!" the girl asked. "I hate you!"

Callisto felt new tears stinging at the back of her eyes. It was then that she realised that the girl was crying, just how she did that day which would change her whole life. Except now... Except this time, she was the villan. She hated herself. Callisto hadn't noticed that Theodorus was still standing with them, ready to murder the girl whenever his Queen gave the order, until he said something.

"Shall I kill her?" he asked. Things could change - She could take this Callisto under her wing, make amends for what she had done. She would stop her new self from turning into the monster she already was. She would stop her from taking up the sword - She would become the housewife with six kids.

"No, spare her!" Callisto ordered so sharply that it surprised herself, then added, a little less harsh, "take her back to camp, and look after her as best as our supplies will let us. You are to look after her. If anything happens to her, you will pay. And if you make a good father, Theodorus, then maybe you could help me make a few more," she called after him seductively. He turned round, and she had never seen anyone look so pleased with themselves.

She stared at the flames one last time, the flames that would never burn out, the flames that haunted her every thought, the flames that she tried to forget. She walked away, following herself and her new love.